Well i still dont understand any of it and dont think i want to.
What i mean by understanding is a simple why does it happen?
We all give answers to why we think but if the Dr's and Neurologists and physio's cannot answer then Who can.
Its so darn hard nowadays to be lively as much as we do try and liven it up we all know underneath theres suffering just some of us 'try' not to show it, try to keep others bright, try not to show our loved ones but ....
Today am showing the 'true' side the side thats making me sad .
I dont want hope you feel better because its not going to happen .
Todays not even pain, not depression i simply want what you all do only today i feel this way ... Well might only be this morning i may start jumping about later trying to boing on all ya beds and shout come on wakey wakey lets get some smiles going and lets play games yey .
I should feel lucky i have a glimmer of hope with having my own wrk and girls that do my job but it sure was much easier and less stressful when was just me,myself and i.
This fairy still has a chance despite my problems to build on it and expand but dont i need a clear head for thought lol organising and planning skills . They are all fading along with the physical side ,,, am holding it by throat pinning it down with gritted teeth saying dont you dare let go you got to keep going..
There is not much anyone can say really as being an Aries too am extremely usually updated, informed, on top , been there and its not nice at all .
I would rather just be much more laid back and be like ohhhh yeahhhh never heard of that ohhh reallly .
I just naturally am doopsy in many many ways
I get told i have a lot of intelligence i just dont know how to use it (now thats so true)
Because i would not be a cleaner otherwise lol i would have better words that i could use.
Technical forms of writing ie i have C3-c5 and need fusion (eg only)
My term is i got nerve compression a bad neck and my bodies b*ggerd lass
Just being honest
Now medicine i love medical things
Think am just ranting on this morning about nothing that makes any sense but thats ME !!!
So got my pj's on am off downstairs as no TV in bedroom. I been here all night why stay longer lol
Ahhh but would be cool.
So some may think (in a nice way of course ) well stuff ya no point replying haha
I can handle it am tough ... Not as had tears streaming down my face this morning just talking to my bl**dy self saying why cant you just get yourself together and stop all this and go back to wrk and have the money back ... Why not because i have and i keep trying to be knocked back down .
A friend yesterday Who had cancer recently said have i tried this that and other and try walking each day ..
Well in my job i drive a lot theres mountains of stairs each day i have tried a billion times i feel i just rubbing salt in a wound as pushing and doing is provoking it and makes it worse!!!
My trouble is the opposite i dont know how to relax!! Why dont they say that lol
My Dr actually keeps telling me to relax and that i MUST relax
Ok finished now haha apologies for Thursday rant if any one can pull me out this swamp today i give you a medal xxxxxxxx
Hope u all behaving xxxxx