Trying to overlook negativity

Hi there,

This is mainly a personal venting session, but it sort of left an uneasy feeling for me. Usually I can overlook negativity, or at least try to be cognizant that every situation, experience, and diagnoses is different. However, I had been chatting on and off recently with a pretty optimistic woman who overcame small cell lung cancer and is currently living disease free. I think that is amazing and so inspirational! If you follow my posts, you would know that my Dad has had some rough couple of weeks and most recently has had a little of a downhill spell as he's dealing with the side effects of radiation, and also his small cell lung cancer. I had messaged this woman to ask her if she had brain radiation, and if she had also experienced any of these similar side effects. I was a bit taken back by her response.

This was her response i copied and pasted "brace yourself, huney.. just brace.. that is all I can say...not to be too blunt.. but the amount of reading I have done it.. well... not good.

I don't think I would fight if it came back in my brain. I do not think I would do the mask thingy with the radiation such with my brain... just as soon get a ton of morphine and go to sleep. I am so sorry.. you can unfriend me if you want... just being honest."

This has left me feeling a bit down and I watch my dad trying to fight this cancer everyday. My dad wouldn't ever take morphine and just go to sleep- and to put him in that sort of category really upset me. Of course we know the odds aren't stacked in his favor. Of course we know that since it's in his brain it's not a good scenario. Of course we know that small cell lung cancer is a horrible, devastating diagnoses. But- we still have to try and remain strong as a family. I guess it just annoyed me to suggest my Dad is already in unfortunate statistics and not a survivor is hurtful.

I hope I can try and stay strong for my Dad and have faith that God and our guardian angels will prevail. Thanks for reading.

~Lesley

17 Replies

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  • Lesley,

    My opinion about what this woman sent you might run counter to your own observation, but I did not take from what she sent you, as her putting your father into the same basket she would put herself. She has decided to drift off in a cloud of happy feelings instead of fighting the beast if it came back.

    Your father is fighting his own battle, and you are looking for advice, suggestions, insight and words of wisdom. This woman's point of view, I assume, was offered from her true belief of what she would allow for herself, and was not a conclusive statement about your Father's worth.

    I hear the same type of thing day in and almost day out. "If I was dealing with what you are Mike, I am not sure I would be able to fight it like you. I might just rather find a way to off myself." That is one way to deal with it, I guess, and if I ask for an opinion, and that is what is offered as their point of view, I would be okay with that. Since, after all, it was their point of view about their own decision concerning their treatment,or denial of the same.

    Anyway, that is just my opinion about what I read. You might be reading more into it based on your history with the women and your previous contacts. But the most important thing to remember, is your Father and his well being. Never let human frailties get between you and your loved ones. Love without remorse, laugh without end, and look forward to the future you create for yourself.

    Mike "Serrecko" March

    mikeswebspot.com

    Leader of The Skyline Gaggle of Noobs

    TheSkylineGaggle.com

  • I am so sorry that she said those cruel things. Everyone is different, has different tolerence levels, and different outcomes. This is my 5th primary cancer, and I have been fighting since 2002. I've made some strong and serious decisions FOR ME. That does not mean everyone else will take the same path. The best source of information is your Dad's doctors. Ask them what rads and chemo will mean, and what the chemo will be like. For me, I am choosing quality over quantity - that doesn't mean I won't do chemo, but after having breat ca twice, I don't want to spend the end of my time violently ill. If chemo can be done without the violent puking and buy me a lot of time, I will go for it...if not, I may end up choosing to pass. Again, that is MY decision. There are so many options out there for us, it depends on which ones will fit into my treatment.

    Stay strong and don't let the "brutal honesty" of someone bring you down. The only people you can really rely on are your Dad's docs and your Dad's decisions.

  • I was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and I had every treatment available. I was sick some and tired for awhile and had to be hospitalized a few times but it is not a traumatic memory. And that was eleven years ago. I think it was worth it!

  • It's great to hear this Amysdata. You are an inspiration!

  • Stay strong. Continue to pray. Every patient responds differently both physically and emotionally. This is just her personal opinion. I did not have whole brain radiation but had craniotomy to remove two tumors and then stereotactic radiation on two more. The craniotomy recovery was really rough, but not true for SrS. I pray that your dad will do well with his treatments and that you can continue to be a support and source of hope for him.

    Jennifer

  • Thank you Jennifer, I appreciate your kind response. I will do all I can to stay strong for him!

  • I have nsclc with brain mets. Had my brain radiated. No side effects. Boom!

  • Hi Lesley what lovely advise from all our wonderful people in this site. I especially admire Mike who is so inspirational, uplifting and has gone through so much. My cancer was dx 5/16 had surgery 7/16 LL lobectomy have been blessed thus far not to need chemo but live everyday day in fear of it coming back. Just saying we are all affected in different ways. Lesley I've follow you and you are such a devoted daughter whom i pray that God gives you strength to carry on! Please don't pay attention to the negativity written by that lady and definitely unfriend her. Ultimately it up to God. Sending love and light to you and dad!!😘🌷🌺💖

  • Thank you, Faith! I Agree that God has this in his hands, hoping for recovery/remission of some kind. <3

  • Lesley, I am so sorry for what must be a mountain of different feelings you are going through. Like others have said, every person is different and deals with things in their own way, be it denial, seclusion , or trying to get help with all the many scenarios going on in their heads. As for the remarks and suggestion from this person you have been talking to, don't let her make her feelings and reactions become your own, she is dealing with her pain the way she needs to. Probably best to not respond anymore to her. I myself have stage 3 carcinoid lung cancer. Diagnosed in 2014. In fact I am going for more test today to see where everything stands right now. Every one here in this group has their own personal battle going on, but are terrific in their own way. Any one of us are here for you. I hope we can help you to cope with your Dads journey. Your free to vent, seek advice, anything you need in this group . Hope I've helped in some small way, chin up!

  • Hi there-

    Thank you for responding. I think you are right that everyone deals with this type of situation differently. I will try not to let her opinions effect me. I hope you have great news today, I am thinking of you! Thanks again for responding!

  • Hi Lesley, I had my tests yesterday, but won't hear anything for a few days and even more for mammo and scans. I'll let everyone know as soon as I find out. How is your Dad doing? I pray every day for your Dad as well as others who are suffering to find peace during their daily struggles. Hang in there, Make the time you spend with Dad a time to reminisce, I think quality time is better than quantity. Does he like to read? If he does maybe spend some time reading with him or to him. Thinking of you, praying.

  • Lesleykay,

    Well, I am sure you are not surprised at all the wisdom flowing towards you from this group. I am just so grateful you feel comfortable enough to come to us when you are feeling fragile. It is my feeling that the woman you were communicating with didn't mean to impact you negatively, she was just talking from where she finds herself now. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't understand how that would hit you; I have no doubt that I would find that response painful were I in your shoes. Still, I don't believe she meant to hurt you, she could only express what she sees as her truth.

    But, clearly she is not you or your Dad, and your love is so strong that the two of you will face whatever you need to face head on and together. Please keep being your wonderful hopeful, faith-filled self. Your voice here, so full of compassion and kindness, is a gift. You two can do this, please believe that!

  • Thank you Peggy! Your words mean alot, truly they do! <3

  • I'm so glad you joined this site. As so many others have said, each person's journey with cancer is different, so our decisions will be different. I believe that this journey can be harder for family and support people than it is for the patient. You are watching your father go through this journey and that can be the hardest thing of all. Your love and support mean more to him than you can ever know. May God bless you and support and strengthen you as you face one of the most difficult journeys.

    Hope this is helpful. Let us know how things are going.

    Jean

  • Some people really have no clue what your Dad is going through. I'm sorry this person feels the way she does but that does not excuse her unkindness in answering you. Tell your Dad to keep fighting this horrrible disease. He'll be glad he did.

  • Thank you Ruthie. I agree with you as it did hurt even if she meant it that way or not. Trying all I can to stay positive and have faith. Thank you for responding.

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