Need a little boost

[Enjoyabull]

I need a positive boost today! Please! I know there are success stories of you with stage 4 NSCLC, can you give me a little encouragement? I really need it today. I appreciate it. I have never had radiation, I have failed immunotherapy (scans showed progression while on it) I am back on chemo, lost my hair, no appetite and zero energy. I have a ton of anxiety and that's another question, how is everyone dealing with anxiety? I have Ativan and have been taking 1/4 tablet of a .5 mg a couple times a day and a half at night. I also have not heard from Nancee54 has anyone else?

[Ruthie1950]

I have stage 3B. Were you not a candidate for radiation or did you opt out of it? I know radiation has done more to hold the cancer at bay than chemotherapy. I was deathly sick while on chemo and now am being told that the cancer has returned. I have been given 3 options, surgery ( if my heart doctor clears me for it), to remove my lung, chemotherapy ( not an option from my standpoint), or to ride it out to the end. If surgery is not an option, I will ride it out till the end.

I talked it over with both my radiation and chemotherapy doctors who said to keep in mind that I should make my decision based on what is going to give me the best quality of life.

The reason chemotherapy will not be factored into the equation is I have not forgotten how sick I was while I was on it. The after effects of the drugs in my system kept me weak and sick for an additional month or more. Without the surgery, I'm terminal. Right now I have pain periodically but can tolerate it. I am able to enjoy time with my family and friends and ironically everyone, including doctors look at me and say "you don't look sick!"

I really don't look sick and most days I can still function. I'll never be 100% of what I was before but I thank God for every day. I am blessed.

I pray you can come to terms with what you're going through, but you need to ask yourself if this is the best quality of life you can have. If taking chemotherapy extends your life and you're too ill to live it to the fullest, what have you gained? I pray I have not made you feel worse or burdened you anymore than you already are, but please ask yourself these questions.

God bless you. Pray and seek God's guidance. He will direct your path and carry through the rest of life's journey.

[Enjoyabull in reply to Ruthie1950]

I am hoping chemo starts to work and I feel better. This is what my Dr. Said the plan is. I am not a candidate for radiation apparently it has spread and is in to many places. I actually feel better when chemo is working than with it not working and the cancer getting worse. I was on Opdivo for a few months and I had cancer progression and felt so sick. I feel like I am recovering from that.

[Ruthie1950 in reply to Enjoyabull]

Bless your heart. I pray the chemo works and you do start to feel better! I hope I did not discourage you as I was only relaying my personal feelings and beliefs.

Everyone is different and one treatment may work well for one and not another.

Do what you feel will give you the best quality of life, if that's chemo, immunotherapy or to do nothing. You and only you can decide which is the best option.

I pray God will strengthen you and start to heal your body, mind and soul. Cancer is a horrible disease but it's not bigger than God.

God bless you.

[Enjoyabull in reply to Ruthie1950]

Its not bigger than god and I have faith!

[Hidden in reply to Ruthie1950]

I would feel the same way.. chemo is just poison.. it affects everything in our bodies! I am so sorry for you! I will continue to pray for you! God bless u

[scifiknitter Blogger]

Enjoyabull,

Glad to read that you have some Ativan on hand. Sending best hopes that as the chemo exhaustion fades, it helps you feel better.

Anita

[Angie2208]

There is no kind chemo. It's gonna chew you up,and spit you out. That's been my experience.

[Patches1]

There are many different types of chemo. I felt a little fluish and didnt lose my hair. Report all symptoms to your Onc.

[Serrecko Volunteer]

Enjoyabull - Have you ever taken a picture of a cheeseburger missing the cheese and posting it to Facebook? Stick with me here, and just read this long post to understand how lucky we, cancer patients, truly are. That will at least give you a slight boost.

I just read this after replying to you elsewhere and let me start off by saying, YOU are not alone when you ask for a little boost. Please, never stop yourself from asking for a little help. We all need it from time to time.

I also failed out of an immunotherapy clinical trial, mine was at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD and now I am being treated with chemo until that no longer helps. My cancer is inoperable and I have had more radiation than the Atomic Bomb Dome in Hiroshima, so it was either chemo therapy, or hospice right out of the gate. For the love of my family, and to give me time to setup a non-profit foundation that buys bikes for kids at Christmas, I opted for chemotherapy. Now I make a weekly trip to the Chemo Buffet at the local Cancer Center, and take a 3-4 hour twilight nap that is just, somehow, very refreshing.

Just knowing *I* made that decision gives me a boost when I think about my situation.

I give myself a boost as often as I need one, which can be once a week, or three times a day. A lot depends on pain levels, and how close I am to my last chemo trip. But, every now and then, I need someone to give me a boost. I come here, or have in the past to read what others are posting, and a lot of times, that gives me the boost I need. I feel a kindred spirit on this web site.

As far as anxiety goes, I am in the same boat as you are in. I take an Ativan, .5mg at least once a day, sometimes twice, but I find it levels me out too much and actually makes my anxiety a little worse. See, I know the longer I live with this cancer, and the longer I have chemo, the length of my waking hours will keep getting less and less. So, that depresses me a lot, and causes me to clench a bit. So, I don't take it much. When my wife looks at me and says "You need to take an Ativan", I know I am stressed out without meaning to be. So I take one.

I really wish there was a one size fits all remedy to so many of our anxieties, doubts, fears and emotions when it comes to us cancer patients, but thankfully there is none. We are all unique in our own way, yet we share common aspects of the human condition. We are the lucky few that know, with certainty, we are living on borrowed time. That gives us an option not everyone has. We can decide what truly is important in our lives and act upon that knowledge as we watch everyone else take pictures of their fast food cheeseburger that came without the cheese. Oh the horror! But unless this disrespect or transgression is not posted on Facebook for the world to see, there is simply no justice in the world.

Then their friends will put them on a prayer list and want to boycott the fast food joint for scamming someone out of a slice of something that resembles cheese.

See how lucky we truly are?

Just think about that for a second. Think about how much your life has improved with the knowledge that yes, we are all gonna die, and yes, we probably will go much sooner than most, but at least we no longer worry about 95% of what makes up the American Lifestyle. We learn to love family more, care about our neighbors more, donate our time to help others more, give cash to worthy causes easier and think about TODAY more than tomorrow.

Now, stop and think about all of that for a moment. Haven't you found out what truly matters in life? I know I have and many other cancer patients I have met over the past 8 years would agree with me. I simply feel lucky and blessed just knowing that life is very precious and we should always live for today, love without end and take each breath and feel blessed to have been alive at all.

I care about you, your emotional well being and how your treatment is going, and I have never met you, most likely never will, but I care about you more than I care about friends I have had for 30 years. Why? Cause we share something that makes us see each other's humanity. We are here for each other more so than with anyone else we will ever meet on any other web site. We all share a common bond that simply allows us all to get past the nonsense of it all.

To see each other clearly without needing to open our eyes is the one gift cancer gives those that it attacks. That is how, in the end, we beat cancer. It can take our lives, but it can not take our spirit.

Happy Valentines Day also.....

Hugs,

Mike "Serrecko" March

MikesWebSpot.com

Leader of The Skyline Gaggle of Noobs

A Fundraising Paintball Team

TheSkylineGaggle.com

[Mcprough in reply to Serrecko]

Amazing story. I am stage 4 lung ca. With 3 years survival...you touched my heart!

[JeanE41 in reply to Serrecko]

What a beautiful response. You reminded me that no matter what this disease does to us we have the option to love and do good. Thank you.

[Enjoyabull in reply to Serrecko]

Thank you for your reply and support. It helps believe me!

[Hidden in reply to Serrecko]

What a truthful loving message for all of us.. god bless you

[jpoehlmann]

Every patient is different and we all respond differently, but there are still going to be a lot of commonalities in how we feel and the anxieties we share. I've been writing about my experience on chemotherapy for a little over two years now at justbadforyou.com/blog and maybe you'll find something there that will help to lift you up or make you laugh. My combination of carboplatin and Alimta worked very well for me, and I've stayed on Alimta this whole time with no option for radiation or surgery. I'm at the start of my third year on chemo and I wouldn't trade the time for anything. My timing was off on getting into a clinical trial for an immunotherapy when I received my diagnosis and I didn't want to wait for a new one to open up, so I leapt in with both feet and had the good fortune of stabilizing the disease. Sometimes we get lucky with a combination that works, and hopefully there will be one that works right for you with minimal side effects and strong results. Best of luck to you!

[Serrecko Volunteer]

I am linking your Blog on my web site if you are okay with that. My site is MikesWebSpot.com and it's not a blog as much as it is just a site about me and for friends and family to stare at once I am gone. It has been on the web since about 1995-96.

[Hidden]

So sorry u r down today! I have not had radiation.. only chemo. It must be agonizing to have lost your hair! There is a wig shop in the facility I go to and the wigs are free! Isn't that awesome ! I am on 2 different anti depressants which help so very much. It seems u r on a very low dose of your medication.. talk to your dr and he can subscribe something else. I also go to a councilor which is a god sent. I'm hopeful cuz new meds r coming out all the time and people are living longer! I will continue to pray for you..god bless u

[Enjoyabull in reply to Hidden]

I love cats but could never have one due to my daughters allergy! . Thank you for the encouraging words and advice