The Importance of Friendship

My best friend and trusted confidant passed last summer, and it created a huge void. She went to almost all the appointments with me and we would talk later about what was said, what it meant, and where to go to from there. 35 years of friendship was a great healer. Today I took the leap of faith and talked to another long time friend. Didn't know what to expect, and certainly didn't think I was going to do that. The support and ability to say out loud what I have been thinking was a tremendous help in chasing away the demons. I am grateful that it was a lot of support and letting me make decisions instead of being told what I should do.

If you are having a hard time, my best suggestion is to talk to someone you trust and play it by ear - if it doesn't go well, have a back up and switch topics. None of us needs people to tell us what to do - we need to have support and sometimes all that is is being able to say things out loud!

5 Replies

  • andean,

    It's good to read that you are reaching out to fill that void. Yes, we all need someone with whom we can think out loud and test ideas without "should"s and overbearing advice.


  • You are so correct! Sadly I have lost a few "friends" who just cannot handle the idea of death, even though I have not attempted to engage them in deep conversation. One of them has been with me through the first 4 cancers, but just can't handle it any longer. I refuse to push - they have to come to terms with this on their own, just like I have to. Fortunately I have the great support of a few very close friends - most don't talk about it, which is fine at this point. I know they will be there when the time comes to deal with the darker side of this

  • Often the amount of information we receive during an appointment is overwhelming. It is so helpful to have that trusted person there because we may only hear a part of what is presented to us. Being able to discuss it afterward may help clarify that information and help to make informed decisions. I'm so glad you have had that important someone and have now reached out to someone else. Hoping for continued progress on this crazy journey.


  • I use a dictation recorder when I go alone - that way I can play back and make sure I hear everything. However, I prefer to have a human with me because it just isn't taking in the information, it is also about being able to talk and flesh out what I want versus what is happening to me. When that happens, I feel like my decisions are more informed because I've talked about it out loud and gotten feedback. I'm very much on the side of quality instead of quantity. The last 15 years have been tough, and I am tired of spending most of my time feeling too sick to do much,

  • anrean,

    You are so right. You all deserve a non-judgemental ear, open heart, and open arms!

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