Never liked heights, but now have a feeling of wanting to jump, if l am anywhere near an edge and height.
Had my stroke in March. Is this normal. Never felt so worried.
Is this normal !!: Never liked heights, but now have... - Headway
Is this normal !!
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cjjaks
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Hi
Sounds like me. Before my bi I worked on roofs and climbed for a hobby.
Some time after my bi ( once I got walking again) I attempted to climb a ladder. I got three steps up amd froze. I had to be prized off the ladder.
Then later whilst on holiday I was lookig over our room balcony and my wife grabbed me. Apparently I had been leaning right over and had this desire to just let myself fall over.
I couldnt explain this feeling as I had never felt this urge pre bi.
I still get this now and have never had it fully explained.
I may had that I have no rational reason for wanting to jump but the feeling of being high up brings on this urge.
The only solution I have found is not to look down .
All the best Pax
Hi, Good to know it's not just me... I will try not to look down. mind you l will try my hardest not to be anywhere high. Just need to stop the the feeling of running and jumping.
Oh boy! If it's not one thing it's another.... lol.
Jakki
Hi Pax,
Not to look down is a good one... No really.
It is like when you are drunk, well I think it is. Your body, or head, just pulls you to where you don't want to go sometimes.
I have had this drunken feeling when I bend down sometimes, say if I were standing by bent over to tie my shoe laces, I might sometimes get this feeling like someone was pulling my head toward the ground.
I would get it more if I were tired and not paying much attention but have found myself trying to catch my balance before.
Take care,
MJ
Hi, I had my Stroke in 1998, yes I feel much more confident than before the Stroke. I was a manger before & I would never do speeches/ talks in front of anyone in my 10+yrs there. Nowadays I will be 1st ASAP!!! I have stood upto talk in front off 100s off people instatly & talk my heart out. They have to drag me off now days I tear off craving me on before the Stroke.
Steve.
Hiya Steve I could never talk in front of people cos my memory's not good enough & I kinda forget what I'm saying mid flow, but I do find I have no fear.
I'm not argumentative but I can confront someone who's a lot bigger than me (& would probably kill me) if they either have a go at me or a friend.
Luckily no one's hit me (yet) & they have backed down (assumingly cos they think I'm really tough to confront them - yeah whatever Stace), so I kind've know the confidence feeling.
Hi. Yes I try to take info with me (when I / if remember) Mind you I never ever use them as I forget it is there (Memoy) or should I say no memory!!!!!!! They have to drag me away so the others can do there talks !!! There talks are from a "Book" mine is from the "Heart
Steve.
This is an extremely common urge which most people experience at least one time in their lives & probably many more.
It's apparently caused by the conflict and confusion when faced with a great height of how to react, and jumping is apparently the 'easy option'.
I suspect the heightened emotions which so often come as a result of BI might be exaggerating your response to this, and many other situations.
Next time you feel vulnerable perhaps you need to step back, and definitely don't look down !! 
Take care, Cat x
Hiya Cat,
as l said never did like heights, but got on with life... Being at my shopping mall today, I havent been there in a while. Parked the car, Went to lifts, like l had done a million times over. And l had to go back to the car. Nearly had a major panic attack. Just wanted to run and jump. Not good as it is all glass.
still got home. wont be shopping there again.
Jakki x
I find the 'Mega' shopping centres hard to cope with, especially the escalators and scenic lifts. I can go up an escalator if I have to (always glad to get off) but coming down is a no-no. It's like standing on the edge of a precipice and I don't know whether to faint or hurl myself over the edge !
But I've noticed that there are hardly any stores or centres these days without the option of stairs. Even the local Tesco has replaced its escalators with those rolling roads which you can take your trolley up/down.
Wow, not heard of this but I can really see Cats reasoning behind it where the conflict and confusion comes in and the easy option of just jumping off. Im a builder and never ever had a problem with heights even to the point that I like them, although I do get a sense of unease in a lift when it goes up, suppose thats a sensation issue. As said CJ keep away from edges and high buildings. XX N
I've had that feeling a few times in my life and as a Ex Soldier and Firefighter it never happened whilst on duty. I have always had a fear of flying which I cannot explain,but post BI I have flown a few times and have this urge to jump out of the plane which sounds crazy
I get vertigo attacks out of the blue (but particularly when fatigued, I have noticed). So I can perhaps manage the footbridge at Lincoln station on the way in, but probably not on the way out by which time I have got another bus and walked the boys to school.
Another factor that affects it I think is movement. I am fine on that bridge as long as there are not (a) loads of other people making it wobble or (b) a train passing underneath. Suffice to say I usually take the lift....which for me creates no problems at all.
I have also found that I have real difficulty now walking along the Sleaford navigation - a disused canal - as being that close to moving water means I lose all sense of coordination.
I think the brain is struggling enough in my case to process putting one foot in front of the other - I have a functional neurological gait disorder - throw in the fact that bits of the picture in front of me keep moving and it all goes a bit haywire.
In fact travelling around town is a bit like not knowing when you are going to inadvertently step into your brain's interior simulation of that 'Cakewalk' fairground ride. That would be quite a giggle, were it not for the fact that the spectacle of me clutching railings as I gingerly make my way over a bridge or along a riverside tends to lead people to all sorts of (totally erroneous, I might add) conclusions about what I put on my breakfast that morning...
Ho hum!
And normal ? Don't get me started on 'normal'.....
😁
What is "Normal" lol
I now find heights incredibly difficult, even on tv. If someone is on a roof or on a cliff I go into meltdown. I went up the Spinaker tower in Portsmouth as I wasn't expecting it to be difficult but it was! I am now in a wheelchair as a result of SAH 3 yrs ago and I had this overwhelming urge that my wheelchair was going to take off an crash thro the windows!
Hi
I used to get this sometimes - pre BI so don't think mine is related to that. But then I haven't been many places to " test " it out since ...
I think the explanation about it being a conflict sounds plausible and since a few people have replied that they too have had this feeling - pre and post BI , I would take it as "normal" - though annoying and means you might have to either plan routes/visits that avoid such situations - or perhaps think of ways to live with/improve this feeling. I know I am a one for trying to push my boundaries 
I hope some of the replies have helped.
Hi Cj,
I have sometimes had thoughts similar to that if I was near an high edge. It's not often I am near a high edge cos like you, I am not a fan of heights much.
But I have questioned myself before "What if I just jumped" or "What if I strolling along and I lost my balance or a gust of wind blew me off".
Even at the London underground, I have heard of how people have been pushed by others into the tracks of an oncoming train and everytime I am in the underground, I don't like walking around people or to get near to the edge.
There are a lot of dodgy people out there.
Take care,
MJ
Lol Matt !
You're normal too !
We visited London years ago and I became addicted to the underground !
Loved the whole tube train thing, odd warm flushes of air surging through, the mechanical smell of metal parts in motion., the lights going off and on in the carriage during the journey.
I was amazed to see that it looked exactly like on' American Werewolf in London ' ! ( my fave film from teenage years ! )
I was also supercautious of getting too near the edge and kept a close eye on fellow passengers waiting on the platform !
Mind the gap : ))
My mum and bro were the ones who started going to London before I did, they used to do a lot of shopping in London and I had pretty low confidence back then so I would rarely move, even if you poked me with a stick haha.
Dec 2009 was when I took my first trip there with my family. We went to the O2 arena to go see the Christmas Spectacular and spectacular it was too :).
I think my mum was a bit worried how I would be able to handle the tube and the rat race. I think she thought I wouldn't like all the hustle and bustle and I would be well put off but in actual fact, it's not so bad.
I don't like crowds, I don't like the hustle and bustle but the thing is, I can handle it and I think my mum thought I couldn't handle it.
Anyway, I have been to London quite a few times now and I like it apart from all the business and the smog :).
When I am in the underground, I always think of 'An American werewolf in London' too, how could you not?
"A naked American man stole my balloons".
I think that is one of the best werewolf movies I have ever seen. The graphics of him turning in a late 80s, early 90s movie is brilliant when compared to todays CGI graphics.
Lol over the 'balloons' ! Thanks for reminding : )
Yep, I love that film : )
Proper make up effects back then, not like the obvious 'false' looking CGI ones these days. I drew a few faces morphing into werewolves in my teenage years, inspired by that film !
The beast within lol ! : ))
I have to come in here as a massive fan of American werewolf. Thanks for the reminder A & M ; I have it on DVD and that'll be my treat for tonight...................haven't watched it for years.
And I love the underground connection !! xxx
I feel a bad moon on the ...aaahroooooooooo ! : )) x
Good thing it isn't a full one tonight. Funny thing is when there is a full moon it sets the foxes off, so we have some interesting (eerie) sound effects each month. x
We have foxes too, Cat : )
Pre BI I used to feed them every night at midnight at the clearing round the back of where we live !
This all started with 'Mummy' fox who would follow me and the dogs round the field barking at a safe distance on our last late walk round the fields ! I didn't realise at the time that she was protecting her territory due to cubs.
So we began to put food out and sure enough she would come each night to the blue light being shone through the woods - the signal that food was ready !
After a little while she was confident enough to bring 2 beautiful cubs with her - a boy and a girl. We continued to feed for about 3 years, watching generations of cubs grow. The males generally moved on but the females often visited with 'Mum'. I found it fascinating, watching all the subtle body language and the many different vocal
communications between them.
Since illness, I am afraid I am not reliably energetic enough late at night to feed on a regular basis but I know another man on site does this ( he cooks them sausages each night ! ) so am not worried that they go short !
I still leave some food once or twice a week but rarely see the foxes as it is not on such a regular basis.
One male had a fondness for sausage rolls and would sit in front of me , to be first in line, like a good dog, waiting for me to throw him one !
I have been up close and personal in the scrum of feeding time, during the very harsh Winter we had a few years ago.
Minus 12 and all foxy inhibitions go out of the window !
Squatting down, putting food out while they milled around, a skirmish broke out and the big male rammed backwards into me and nearly knocked me over ! I learned to put food in four seperate areas a few feet apart - it lessens the potential for squabbles ! : )) Happy days : ) x
Yes I have to do the separate helpings too. I have three every night, and one in particular with a bent ear will sit and bark at the kitchen window if I'm late with their supper.
A couple of years ago 'mum' brought five youngsters & they were play-fighting on the snowy lawn for ages and diving & sliding, just like kids do........... so lovely to see.
Hope you're doing ok....... and P too ! xx
Hi CJ,
I think it is a case of the brain playing Devil's advocate - the 'what if I were to...' scenario. The mind can be complex and rather random at times, throwing up dangerous or unpleasant thoughts that we have no conscious control over.
Take the scenario of having a conversation with someone in the kitchen whilst using a knife for some task. Sometimes the mind will throw up the perverse 'what if I were to ' question. Or holding a conversation with someone and suddenly having an inappropriate sexual thought about them ! People rarely talk about these things, often considering them to be taboo yet we all experience this in some form at some point. The thing to remember is that thoughts are just thoughts - a firing of neurons and a totally separate process to consciously carrying out those actions. If we lend any credence to these odd ,random brain bubbles we can become afraid of them, causing us to avoid the situations that might provoke them, resulting in phobias or even ritualistic behaviour to 'keep the thoughts at bay' as in OCD.
CJ, you are so totally normal. Best to shrug and say 'Well, that was an oddun' ! I don't know where it came from but I know I would never act on it.' I would not try to avoid the place where you had the thought, a mere random thought should not be given the status of curtailing your activities. Any more 'odd' thoughts, take a breath and treat them with the significance that they deserve - none !
Take care, Angela x
Ah, the 'irrational or inappropriate thoughts'. Did anyone follow 'CatBinLady' on Twitter, or buy 'The CatBin Diaries'?
'She' did things like pouring the neighbour's milk through their letter-box because they hadn't brought it in, and hiding packs of frozen prawns behind the cereal in the supermarket. "We all have these momentary aberrations."
I'm only ever a sharp tug on my sleeve away from doing the most ridiculous things, I'm an absolute menace, and I don't know how people put up with me most of the time. I'm not malicious with it, I'm just impulsive, and I do quite often have to leave-the-room if someone's wearing slip-on shoes, because I can visualise myself running off with one of them, like a bad dog, or stealing one, and throwing it out of the window.
I spend stupid lengths of time telling myself that colleagues DON'T 'look like they want to give me a piggy-back'. This isn't new, I was irrational-impulsive BEFORE the brain injury.
Being a grown-up is pretty much a long chain of telling myself NOT to do things.
Ugh! Pre-BI, I used to get the 'pull' quite often, but I used to also have the "What if I throw all my money off this bridge?" impulse as well, it was almost as if the silly-impulsive was battling with the urge to step just a little bit closer to the edge.
Since the SAH, I've had more fleeting periods of irrational anxiety, yesterday I had to make a confidential phone call, so I'd locked myself in an office from the inside, and then my mind decided to throw in "What if I have a seizure?" I haven't had any seizures, it's just impromptu panic about the most random and irrational of things.
I was a silly, irrational, impulsive creature BEFORE, so I've had years of practice telling myself "don't."
Gaia, that was a classic - you lock yourself in for privacy and your head decides to throw in some utterly unfounded danger ! Cheers, brain !
I may have realised a new hobby - standing under bridges on the offchance an irrational flutter of money notes come raining down - hope I don't get caught in a shower of small change - ouch ! : )) x
My head is being an utter git, I can't remember if I posted about the 'fear of cheese-tea' incident a few weeks back? Utterly rooted-to-the-spot panic about "What if some of this grated cheese falls in my tea-mug?"
The funniest part about it is that I'm the one that is called out at work to deal with other people having panic/anxiety attacks, because I can always talk them through to the other side.
I know exactly what to do, but, in the 'freeze' moment, my head just won't do it, I'm damned-near impossible at times.
Yes, I remember the cheesy- tea panic ! I have better recall on the more unusual or bizarre items lol ! Following through on that possibility, worst case scenario would be make a fresh cup ! : )) Hope you can find a method of control that works for you on this, even better, that these incidents diminish with time.
Just wondering about the viscosity of hot tea in comparison with the weight of flakes of grated cheese, could they float ?? - may be possible to scoop them out before melting point ? ! : ))
As the Dr Pepper ad says ' What's the worst that can happen ?'
Take care, Gaia,
Angela x
Hehe, Angela, there wasn't even any tea in the cup, I was going to make a cup of tea once I'd finished making dinner, and was absolutely SEIZED by panic about dropping cheese in the cup. Not lions, tigers, bears, or even wasps... cheesy tea, that wasn't even tea.
Ha ha ha, I now know everybody on this threads age... Bad moon rising and American Ware Woolf in London. Fantastic film gave me nightmares for weeks.
And yes what is Normal...?
Hi. I had my Stroke/Bleed in 1998 at the age off 32. It has been a rocky road ever since.
I totally changed.
I used to be a manager in my former life (pre Stroke)
I used to be to nice but boy if I was able to go back I would "Kick Ass"
Try would hate me now (in a nice way)
Why are you worried??
Is there anything I can help you with??
Steve.
Thank you Steve,
Dont think that anyone can help... it's something l got to get myself through. Would have been nice to have a partner to lean on.. but hey ho... lol x
Hi. No probs, You can ask us for help & support we are all here for the same reason (B/I) So if there is anything you would like to know please fire away !!!!! (B/I) is something only we now as we have the "T-Shirts" so ask away !!!!!!!!!
Steve.
Hi, sorry just reread your post & I noticed the "something to go through yourself !!!!!!!!! this is why we are here to offer help and support so you aren't on your own !!!!!!!!!!
Steve
Thanks Steve, I dont think l put it in the right words.... lol. l know you are all out there. And l am greatful for all the support that has been given. I was meaning more on a personal level. If you understand what l mean....... laughing at myself now. I am rubbish in putting stuff down on pc's... more a face to face person.
Jakki
Hi. Don't worry we have all been there a got the "T-Shirt" you are doing fine this is what we are all here for !!!!!! "To Help & Support Each Other" in there "Hour off Need" so don't worry we are all here for you & the others coming behind you.
Steve.
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