First post-op visit today

Well I don't even know where to being! It wasn't the news I was expecting that's for sure. For those of you that don't know on July 12, 2016 I had a lobectomy of my right lower lobe which there was 1 mass NSCLC Adencocarcinoma, Or so we thought. Well today I found out that there were two masses of NSCLC Adenocarcinoma I'm the lower lobe of the lung, and SCLC Carcinoma I'm one of my lymph nodes. My Thoracic surgeon does understand why the lymph nodes is showing SCLC. So for now I will be getting a MRI of the brain, Chemo for a couple of months starting in 2 weeks, Radiation therapy my doctors wants to share my case with his colleagues. I guess I'm consider a special case. Yeah I'm sure feeling special! They did up my Gabapentin for the nerve pain 200mg morning and 200mg afternoon and 300mg at bedtime. So hopefully that will help with the pain. If not still can up the meds. My cough is getting better too. I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, questioning why me? What did I ever do that was so terrible? I've already been through enough. I've been through a terrible divorce, raise 3 kids on my own with no help, Had to go to court to fight to see my grandson. I'm only 49 years old. I've raised 3 great kids a police officer, welder/ mechanic and cosmetology. Isn't this suppose to be my time now ?To breathe easier! Sit back and enjoy life? But no I get another slap in the face. It's like I can't get a break! Questioning my religion! I'm a good person! I worked in a Pediatric Emgenecy Dept. of a #1 trauma hospital for 8 years helping save life's. SO WHY! Please tell me Why Me! When can I catch a break!! I'm sorry for venting. I know that there are people on here that situations are much worse then mine . I should be thankful that I have 3 kids and 1 grandson that are health. I'm just so overwhelmed with emotions right now. I know I will get through this.I know I need to stay POSITIVE! But I just had to get this off my chest. Sorry if I offend or upset anybody!

The New Girl Patty!

20 Replies

  • I know it's a lot more questions than answers at this point. But your oncology team sounds like they are on top of it. When I was first diagnosed, my case was presented to something called the tumor board. It was a team of oncologists, thoracic surgeons and drs. It was comforting to me to know I didn't have just one dr making decisions. It was a team.

    Is it at all possible to run the tests again just to verify you really do have both types? Also, did they test the nsclc for genetic mutations?

    Did your cancer center give you information about a social worker? It's good to talk out these questions and feelings out loud too.

  • That's exactly what my doctor is going to do, present it to his thoracic team. I feel the same as you would rather have a bunch of doctors making the desicion in my treatment. And yes it was a very bad day Thursday. Feeling better getting ready for whatever is coming my way! Thank you Patty

  • I am just glad you were able to vent, because sometimes that is exactly what you need to do. Now that have, it's time to lean on your support system and fight. Pamper yourself right now. Sending you positive thoughts.

  • Thank you! I Hope that includes all the junk food I want, trying to have all my favorite foods. Also this coming Friday me and my daughter are doing spa day. Thanks again

  • No need to apologize for venting! I'm just sorry that your challenges got more complicated.

  • I'm ready now, I just needed a couple of days to regroup. I went to Relay for Life on Saturday. I don't know if you have ever heard of it before or not. It's for the caregivers of cancer patients, survivors of cancer, people who have lost their life to cancer. It's too raise money for cancers. It was very moving and uplifting. I so needed it

    Thank you

  • I'm certainly not offended! First of all I'd like to say that when something this devastating hits you, it's normal to have these feelings and emotions. We as humans have a tendency to look around and say "I haven't done or said the things that so and so has said and done but look how they've prospered!"

    It sounds as though you have led a life that people can look at you and say, "Amazing woman", look at what she's done with her life!

    Don't let this get you down. Put your shoulders back, hold your head high, and say "Lord, give me strength to fight this thing!" It sounds as though He's been with you through all your trials and tribulations up to this point and He says" I'll NEVER leave you nor forsake you." He is still with you and is already fighting on your behalf even though you can't see it yet.

    Just in case you think I don't know what I'm talking about, here's a little of my background. I had brain surgery to clamp two aneurysms in the brain in 2013. In Feb. 2015, I had 1/2 of my colon removed because of cancer. In Sept. 2915, I was diagnosed with inoperable stage 3b NSCLC. I am in remission and praise the Lord daily for His mercy and grace.

    He's there for you too, don't give up. God bless you.

  • Ruthie, you speak the truth. If it wasn't for God being in my life i probably won't of made it through all the other stuff that i have been through. I'm so sorry what you have been through! Thank God you are in remission!

    Thank you and God Bless you too

  • Thank you pattykellogg1966. God bless you too. God has shown Himself mightily in every trial and tribulation in my life. I can't not trust Him.

  • Didn't you mean to say you can trust him? If not please don't give up on God. Stay Strong

  • Patty,

    As you can hear from the replies of this community, you are not alone, so many people care about what this path is like for you. Thank you so much for sharing, keep venting and letting this community know how you are - they are listening. If you would like some information on other forms of peer support, have other questions, or would just like to chat, please feel free to call the Free to Breathe's support line 844.835.4325. Holding you close in my thoughts.

  • Thank you Peggy. This site and the people are awesome!

  • Peggy your not offending anyone were all here for you. So vent all you want we will listen. So sorry the news wasn't better. I'll be here for you anytime you need to talk or vent we all understand. Jo

  • Thanks Jo that means alot!

  • I felt the same way for only a short time. I have stage 4 nsclc and for 15 months were doing well. But within only a few days a person sent me an email telling me the reason this was happening to me.

    I've saved lives in combat, decorated for bravery and raised 3 great guys. My wife is my life, always has been but this person told me this was to bring me close to God.

    A light went on in my head and she was right. I began to pray day and night. During the day I never said AMEN. I told God it's an on going talk. I've never felt better. Still got cancer but I'm close to God and I'm so if I go I'll smile and know my next life will be with our Lord Jesus.

    God bless you and please relax, read, watch programs, go to your church and God will give you time...........

  • Thank you! And yes I do agree with you!

    Also Thank you for Serving our Country!

    God Bless

  • I'm so very sorry for all that's been happening to you! My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 nsclc in 2010 after 3 years of mri's, ct scans, multiple Dr. appointments. As of today, he is on his own, last treatment tried was opdivo, which he got pneumonia from, Dr. said after 6 years of chemo/radiation, it was time to give his body a break. I understand your frustration, we were only married 7 yrs, when this happened, but through all of this we have never asked why, we believe God does no punish, and everything happens for a reason. And my mom passed 2 years before from cancer too. My faith has become so much stronger since losing my mother and my husbands diagnosis. I have been praying for a miracle, and I've gotten it, no one thought my husband would be here this long!! You must not lose your faith, you cannot give in , you must stay strong, for yourself, no one else! We all have our good days and bad, and I'm sure when you wrote this it was a bad day. I will pray for you, I hope you have a strong support system, that will help you also!!!!! NO DEBBIE DOWNERS ALLOWED!!!!

  • Yes it was a terrible day! Im alway the positive one! Just had a melt down, im sure there may be more to come! But will never give up hope or trust in God, I to believe eveything happens for a reason, just haven't figured this one out yet. You sound like your a very strong women. God Bless

  • I know about melt downs. You can read mine. I don't know why things happen but I can look back at the last 8 months since my diagnosis of Stage 4 NSCLC at 56, and I can see God's hand in my life. It seems when ever something happens, I get a some sort of sign, a weird coincidence that tells me that Jesus is walking with me. I still have meltdowns sometimes, and sometimes my trust weakens, just as Peter's did when he started to sink into the sea but he reached out to Jesus and He pulled him up. God gave us emotions and it's okay to use them. It's ok to vent, as long as we keep our eyes on Him, we will be okay, no matter the outcome.

    Sometimes I still get angry, my boys are in their late 20s and not close to getting married or having children and I wonder if I will live long enough to see their weddings and hold my grandchildren. At least you have that.

    But what will be, will be, and I know I am incurable but I can still do a lot of things, including work where I can spread God's hope to others who are worse off than me. I pray daily for a miracle and for all of you and for others. I do my best to stay in the present day and look forward with hope.

  • God bless you! I'm in same boat. Faith, Hope & Love is what keeps us going