I joined to understand & i still dont and dont think i want to

I joined to understand & i still dont and dont think i want to

Well i still dont understand any of it and dont think i want to.

What i mean by understanding is a simple why does it happen?

We all give answers to why we think but if the Dr's and Neurologists and physio's cannot answer then Who can.

Its so darn hard nowadays to be lively as much as we do try and liven it up we all know underneath theres suffering just some of us 'try' not to show it, try to keep others bright, try not to show our loved ones but ....

Today am showing the 'true' side the side thats making me sad .

I dont want hope you feel better because its not going to happen .

Todays not even pain, not depression i simply want what you all do only today i feel this way ... Well might only be this morning i may start jumping about later trying to boing on all ya beds and shout come on wakey wakey lets get some smiles going and lets play games yey .

I should feel lucky i have a glimmer of hope with having my own wrk and girls that do my job but it sure was much easier and less stressful when was just me,myself and i.

This fairy still has a chance despite my problems to build on it and expand but dont i need a clear head for thought lol organising and planning skills . They are all fading along with the physical side ,,, am holding it by throat pinning it down with gritted teeth saying dont you dare let go you got to keep going..

There is not much anyone can say really as being an Aries too am extremely usually updated, informed, on top , been there and its not nice at all .

I would rather just be much more laid back and be like ohhhh yeahhhh never heard of that ohhh reallly .

I just naturally am doopsy in many many ways

I get told i have a lot of intelligence i just dont know how to use it (now thats so true)

Because i would not be a cleaner otherwise lol i would have better words that i could use.

Technical forms of writing ie i have C3-c5 and need fusion (eg only)

My term is i got nerve compression a bad neck and my bodies b*ggerd lass

Just being honest

Now medicine i love medical things

Think am just ranting on this morning about nothing that makes any sense but thats ME !!!

So got my pj's on am off downstairs as no TV in bedroom. I been here all night why stay longer lol

Ahhh but would be cool.

So some may think (in a nice way of course ) well stuff ya no point replying haha

I can handle it am tough ... Not as had tears streaming down my face this morning just talking to my bl**dy self saying why cant you just get yourself together and stop all this and go back to wrk and have the money back ... Why not because i have and i keep trying to be knocked back down .

A friend yesterday Who had cancer recently said have i tried this that and other and try walking each day ..

Well in my job i drive a lot theres mountains of stairs each day i have tried a billion times i feel i just rubbing salt in a wound as pushing and doing is provoking it and makes it worse!!!

My trouble is the opposite i dont know how to relax!! Why dont they say that lol

My Dr actually keeps telling me to relax and that i MUST relax

.

Ok finished now haha apologies for Thursday rant if any one can pull me out this swamp today i give you a medal xxxxxxxx

Hope u all behaving xxxxx

4 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I'm being real brave and posting a reply!

    I'm with you all the way on this one. It's sometimes impossible to pretend you're OK when you're not, and no matter how many good wishes and suggestions you get, nothing helps and nothing makes sense.

    So ... why do we bother? I don't really know. I guess it's that feeling of a hand to hold when there's no end of suffering in sight, the sympathetic voice of someone who at least understands how you feel, and occasionally just the fact that someone might be feeling good today, and their happiness is infectious. It doesn't help a lot, but it's enough to make the next hour feel more bearable.

    Relaxing is hard - I have that trouble, too, but it can be done, and eventually you start to feel that you're in control again. You might not be in control of as much as you would like to be, but nevertheless you do develop your own way of making the best of things.

    Lesson one is to never, ever give yourself a hard time - and I can see that you haven't learned that lesson yet!

    Putting my head down now - just in case you chuck stuff at me!

    Chill out, chicken - take care!

    Love ...Moffy x

  • I don't want a medal hun, I just want to send you a hug (( :) ))

    we don't always know what causes fibro, or a flare but sometimes on here someone will suggest what helps them and I try it. it might help me or I store it for future use for me or to pass on, I never stop learning.

    Like you say, its the fight in us that keeps us going through the hard times, but sometimes it's in the quiet times, when we listen to our bodies, our minds that we recover, we learn and gather our "spoons".

    "Fear shouts. Hope whispers." I don't know who originally said it, but I often do now.

    I read this somewhere:-

    There are 2 apples on a tree, 2 hungry men are passing.

    man 1 shakes the tree, throws sticks, stones, anything to try and loosen it, after 30 minutes, tired and frustrated he storms off.

    man 2 looks up and sees the warm sun,

    slips off his jacket and rests against the tree.

    it is peaceful and he gets some much needed rest.

    the branch creeks,

    he puts out his hand and the newly ripened apple drops into it.

    he eats his apple and happily goes on his way, relaxed and refreshed.

    just thought I'd pass it on. [I find relaxing hard too]

    regards,

    sandra.

  • Fairy I havenjust been nthrunthe mill as you know because you were one of the lifelines I held onto

    What I have never told you guys is that I had 8 divisions nationwide in a security compant in a war torn country to run I had a memory

    To die for incredible logic and boundless energy

    Then fibro smashed into me i would sit and wonder what life was worth any more i cant even type straight have severe depressive times no memory and am in a wheel chair electric because i can rotate or lift my arms

    I wish i could tell you it will get even a little better but it wont it is on these days we have to accept that we are human and need crutches at times in our case the crutches are the people in this forum who have all faced days of despair and had to let masks slip

    Dont try to dissect the feeling it leads to a dark path

    Accept what you cannot change on on bad days let someone know we will give you the support you give to others and rebuild you as a person even if if we cant make you better.

    I have never met you but I love you to bits petal

  • Hi ladies

    I am sat an emotional wreck reading these extremely touching and loving replies WOW i feel so so sooo blessed to have found each and all of you !!

    I have blurry vision now for the tears!! :-)

    Make ups gone hehe .

    What on earth can i say in response to this but the biggest sky Thank you thats a whole wide world big

    I had a rough night i did something yesterday after i posted hence why i never came back on

    I had to just lay up i did not know what to complain about the most jeez we do get some punishment.

    My neck was really bothering me so i put my hands gently on the back and put head back on cushion and soon as i was coming forward again i felt so disorientated , i just could not stand long at all yesterday then to top it i was so rudely awoken with the centre of my spine the dullest ache crushing feeling round to top of tummy so i got up to take some pills and i felt really sick that i stayed on floor near loo, tops of legs heavy so i got back in bed with some water and sat up and just waited to drop off, i did then was woken 7 ish with it coming back again so pill popped again, i got up but felt so weak and not even felt like talking yet had to do wages today for girls as pay day. I not a brain to speak out loud today.

    I feel bit brighter so shall see as i was ready for a trip to emergency A&E last night, i always say ohhh it will pass .

    Anyway moan over and faded blossom i not in a wheelchair and i do see myself as blessed each day i get around although if was going seaside for day i could not do it now so i know can hire one if need be via GP and SS

    I deny that bit though.

    You are a true inspiration your self and i believe we all make eachother work each day some banter some need help, some a shoulder and i did yesterday .

    Moffy also amazing words of wisdom there very touching and each of you has touched me so deeply

    Sandra i still cannot get spoons in my head lol but love your way of thinking .

    ((((((((((((((( hugz))))))))))))) i cannot give a big enough hug to thank you and i am here wanting to 'Volunteer ' too i have Enquired a couple of times as i want to be helpful as i can to anyone as you have all inspired me on here and what i have read along the months .

    My problem is my memory lol

    Bless and i am sending healing via a friend of mine who sent some to me today i believe its helped a little so am sh sh sh sh shaaaaring now xxxx

You may also like...