Lying... Who needs it.: Maybe this is why I have a... - Headway

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Lying... Who needs it.

Matt2584 profile image
42 Replies

Maybe this is why I have a relatively good memory :).

See, if I lied most of the time, then I wouldn't have the storage to remember some of the important things in life :).

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Matt2584
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42 Replies

:-)

nice one Matt!

I don't like people who tell lies!

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

Thanks :).

I don't exactly like it either, it just makes me think "What is the point?".

in reply to Matt2584

Good pic n saying to share though :-)

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

Thanks :).

in reply to

me neither the truth is always the best

in reply to

YES YES YES. But some of THEM won't accept the truth, they don't want to hear it.

I'm with you Matt, far far simpler! Wish docs and hospitals would do the same, maybe they'll learn eventually... Personally I'm sick of professionals promising to ring me (to help me, followup, continue with what we started) then they never do. The liars. Hurts.

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

Sorry to hear you have have had docs and professionals lie to before, Muddled.

As "professionals", it's not very professional to lie is it? Unless they get there tips from politicians haha.

in reply to Matt2584

Yes, most politicians (and publicity for products, saw Evian: "the fountain of youth today" = oh yes, really, show us the proof) routinely tell lies and they think if they tell the same lies over and over we'll believe them! But it works, people do, it becomes 'the truth'.

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

It sure does work. It is pretty sad how millions, billions even, believe in a bunch of lies.

"Red Bull gives you wings" is one of them :).

in reply to

yeah i know what you mean i have had so many promises of call backs from professional i have just giving up on the all

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

"Professionals" seem to be pretty worthless.

in reply to Matt2584

I've been 'assessed' and dumped by so many 'professionals', lost count, used to know names but all too many and muddled in my mind now. And so many of them have lied to my face and in written notes, in letters to me/others, in some cases not told the WHOLE truth (kept the important/vital things hidden), the facts, verifiable.

I'm SO stupid to believe them when they say (promise) to do something/'will help' me. But that's their job, paid to - so you do believe them coz you NEED HELP. Everyone tells me 'you MUST trust' then I do and get let down over and over.

I was told yesterday, by 'psychologist' - but she refuses to give me receipts for money I've paid her, she went back on what we had agreed (abused my trust, betrayed me) and contacted someone (another 'professional') about me and behind my back. And promises to contact/chase those who are ALREADY paid to help me. She told me I MUST... IF I want help. When will those paid to help me ask what I NEED, how BEST to help me at times, in places that suit ME? SICK of obeying their unreasonable commands.

Then, because I was WAY overtired ad crying and hurting she told me I was 'over-dramatising' things. NO. I was saying it as IT IS FOR ME, how it feels. Oh but I'm 'deluded' and 'wrong'. SICK of being judged, told what to think, told I"M the one who's wrong = labelling me BAD and a LIAR. Destroys me.

The hospital/docs did that from the start, they knew what they were doing, KNEW how it'd make me feel and what the results of their lies and cover-ups would be - but they didn't care, still don't and nor do all the people CHOOSING to hurt me more now.

And because I'm DESPERATE for help, back I went again, paid her again. I am SO stupid and people know that and take advantage of me. I think that's called abuse and victimisation? But nobody cares, went to Police and they fobbed me off AGAIN, same when I was attacked, injured and had my property stolen.

I'm told I'm 'in denial' and am 'deluded' but although I keep trying to explain how broken I am, how bad my brain is now with the overload and stress and confusion = NOBODY believes me, why? Oh, I'm a 'liar' or what? THEY are deluded, THEY are wrong.

My serious physical pain/injuries ignored, even if I had a 'diagnosis' of 'functional' neuro disease/illness you'd get SOME help, I get none, why? Oh,coz I'm a 'liar' and am 'so in need of attention I make them up', or what? What's their fiction/theory?

Can't stop crying, life like this unbearable. Lost my son, family and friends and now lost myself. Yes, I'm broken, in pieces, in breakdown, in meltdown. No hope left. No point typing here, opening my mouth or trying to tell anyone how I am, the things I struggle with, have been saying the same things over and over = not believed? No: I 'over-dramatise' and apparently am a liar. They are SO deluded. But I'm the one who's destroyed. THE END.

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

No Muddled, you are not stupid, you have what's called a brain injury. There certainly is a point in staying on this forum, people like us and Headway will give you advice/support and that's a promise you can keep ;).

Sadly, the world today is mostly about greed.

Plain and simple.

It is all about making money. Sometimes I wish money did not exist.

I am very sorry to hear how you are feeling/treated right now. You should not be treated like thi, it's discrimination. I don't know if the DDA (Disabled Discrimination Act) can help at all.

Have you spoken to Headway about this? I'm sure they could help you even more.

Good luck and take care,

MJ

in reply to Matt2584

Thank you Matt for your kind reply.

Yes have spoken to Headway they told me try explain what I can't do/have trouble doing but I keep trying to but nobody believes me or wants to hear. Get passed on and fobbed off over & over.

Tried to type it up, took it to give to boss-man mayor y'day but he wouldn't take it. Keep trying give writing/letters to people who SOULD act but they refuse them,social services here did too.

Brain not working, in complete scramble. Can't do/think of anything else.

I know not MY fault but shouldn't NEED to keep asking,trying. Brain won't shut up coz overtired and stressed = can't rest/sleep = get more tired overloaded and frazzled. My place a TIP, filthy, chaotic mess, makes me feel worse but can't do but am TOLD to. HATE living like this, was never like this (but never super-tidy or super-clean, just organised). Can't find things (clothes, papers, kitchen stuff) and the more frazzled I get the worse my brain/eyes work = I get worse.

In complete pieces. Broken. They seem to find that funny. I hurt SO bad. I'm not strong enough or clever enough and can't do this. Have tried SO hard. Exhausted.

Sorry Matt, think people like me supposed to quietly top ourselves, been very close. But too scared, last time I thought I'd died = torture. But living like this is. 'Ha ha' said mental health woman 'ha ha, you're between a rock and a hard place', she fund it funny, WHY?

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

When you say you have contacted Headway and they told you to explain, you do explain but nobody wants to listen. Are you saying Headway do not listen to you either?!

Cos that would be pretty shocking if they don't listen to you. Headway are there to listen to users' needs.

in reply to Matt2584

NO! So sorry, if I didn't make that clear: I am SO scrambled. YES: Headway in UK listen, understand and are SO calming, THEY believe me. But I live in France now and here NOBODY believes me or helps me, NO support, NOTHING.

I used to go to Headway meetings in UK and WOW: can still remember the first one: we couldn't get in coz person with key not turned up so we went to pub (2007) and AT LAST: I met a person (people) who knew what I was describing and going through! It felt SO good, I felt like finally I'd come 'home' - after being blanked/ignored by doctors, counsellors and psychiatric nurse for 18 months ish by then.

It felt SO good, maybe you/others know how good it feels, the meetings, to be among people who KNOW and UNDERSTAND? SO very valuable, THANKS Headway.

But SO SO shocking that a CHARITY must do that, the state fails SO bad. Doctors' training fails, same for psychiatric nurses and counsellors. But I TOLD the counsellors my brain didn't work and lots of other stuff, they blanked it and continued their interrogations, computer tests and trying (first one) to make out I was ALREADY odd, damaged, anti-social etc.

So sorry if I didn't make clear, sorry so in pieces. We NEED a Headway here and if I was less stressed, living in suitable home = felt safe & secure, I'd love to try set up/be involved. But SO stressed at mo.

Thank you Matt. You're a DIAMOND!

Muddled (who is and gets VERY muddled).

aqua4 profile image
aqua4 in reply to

Hi Muddled, sorry you are feeling so down, like margo I've been there so understand you.

Please keep writng on here. This site, including you has helped me so much.

I hope you find a way to lift you out of this awful time.

Take care. K

in reply to aqua4

Oh Aqua, yes, writing and being BELIEVED helps so much. Wish they'd believe when I TELL them! I can't believe my moaning and ranting (and pits of depression) can have helped anyone, I feel SO selfish. But thanks, very kind thing to say.

I remember a woman helper at Headway (A.) and I tried to explain to her how when I heard a bell I couldn't tell if it was the phone or the doorbell (actually they sounded TOTALLY different but at start after ABI = impossible for me) so I took the doorbell off and replaced it with a knocker - and she BELIEVED me, no question, I think she could tell I wasn't lying. That helped SO much and I thanked her recently.

Thank you for your kind words. Wish I could be like Matt and put it into art but MEGA blockage there with all this stress. Sad. Thank you.

aqua4 profile image
aqua4 in reply to

Hi Muddled you are not selfish at all and say you cant put it into art but you have put in words enough to describe what it is really like for you and many others living with a brain injury.

Please dont ever give up you are worth more than that. However long it takes.K

aqua4 profile image
aqua4 in reply to

Hi Muddled, sorry you are feeling so down, like margo I've been there so understand you.

Please keep writng on here. This site, including you has helped me so much.

I hope you find a way to lift you out of this awful time.

Take care. K

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

Ah, I forgot you lived in France. I vaguely remeber you said once in another post. I always assume that everybody on here live in the UK but people can be fidgits and move to other countries, places away from Headway.

Headway definitely do need to expand country to country, region to region, I should think for them though, that is a very hard thing to do. It is not like they can click their fingers and a Headway centre appeared out of nowhere (If only that could happen :)).

I agree with Margo though, please do not give up. It might seem the easiest way for you but certainly not for others. I went through about six years of doing virtually nothing before I joined Headway. I went through school and college with a BI but had no intentions of getting a job and later found I was not fit enough for a job.

So from 2001/2002 I was free to do what I wanted and the only real thing I was interested in doing was staying at home.

I started off by doing some drawing and odd jobs around the house but motivation vanished, I was not drawing for years. I stopped doing things around the house. I lost years of confidence and was quite the anti-social person. My only real contact was through a computer, and my family. I thought that was it for me. That was how my life was going to be.

"The future is not set".

That quote comes from a film but it makes a very valid point. The future isn't set, we do not know how it is going to pan out at all.

I joined Headway in 2007 and my life turned around.

Try praying. Sounds a bit odd for me. I am not a religious person at all but I prayed for my life to turn around, I like to believe that it is now, slowly but surely. It sounds weird because were I don't believe in a god or supreme being, isn't praying like sending a message to god? So it kind of makes the whole praying thing a bit pointless. Maybe it was because I put my hands together as if I was clapping but not really :).

I'd like to think more that we all have guardian angels :). Somebody looking down on us.... but is nit god, in my case.

You said you were anti social didn't you? So I am guessing you do not get out much. Maybe you could try using online chat rooms. That is what I was doing for a few years. It is virtually talking to a wall but at least you are social within yourself. You can choose what sorts of rooms you want to talk in based on category ie, music, films etc. i used the Yahoo! Chatrooms. I don't use them no more though.

in reply to

I am so sorry rk here what ykh are going throug h I went thrrough almost 2 years if hell before I hot help dont give up oops have to go plumer here

in reply to

Thanks margo. Sometimes I think I can see what must try do but then I lose myself again and keep thinking of same stuff, forgetting, re-think, over and over, awful.

But already told social services here 'you need me' and 'I need to create a job for me' = but nothing. And I KNOW people think I can still be as clear-headed as was when in my own home with good kitchen,bathroom and stuff, feeling partly secure = how naive I was.

And I've tried to write SO much but keep failing.Huge muddle, start again, fail. Over & over. So much stuff.

Yes, so many ideas (sometimes) but go into deep stress and depression. Have to try drag myself up again,over-do it = back down I go. Tried to break cycle by NOT doing papers or anything and was OK-ish but where I live SO hot and all neuro stuff worse, awful,night after night of foot/leg moving and brain-burn = had to take tabs. But kept waking in night coz SO hot.

Now it's cold and I wake if I've by accident left arm or shoulder out from under covers. Right arm/shoulder badly injured here but none of them give a toss, hurts now to put arm over head. Still:over 4 months, I think.

Hate making fuss about anything, easier to try just put up with it, so do. Muddle on. Best I can.

So all the ideas I had (none mine, all nicked/borrowed) = on bits of paper. I don't know how to START. And yes, want/need job but need safe secure place to live. But can't even explain that properly: too scrambled and exhausted from trying. Have tried to say how it FEELS, all can do. But all tell me to find SOLUTIONS.

Tried when in hospital, wrote lots (can't remember at all much though) to ask for job, deal, I give help for them in exchange they help me. But nothing came of it.

Very confused lost and tired. I know I can write these bits but CAN'T write big or clever stuff AT ALL at mo, too scrambled and tired. HAVE tried but keep failing.

So when people say 'don't give up' = how many times do you drive yourself (and others do this to you) into the ground by trying. Fail, collapse, try recover, then start again? In other words when KNOW defeated = give up? But keep trying to TELL them (and they SEE me in pieces) WHY I can't do it.

Maybe they think I'm a liar and am lying when I say I've tried?

I DO think they need me but think I'm not good enough/can't show coz too frazzled, need to learn, they help/teach me, what THEY need and WE need? But I can't even say tat well enough and maybe deluded to think I COULD do? Dunno, WAY too scrambled. Trouble is I don't often/always (?) SOUND it. Jolly old hidden disability. Don't think can ever (unless MEGA help) do any of it well enough.

Sorry all. I know I can SOUND lucid and write these bits but BIG stuff = I just can't do. Why's nobody believe me?

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

When you say you think THEY need you but you aren't good enough, who are you referrng to? Who is THEY? Professionals? Doctors?

Maybe it might help to state facts about your injury as well. Like, I have bad balance and that is because my cerabellum has been damaged, the part of the brain that controls balance. It also kind of sounds that these people who dismiss you don't really know themselves what the brain can do and once it has been injured or what parts.

angelite profile image
angelite

I have always said that you will not find a 'straighter' person than me .Fully agree, Matt : )

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to angelite

I'm glad to hear it :).

sporan profile image
sporan

To be a good liar you have to an exceptionally good memory so that's me out on both counts.

If you don't lie you don't have to remember!

Nice to see Pinochios nose not grown in the picture. Is that your work or copy.

I don't like liars, prefer straight talking..

I cope better with certainties than maybe's, even if the early certainty is wrong, good or bad. Stops me worry about what if's.

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to sporan

I have a pretty good memory so I could lie if I wanted but I choose not to because I have alitle something called 'morals' :).

The image is not my work, sadly. I got the image from Facebook. I sometimes see quotes of encouragement and decide to share them on here :).

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to Matt2584

Morality is a fast disappearing trait so hang on to it tight and hard Matt. There are too few out there with any morals at all these days.

Well think quotes of encouragement are always welcome.

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to sporan

I shall try my best :).

in reply to Matt2584

my fav quote is

no one is perfect an i am the perfect example

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

I thought you were going to say "No one is perfect... Except me" haha. I was going to say "Hey, that is my line" :).

Perfect people are non existant.

If one person said that they were perfect, chances are that somebody else on the other side of the world is saying the exact same thing about themself!

So how can that be possible?

You can't have one perfect person here and another perfect person there because then none of those people would be perfect would they haha.

yeah your right there there is no one like any one either here is a wee poem i wrote when i was 5or6years old.

if i were you ad you were me

i would be like you and you would be like me

but i am not you and your not me

so I'm not like you and your not like me

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

"... And I am confused" haha, I'm joking :).

I like the poem :).

in reply to

WOW, I LIKE that! You're very clever! And you wrote it as a KID! It's the simplicity I love. I couldn't think of or write anything like that, well done.

in reply to

I LIKE WRITE POEM STILL BUT ONLY FOR FRIENDS AND SELF OR RELIGIOUS ONES BUT I DO ENJOY IT THEY ARE ALL PERSONAL THEY COME FROM THE HEART PERHAPS THAT IS WHAT MAKES THEM SIMPLE

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

Your little poem reminds me of a little song by two comedians called Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer. The song goes:

"I am me,

And you are you,

And you are I,

And I am too,

But somebody obscures my view of you,

Really! Who?

Gerard Depardieu".

in reply to Matt2584

i like it thanks thats great

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

No problem :).

yeah!!!!! did i have a brain injury or have i always bean like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matt2584 profile image
Matt2584 in reply to

Beats me?

Have I always been this perfect? Kidding :).

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