Just realized.....

[englishmumof2]

So it's just hit me today that I don't go any where or do anything...last week I slept 20 hrs Monday, Thursday, Friday, about 16 hrs Tuesday Wednesday. I even only walked the dog 2x.... this week slept all day Monday, 9-2.30 Tuesday, Wednesday, today 10.30-1.30 ... the only people I see are my dog walking buddies and that's if I make the effort and it is now becoming a big effort to go out. It's like sleeping is now my life... I'm not depressed but you know what I am very lonely... can't remember the last time I had a laugh , you know the belly busting laugh were you nearly pee your self!! And thing is this isn't me.... I don't want this...I want to be the bubbly out going person, the joker, the planner, the get everyone up and going person I used to be... the glass half full girl.... it's like everyone is living and I'm an outsider looking in with envy.... I even looked at getting a job just as a lunch lady.... but I worry I could even mess that up... but I need to do something as my life is drifting away from me!!!

[Hidden]

I'm with you here. I say I lost my smile when I moved back to the uk. I do smile if it's expected but it's not genuine.

Sometimes I will watch a really funny movie just to remember what it's like to laugh with friends again.

I also miss that being with people laughing til you wake up the next day and your jaw hurts. Haven't had that in a while.

I think it will hit me when I get back to uk on Monday. Leaving Bali today was only in oz for 48 hours so saw my best girlfriend for 3 hours at 9pm the night before going to Bali. Was so exhausted but I felt better seeing her. It's like I saw her yesterday bit 2 years ago.

Also weird the day I flew to oz, ex boyfriend messaged hi and I ignored it bevatse I didn't have time to see him and yesterday my best male friend messaged to say he my missed me.

I'm going to oz late tonight,

Have 3-4 hours my girlfriend coming yo pick me up and take me to her house but going to see if she would very nicely let my other friend and ex visit. Feel terrible I didn't get to see them as before I joined this group they were my only friends and have kept me going last couple of years because they were there when my accident happened and how bad my life became i.e. Losing my life.

I said to my girlfriend I wish you could come with me to my gp and tell him what type of person I am as I was a funny, joking, always laughing and smiling and having fun at work and outside and in the uk I'm a completely different personality.

I want the old me back.

But I wish you'd get your thyroid checked that exactly how I was before diagnosis. My brain was fixated on climbing into bed

Please keep us updated xxx

[englishmumof2 in reply to Hidden]

I see endocrinologist end of June! Last lot of bloods thyroid was tip top fine so it was put down to fnd....had thyroid ultra sound and the bloke said it's fine.... yes a growth on a thyroid is always fine... 🙈. Amy how calling hospital to see if back log for bloods is clear then I can go for the hormone and kidney tests.....I just wish there was something I can take to give me real energy... I'm tired of being tired... ps hopefully we get the new house and keys next Thursday.... in spite of our current agent saying they've never rented to us... and landlord refusing to give us references.... honestly lady I'm in your house for another 3 weeks ... if I was a nasty vindictive person o could screw you over... or refuse to leave because with out references who's going to rent to us....😀🤗😝😍

[Hidden in reply to englishmumof2]

So glad you are making vine away from that horrid landlord and have a nice sunny summer in your new place.

I have so much scar tissue around my thyroid because i think it was undiagnosed my whole 20s that an endocrinologist when I got to Australia said it was impinging on my windpipe and she wanted to remove it. I told her if I can't actually breathe then you have my permission to remove it otherwise it stays.

If you have a growth the most likely is scar tissue and with thyroid problems it can take a while to show in blood results so I hope you get some good answers with the endocrinologist and start to feel more alive again. I remember when I first started taking thyroxine, I felt like a child I had so much energy it just goes so slowly that you don't realise that over the years the thyroid just quietly slows everything down. Not wishing for you to get a positive diagnosis of anything but for 99% of people taking thyroxine makes them 'normal' again. I know this bevatse my gran and all my aunts on my dads side had it and just took the same dose everyday. I'm the zebra that the meds never worked for.

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

[englishmumof2 in reply to Hidden]

My growth is complex it bleeds too and is hot and cold!!! I like complex 🤗.

[englishmumof2 in reply to Hidden]

Agent called yesterday they want 6 months up front rent... that's like £17,000.... I said no way it's too much..... so we might loose the house but to be honest I don't care... my meds are keeping me sane.... a few weeks ago I'd have been a dribbling mess in the corner.....

[Hidden in reply to englishmumof2]

That's outrageous, Iv never heard of such a large deposit/rent. Is it even legal. Maybe they are playing you bevatse I can't see anyone else parting with that kind of money

Good luck. Arrgh I hate moving house 🤗🤗🤗

[englishmumof2 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Amallia.... I've said no so they've dropped it to 6 weeks and then the months rent... which we've got saved.... but they said as we paid late once by 5 days in 6 months... if they find another late payment we loose the house arghhhhhh

[Hidden in reply to englishmumof2]

I'd check (don't ask them) whether they are legally allowed to do that as I had a landlord in Australia who did that and the court ended up making him pay me money and whether it's written into the contract. because again I don't think it's legal and tenants have rights and so what if you pay one rent a few days late. Is it easier for them to wait a few days for the money or move you out then they have to go through the hassle of finding a new tenant. They just lose money that way.

Check with CAB and say you have a disability and you are already having stress from a landlord you haven't moved into yet.

In Oz you can get a pack for tenants rights.

Sending good thoughts for your new home 🤗❤️🙏✌️

[englishmumof2 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you my friend....

[Hidden]

Englishmumof2.

The loss of who we are is the toughest part of all this. I still have those memories of what life was like. Like you, I adapt and get by day to day. With hope that we wake up tomorrow and tackle the world. Much love.

Dan / Seattle

[englishmumof2 in reply to Hidden]

Yes finding hard to adjust... my poor kids loose out as I'm often to exhausted to take them out.... so I'm looking for a summer plan for them! Hoping I can find someone to take them fishing and swimming bike riding.... out door pursuits!!

Louisa / Wgc