Shame?

[Exister]

I’m female and identify to basically everyone as pansexual and gender fluid and I use they/them pronouns. My height and bone structure make me look very masculine sometimes, and I like being feminine sometimes, too. I thought that enjoying presenting on both sides of the spectrum made me gender fluid.

Over the past year or so, though, I’ve been thinking a lot. I began wondering if I’m a trans guy, but denied it because I liked being femme sometimes. Now I’m pretty sure I’m a gay trans guy who is authentically femme sometimes. I know that that doesn’t make me any less of a man, but, since I’ve gone through a bunch of labels in the past, I worry what other people will think. Part of me knows that my identity is much more important, but part of me wants to stay as a sort of proof that nb people exist.

So many people think that you’re either cis or “fully” trans, and anything in the middle is just a phase as you figure out what you really are. I don’t want to fall into this stereotype but it turned out to be true for me.

I’m moving in three months, so I decided to just wait it out, but it still sucks. Any tips?

[Hidden]

Hi just be what/who you desire and to Hell with everyone else as can never please everyone anyway so why bother?

As me i only have to please myself anyone else is a Bonus!

I'm probably on with opposite side to you?

But i don't think most actually know who/where/what they are for a long time in life!

But as long as don't harm/hurt anyone ie physically what does it matter?

[Kat_SparklesFairy]

You are certainly going through so much turmoil and torment. Only you can decide if you are NB or GF. But, may i suggest that you try to concentrate on being proud of how you feel. Dont be swayed by other peoples perspective of CIS or Trans. Most just do not get it, reagrdless of what label you assign yourself. Yes you are still trying to understand yourself, your emotions and feelings. I wonder if you are stereotyping yourself based on how others may or may not see you. It wont be easy. Theres no quick fix. Your feelings of how you wish to be in gender and sexuality are personal to you, and you alone. Explore all options. Whatever label you are on a day to day basis, will be only judged by those who do not know you, in your heart. Just go with your heart. You have much to explore. Just enjoy the ride until you decide you finally know which path is to your future happiness. Carehugs to help 🦄💪🦄

[Exister in reply to Kat_SparklesFairy]

Thank you so much for the response! I’ve realized that part of the issue is whether or not I want top surgery. I’m really lucky to have the resources and support that would make it possible. Sometimes I think about whether or not I would be happy with a flat chest and the answer is always yes. But some days I’m much more femme and even if I’m not as comfortable it feels sort of natural. Do I just feel that way because I’ve been told that females should feel femme?

[Kat_SparklesFairy in reply to Exister]

I would suggest yes, you feel that way, because your peers and society in general say that you should be femme because of the body parts you were born with. Although the world has come a long way in acknowledging the validity of trans, they still have a lot to learn about the fact the brain does not necessarily develop as per a persons body. So i would say you have been conditioned to believe you must be femme, and have a top that shows that fact. For me, having that top is important, as it will show the world i am femme. But that is because of my own dysphoria and conditioning 🤔 But also bottom surgery to look the part is more important. Im just a tomboy at heart and know im not a girly girl. But, after my GRS i will feel content. We are all condoned to be pink or blue. It majes our MH bad when we realise we are not one, but the other, or even both. If Top surgery is important to your mental and physical well being, then that is something you must think about. To be blunt and referring to my own crisis about my body, I still dont want to live while i have things between my legs that people define me by. But im close to getting surgery and so hang on. a people are seeing me in my heart and soul now, not by how i look. It is a life changing decision to opt for surgery. If you would feel free, the go for it, research and talk to others who started the same as you in fellings and emotions. x