Free to Breathe

Long post- update on my dad.

Hi there-

I'm sitting in a hospital room at south shore hospital in Massachusetts visiting my dad. ( when he's awake at least), currently he's sleeping.

It started Thursday night when my dad was saying he was in pain and obviously looked extremely frail. My brother decided it was best to call an ambulance. As you know, my dad can't walk, he can't make himself food, and it has gotten to the point that he can now barely sit up to drink a sip of water. He was very dehydrated and his potassium and maganisum were dangerously low. I rushed from Maine to Massachusetts to visit at the local hospital and the sentences he was forming were not cohesive. They didn't make sense and he would almost moan and groan as if he was in pain.

When he went to a local hospital- the doctor ( who doesn't know my dads history with cancer) said he believed it was possibly spreading in his brain or other parts as well. He ordered a cat scan of his brain and it came back negative. Thank God. I was a little perturbed that the doctor would make an assumption like that and scare us all, before doing the scan, but I guess It is what it is.

He is now transported to the south shore hospital in Weymouth, this is where he gets his chemo and they know his medical history.

As childish and selfish as this might sound- I feel like my dad isn't the same. He's always in a bad mood, he sleeps probably 20+ hours a day. Sometimes I don't even think he knows I'm here. He wakes up delirious and usually very grumpy. 😔 I miss my warm, big blue eyed dad I use to have. The dad that use to call me everyday to see how my day was going, and give me the best hugs and shoulder to cry on when I needed it, like right now!

Please say a prayer for my dad to get through this cancer and please say a prayer for me too. Thanks!

-Lesley

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LesleyKay, Your emotions are all normal ones and completely understandable. I am glad you shared so candidly. Bless your breaking heart, you are just missing your Father. You have done an exemplary job of caring for him and loving him, pat yourself on the back - many times over. This is just a moment in time when you are both very vulnerable and human. He has proven, throughout your life, that he wants to be that loving Dad, but (as you know) his body is taking all his attention right now and he has, quite literally, no choice. And, let me add, neither do you, because you are stretched to your limit and lonely for his caring familiar touch.

Take a deep, slow breath. Remember what you have meant to one another, and walk into the moment that is and love him as things stand for now.

He is in a good place where they know him and they will do everything they can do to help him at this difficult time. Be patient with yourself, and patient with your Dad. This is painful for both of you.

Sincere and caring hugs and prayers, Lesley - please keep talking to us! We want to be with you both.

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I, too had a problem with low potassium and had to have numerous infusions. I felt worse with that than with the chemo. Give him time as this is a difficult journey for you and him. I had the advantage of being a caregiver for my husband when he had cancer (Agent Orange-related) and I saw his cancer journey which helped me prepare for mine. Hang in there. I will pray for your dad.

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Praying for you and your Dad 🙏🏻

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Is your dad still being treated with carboplatin? His caregivers need to give him a Gatorade or similar drink daily. If he can't tolerate that there's a product call Drip Drops you can use to increase electrolytes in his other beverages.

So sorry that your family is going through this. It truly is a family disease. It strains all relations. Is he still taking steroids with his treatment? If yes, he will feel closer to normal.

The sleep is necessary as his body is using what energy he has to heal.

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Prayers for you and dad and all of the cancer patients hoping and praying for good outcomes.

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Hi Lesley ,

I am so sorry your father is having it so rough right now. He sounds like a tough guy and I'm sure he will pull through soon. Please keep your faith in god he has power over all things and we don't always get to understand the reasons why. I hope he pulls through this soon I know you all have been through so much. I will be here in tennessee praying for all of you.

Sincerely ,

RW

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Lesley, Hello. Thank you for the update on how your dad is doing. So sorry he is in such pain and confusion. You are so brave and a warrior for hanging in there with and for him. He is blessed with how much you love him. I'm sure he knows that!! Please take care of yourself. I know it is not easy to remind yourself to eat and take care of things in your life. You are and will continue to be blessed for what you are doing for your dad.

Please email me if you would like to kate93105@msn.com. I am home most of the time and available to chat. God loves and blesses you. Love and hugs,

Kathie

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You are doing what only a loving daughter can do. You are there showing your dad your love for him. The medical staff will provide the medical care he needs, but your presence means everything to him. Even if he is not awake, he knows you are there, but do heed what others here have said, take care of yourself. Losing your own health and well-being helps no one.

Take care. Prayers for both of you.

Jean

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I am so sorry you're going through this. I will pray for your dad and you.

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I will pray for your dad and you also.He sounds very dehydrated,it effects all organs ,I had the best oncologist in the world and a wonderful radiologist oncologist, But the key is staying hydrated,It is very hard to want to eat or drink when you are having chemo.,so hopefully he is getting it with steroids,hang in there and support him,and pray for the best btw ,Gatorade is good ,but I used to love a Mc,D milkshake

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Praying for your dad right now! Please keep up updated.

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Meant to add that the anger may in part be to steroids. They can cause epic mood swings while allowing the body to feel normal.

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Dear Lesley, I want you to know I am here for you in the best way I can and that's through prayer. I feel for you and your family and hope that prayer by you and for you will put a robe of comfort around you when times get rough. God bless and may he comfort you in these trying times. Kathie

kate93105@msn.com

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May your father be at peace, and if possible, be healed. May you love him and know that he loves you--the dad you described is there still, but the illness seems to have shut him out. Now he needs you, and your hugs, and your love--my prayers are with you, your dad, and all who know and love him. Be comforted, support him, make sure he's getting the right kind of care for his cancer and the symptoms he's having now. He should not be in pain. He should be getting nourishment IV if he can't eat. Perhaps contact Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston if you need advice for a second opinion. It feels to me that you could both benefit from some care and attention from a good program of Psychosocial Oncology and Palliative Care, such as is available at Dana-Farber (which includes highly trained and superbly compassionate psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and geriatricians).

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I kmow it hurts. When my dad died it was like it wasn't real. My dad also gave the best hugs so I give you a big hug from me. Your dad is in pain and is not himself try to remember him like you did in your post. He means no harm . Cancer sucks and takes away so much from someone. Try to talk to someone -- ask the hospital they should have resources. Keep your chin up. 🌺

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Much prayers to you and your Dad, ...going through the same with my Dad.

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Oh. Bless you all. It is so very painful to see our loved ones suffer and struggle. There truly are no words to fit the feelings...well, maybe there are, because everyone here has stated it beautifully. This is just plain, all out hard. I am so very sorry, and am with you, thinking of you both...we just really need one another to pull through these times. So, here we are.

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