I do believe I have an unfortunate habit of ruminating/procrastinating
I was like this prior to BI even as a child I was quite the perfectionist I rememer sitting a really tough exam at college I believe it was a microbiology/pathology paper and I remember very vividly crying at the fact I ONLY achieved 98%
I think these traits aren't particularly negative in an undamaged brain to a certain point
Unfortunately these traits have been magnified so I ruminate to the point of picking apart and scrutinising everything in fine detail
I simply cannot help myself ! I do believe its contributing to my loss of self control with my temper etc
A major subject I spend a lot of time thinking about is my career ambitions I worked my butt off to gain a place at university
I was due to start september just gone! I studied and studied breezed the interview so much so that the head tutor who was quite a tough nut to crack offered me a place the same day! Normally it takes upto two weeks to hear!
I have deferred for 1 year so I am meant to start september 2015 I am in limbo I don't think I'm going to be ready the course is very demanding both physically and mentally with a large chunk of placements and theory based learning
Can you imagine what would happen If a surgeon spoke to me disrespectfully which happens fairly frequently in theatres!
I guess I just need to trust the process that time is a healer but I refuse to give up on my dream