Woke up in the early hours this morning and my head was all over the place. Kept thinking about my accident and what happened and the strain of it all. Couldn't get it out of my head then the negative thoughts jumped in like I was really brain fatigued. Negative thoughts and feelings of life and general stuff with work, really strange like I was still in hospital. This just the sort of thinking I experienced when I was in hospital just after my accident. Had to get up and get a glass of water and shake the thoughts form my head but they were still in there. Funny never had that before since I was out of hospital but felt awful, really awful. Got back to sleep eventually and feel right as rain this morning.
Any one had this experience before? properly just a dream gone wrong, remembering the accident and reminding me what happened... Don't want to experience that again if I can help it. N
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MXman
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Morning to you. Lovely sunny one ahead, here in Sussex, anyway.
This is pretty normal after a BI and yours is relatively recent. I found night time the hardest when I first came out of hospital, lots to distract me in the day but then at night the dark thoughts emerged. I was angry, confused and terrified all at once and needed to distract myself with books/ internet/ music-whatever. Your brain is adjusting to the shock of this new you and it does take time but you will get there and this wonderful forum is here for every step of the way. Have a great Sunday
Yep. I haven't had 'flashbacks' as such, but I do sometimes spiral-out, thought-wise about the lack-of-control element of my hospitalisation. My son is drip-feeding me bits of how-I-got-there, but it's still incredibly distressing for him, so I'm not pushing him. Apparently, not only did I walk into his bedroom, and vomit on some of his books, I also tried to take my t-shirt off in the kitchen, which may well mean that the husband saw some of my tattoos- bleh.
There are all sorts of mindfulness techniques you could use before bed, to settle yourself with what you are now, but, the sleeping brain is a difficult beast to wrangle, it tries to put things in order, and quite often cocks them up enormously. As I said, I haven't had flashbacks, but I have reverted to STUPID panic attacks, where my usually intelligent brain throws a tantrum, and sort of freezes on me. I've probably mentioned in other posts that part of my job is talking-down adolescents in heightened states of emotion, I don't think I've ever 'failed' in that, but I'm sure I look a twit, grabbing hold of something, and telling myself "This is solid, built to last, the feeling comes, but it will pass."
Thank you yes lovely here in Maresfield at the moment long may it continue. Been out of hospital a while now 3 months but it just got to me lat night. Really strange, Fine this morning though. But your right my brain is adjusting to stuff and I have to accept it.
I think it was a flashback Gaia and a bloody scary one too... Felt real and I was back in the hospital again feeling confused and frightened. Another thing I have to accept.
cannot speak from b.i point of view,but i did used to have panic attacks,i discoverd meditaion and realised that i donot need to have them! if i feel one coming on now i can tell myself that iam ok and donot need to do it! hugs to you all
It took about a year before my 'after-shocks' stopped. Yet even now 3.5 years on, I still occasionally wake up in the night feeling troubled and confused as to why the geography of the ward has changed, and which way is it to the bathroom.
It seems our brains need to relive traumas over & over, trying to make some sense of them, before gradually letting go and moving on to subjects new !
So console yourself N that these are natural and inevitable after-effects which will subside with time.
Cat saying she wakes up not knowing sometimes the geography of the bedroom, I can relate to. I wake up sometimes thinking , 'where am I?' , which house I am in? The dreams are bad, and sometimes give me false memories, and I have to really rationalise the dream is not true. sounds daft, but I have not really related this to my brain injury, I thought it could be the medication I take at night. We live and learn!
Thinking about it today it was the reality of it all. After the accident well when I came to in the hospital I was really confused so I'm told and didn't really know what was going on but back on the ward all I wanted to do was go home and the reality was getting through that I wasn't going home. I really really thought I was ok and nothing was wrong but what I was fighting is how it happened.
This is the same scary thought I woke up with in the early hours of this morning. So frightening and real. Not nice. But all ok now though...
Thank heavens I was spared this aspect to the extent that I did not remember anything from my sleep for a long time.
Just wondering if, in the day or two before the incident, have you achieved something for the first time since your bi or been frustrated trying to do something you used to be able to do without thinking?
May be it was the and of the week and my brain was on shut down mode although I'm always thinking about stuff. Was going to ride today so may be that was on my mind... who knows. Funny though now you mention it I did go to bed thinking about riding the next day, maybe that was why...? Didn't ride in the end but maybe that was a god thing.
I was simular Mxmanin that I thought I was ok when on ward. Infact I was so convinced that I ended up signing myself out without realising. Could nevrr remember much about hospital then got my notes and found out I dischard myself. It made follow up treatment a little hard.
Eventually had various cognative therapy, some of it dealt with flashbacks. I was told it was my subconcious self trying to put events in order when it felt I could cope.
Hi there. I haven't had a TBI so no 'flashbacks' of this nature, but, although I would say I have always been a vivid dreamer, since becoming ill I have these ridiculously surreal and yet real dreams which I find it hard to shake off when I wake.
Usually, like Gaia and yourself, it is dealing with something terrifying - I am prone to wake the others or stand over their beds listening for their breathing at 2am because, as far as I am concerned, they have died in their sleep...but it is just a dream. I regularly dream that I have lost all function in my legs, usually when there is a 10 ton truck or similar bearing down...I stand there thinking 'Oh but of course, my legs won't work any more. How hopeless'. Then I wake and lie there a while trying to assess what has happened and usually am very surprised to recall that no, I can still move my legs after all.
In the end I have put down to my subconscious trying to rationalise the fact that with this aneurysm in my head, well, there is no nice way to put it, is there....tomorrow I may not be here. And grieving (and perhaps trying to push the point as I am somewhat bloody minded when it comes to my walking) for the fact that things are not as they once were.
The reality of it all at the time is, as you say, terrifying. I rarely am able to go back to sleep after that because my head is so agitated. Lots and lots of early morning prayer until the coming of the dawn instead.
I wish I could tell you it was a one off but I fear that is unlikely. Or that they get better as in my experience not so. But I do think they are doing a job. So I guess like so much else we just have to take it as one of our many new quirky attributes.
Fortunately mine wasn't from a traumatic injury but even now I have dreams of what was before. I'd go through a full days work, 9 hr drive, routes, pick up and delivery points. COuld see the loaders and site storemans faces etc. waking in a sweat thinking it was reall and having trouble deciding which was real or which was a nightmare. This has now reduced in frequency thankfully but has been replace with equally disturbing clouding between dream time and real world.
I suspect it's all to do with the wiring in the brains circuit board being disrupted but these all accur less and less frequently as I am sure yours will.
It may well have been a once off especially if it's followed a tiring or long day or some form of stress.
Fingers crossed for no repeat and further recovery.
I really think it was because I was going to ride the next day and I went to seep thinking about it and I was going to ride where the accident happened. Just seemed so real though which was pretty scary.
Its remarkable how the brain works thought and how it recovers. I didn't know that the brain pathways that were damaged were not replaced just the rest of the brain compensates for the lost pathways, awesome. After the accident i really wanted to know what happened and how it happened as this was really bothering me, I couldn't remember or thought I couldn't then I learned through here that my brain didn't register the accident so I couldn't remember what happened. Bit like not seeing a movie then someone asking you what happened in it. Iv now come to accept it and it happened and its done no matter how it happened although iv been told what happened.
Im sure ill dream about it again but at least I'm not alone. N
My god that takes me back when I came out of hospital and waking up wondering where the hell I was and hearing strange sounds that were not even there, scarey at times and getting up in the night holding onto the wall feeling disorientated.
I also had a thing about heights and if I opened my apt door the stairs were to the right of my door it took me a few weeks before I felt i could even look down them without feeling really weird so always took the lift.
My apt was 3rd floor and i had a big balcony but I could not go any further than the middle of the balcony without feeling scared so weird what the brain doe's and tricks it plays on you.
Even when I was in hospital it took me nearly a month before I would sleep with the sides down on the bed it was like an obsession that I had to have the side up.
I can laugh now but I got obsessed about smells and cleanliness which I drove my friends crazy having to keep bringing me Dettol spray and wipes.
But nearly just over 21/2 years on this has changed but occasionally wake still feeling disorientated at times when I wake in the night.
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