Desperately seeking me !

[Kugagirl1]

I lost myself along the way !

I know who i am who i wont to b but my body an mind just wont let me .I've found out who my friends r & who r not , that has hurt a lot . I have so much , i:e my family but yet so little , i ones was a party animal an life an sole nothing was to much for my friends an family . Now my friends r all gone an my family r struggling with this as much as me . The sadest thing is the person that always helped them all an put it right an saved the day was me . Now i need saving an no one noes what to do least of all, Me !! There scared faces scares me more for just ones in my life id like someone to reach out an save me xx

Ps i lost both my parents 3 & 4 years ago an have no siblings always missed them but know i miss them evan more x

[Petra]

Hi there Kugagirl, I know how you feel and so does everyone on this site HONESTLY.True friends do not desert you.We all have a body and mind and we all know who we want to be and what we want to do, WE JUST HAVE TO ADAPT, yes we know its hard this Fibro, we look fine, so we are told but we feel awful.Some on this site have families some not but we are all part of this Family Site which is very important - day or night anytime you can write how you feel.We have to keep going, through the rough and the smooth.Yes we are being tested but thats true of life in general for everyone.We are special.I do not have any relatives alive just my husband, son, daughter and three grandchildren.I have some friends but not as many as I did have, they have different lives and thats it.I am a person that helps everyone for little or no reward but others are different.You are "saved" by sharing your deepest thoughts on this site.I am sure I will be one of many that will respond and give you support.Often it is suggested to phone The Samaritans - they will listen and do understand and are not judgemental.It may also be good to speak to your gp either in person or book a "telephone" appointment which is what our surgery does.If you need a follow up appointment then one can be made.Please do not feel you are alone.I have received support from this site recently and acted on some advice given on some health issues I have been experiencing myself.I have taken action on this advice and am awaiting some results at a doctors appointment next week.Please do not think I am lecturing you or being bossy or flippant.Take great care.We all wish you well and keep in touch, if you want with us all.We may need you one day for support we are only human and this site gives you support.Huge hugs xxxxxxxxand lots of love

[Kugagirl1 in reply to Petra]

Thanks for replying x

[summerlite]

Hello kugagirl. I'm so sorry that you feel so desperate. You sound like one of life's 'doers' and are really struggling to come to terms with the fact that you aren't able to 'do' as you used to. It's so frustrating and hard to get your thoughts around, I know as I'm a classic case of your frustration. You know what though, at last( and it has taken me an age to accept) I have found myself again. But I'm not the old me, but a new redefined version of myself. I miss my energy, but I don't miss the way I would burn through it as if I had an eternal source. I just use what energy I have to do the things I have to and leave myself some over to do with as I want. I hope you come to terms with the new you and learn to live in the present and feel less desperate. Be gentle on yourself,you're no failure, with your mental energy you still have lots to do and give. Try and look at yourself in the here and now, I have a strong feeling you could turn your desperation into passion again. Take time with it all, and keep blogging as it really does help. Best wishes and warm hugs to you kugagirl. I love your name by the way!! S x

[Kugagirl1 in reply to summerlite]

Summerlite! Thank u I've read this 3 times today, im looking forward to meating the new me , u have me realise we r all become new people through life with the verer changing world an things we go through . Ive told my Husband tonight that ive not just got my usual stuff its more , it took a lot but the cats out the bag mow telling the kids tomorrow then i can stop feeling like a winger an concentrate on geting on with it an learning to live again . Thanks again something in what u said just gave me the strength to move on an up xx Rachel xx

[Kugagirl1 in reply to Kugagirl1]

Sorry kugagirl ?? Woops

[Allpainedout]

Hello kugagirl , your storeys so similar to mine , I lost my father 16yrs ago then my mum 13yrs , I've had neck problems since a teenager I'm now 50 , but after my mum died I was exhausted as you said I'd do everything for everyone and I ran my own hairdressing salon two kids and husband my life was so full and I loved being so busey I was the organiser of the family , when I was first ill I waited for the pain to ease then after 6yrs I was diagnosed fibro never herd of it just glad they now new what it was I could get treated and get back to work !!!!!! I've had to struggle for everything I went to appeal for dla it broke me sat there having to justify why I hurt ???? I'd worked all my life never been on the dole !! Always paid full stamp and being self employed that was volentry !!! So when I went I'll I didn't expect to have to fight !!! And now with this new system I'm appealing because I should be in the support group !!!!!! They have told me they don't want to see me because I'm too ill to work but they only will give me money for 365 days its a joke !!!!

People like us have lost so much and having to fight is killing us !!! It's making us so depressed !!!

I've lost friends because they don't understand fibro you expect professionals to understand !

My mother in law who's in her 80s hates the fact I'm ill she competes with me saying I've got that and I'm old !!!! And it's so much worse when your old !!! I said to her once I would be happy to be 90 if you tock away this pain for just a week !!!!! I can't remember a day I didn't hurt its completely overwhelmed me !!!!

So why on earth aren't we getting the support from the proffesionals !!!?????

Take care out there and sorry if I've moaned too much XXXX

[Kugagirl1]

Allpainedout : u havent moaned at all u have just said what is going round in my head , ive worked since i was 14 my parent's wear big belivers in paying your way an goting on with life . Ive dun most jobs along the way has 3 business 2 mine 1 with my husband , so yes when people say well im your age an i work an its tuf . I would actualy like to scream no one i know female wise worked till all yhear kids wear in high school an the sad thing is i worked an still helped them with thear child care an my own kids .so ye we have paid our dues , an as both my parents worked an both died in early 60 i think they paid them for me aswell , my partner is 61 an his health isent grate he has to work so hard but if they dont reinstate my benafit this year we will luse our home 4 years of the end its heart braking we got this far worked ourself to this an its down to how u come across to people on the day . Ive bein turned down twice & now they tring to take my contributin based incapacity of me evan though i still have contribution's . Id give up but as most on hear i carnt aford to , so never say sorry its not moaning its expressing your feeling out loud xxx

Kugagirl ????

[Pennie1]

Hi, I completely understand what you mean about friends, I had what I thought was a brilliant friend, I know this friends sister-in-law and we happened to meet somewhere, I was told that my so called best friend called me a fake, apparently I made it all up so I didn't have to work, I know I was being told the truth as think added up and made sense over some remarks. I'm glad I was told and I know it was done in my best interest. It's really gutting when this happens but stuff them, this so called friend was ok when she came on holiday several times to my dads villa, but some you loose and some you win but it does really really hurt. We are always her for a chat, gentle hugs Judith xxx