Note to all if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all

[joed]

Ive been posting on here for 5years and always found people kind and caring but it takes one nasty individual to lay into me this has made me very sad and upset and I'm considering leaving this group I've always found the group very supportive over the years people like these should be band their nasty comments are not needed.this horrible individual has been reported to admin.thankyou for reading this take care all joanne x

[Activity2004]

I'm so sorry to hear that someone is bothing you. Anytime you want to talk, I'm always going to be around. I sent a PM to you. Please take a look at it. I hope it helps.

[greenbexy]

To be honest I think that most of the posters on here, are there to support one another. Some though are a little insensitive in a 'been there, done that' type of attitude. These forums are selective, take the advice or leave it. As for the poster who upset you, it's a 'leave it'! X

[Hidden]

I think that 'we' as members should try and be sensitive to one another's needs and what Joanne really needed was a bit of moral support and as well as the saying 'if you haven't got anything good to say about someone else then don't say it' rings true as does being sensitive enough to know not to 'kick someone when they are down'. Because however well meaning telling it like is from your perspective is, it does not help because this reinforces her negative feelings about her self. And when a post degenerates into petty bickering all is lost.

So my advice to you Joanne is rise above the negative comments and focus on the positive ones.

One of my favourite buddhist quotes is the 'sound of one hand clapping' and this means it takes 2 and if anyone wants to give me hard time it will be unfruitful as I will not take the bait so all negative comments aimed at me are like the sound of one hand clapping.

If Joanne leaves because of this it is a sad reflection on us, as we are a support forum for people with special dietary needs.

Lastly I think to be as open as Joanne has been on a public forum shows strength and I admire her for that so you're A OK in my book Joanne. And we have a shared enemy...gluten so please lets focus on that and staying well.

Jerry

[joed in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your support and kind words x

[greenbexy]

I hope you feeling a little better knowing that 1. People are here for you and will listen and advise you, (and you advise them!) 2. Some people are passive/aggressive to try to get their point across.

You take as much or as little from the forum, hopefully you will still post and not let people upset you.

Do you have a pain management team in your area? They can help you with skin patches etc and really help you find the right pain medication that suits you.

I really hope you find peace and happiness, with or without your hubby, it's what makes you happy (and pain free if poss) that's important. Xx

[RodeoJoe]

I read that post and I genuinely don't think it was intended to be nasty. It was simply advising you to look inward rather than outward if you are falling out with everyone.

This is a public forum and you asked for advice, as another poster says its up to you to choose what you take from it.

It may not always be well received but I'm from the school of positive mental attitudes, and when 'everybody hates you' don't simply blame it on being ill because that is probably going to exacerbate the situation. Take a more positive approach and work on those relationships.

I've responded to this because you've taken the stance of reminding everyone what they should and shouldn't post on this forum.

[joed in reply to RodeoJoe]

I'm not getting into a debate with your but your post doesn't make sense I don't know what you are trying to say this forum is for people to reach out for friendly support not to kick people when they are down and what ever you say the post from the nasty individual was not called for "if people don't have anything nice to say then don't say nothing at all " and I stand by this life is hard enough nasty people should keep their comments to themselves.

[Activity2004 in reply to joed]

Try to relax, joed. I think what Rodeojoe was trying to say was just that people don't want to be sensored-- even if they sometimes should stop and consider how what they say can effect another person's feelings. Not taking sides-- just reading what has been said/written. If you have any questions, feel free to let me know by PM.

[Henbur]

I don't think people set out to say something that would offend. In life so many things are subjective and open to interpretation. The problem (or positive, depending on how you view it) with forums is you'll get all of those opinions at once. The second issue is the written word lacks the body language and tone that comes with face to face contact and the spoken word. I think to some degree or another we all 'reserve the right to be offended' and once a post, however well intended or not, has caused offence it spirals because both sides keep responding to each other and reinforcing what they meant and their perspective because they feel the issue lies with being misunderstood as opposed to their words not being appropriate. Personal reflection is an important human trait but you have to be ready to make an inward judgement - perhaps the person/ people who upset you is now reflecting on the situation and how they could have handled it differently. Try to focus on all the positives you've had from the forum over the years it would be a shame to cut your self off because of a minority. Take care x