Morn all. I feel in a funny place today, so needed to share. I say feel but dont knw what i feel agitated, irate, low, frustrated, dead inside to name a few!
Been feeling funny since stoping pregab as i exp another strabge reaction that i was not aware and gradually crept up on me. So now im just managing on tramadol and amytriptiline as nothing left in the range of so called fibro drugs to give me!
Hd big row with hubby last nite over doing the deed shall we say! He is understanding now to a degree and its not his fault. I tried to explain that it was me and i really have no desire or need to do it lk him. Should i force myself to please him? My libido to b truthful has been gone for years and it is the only area that causes rows! Sometimes yes i do feel lk it mainly when we hve been on holiday somewhere warm perhaps i feel better and my mood is lifted? But he was ranting at the age of 44 hes not prepared to live in a loveless marriage so to speak! So whats the answer did i want him to have an affair and us split up, or is he supposed to just tk it. Tried to explain the prob or issue is down to me but i cant do anything about it or can i? Do i care if he goes or if im on my own? Financially yes and the probs it wld cause. But yes ive always been independent and cld cope on my own. Do i still love him? What truly is love? Defined in many diff ways. No i dont tell him so but i come from a dysfunctinal family where emotions or love was not outwardly demonstrated. Sorry my post is a bit deep and brooding for this time of the morning lol. So what is the answer? He always tells me we need to tlk to someone my dr says its just all the crap ive gone through over the years so to spk. Wld counselling make a diff? I dont tnk so. Yes i suppose we r just going through the daily grind of just living together. Weve been married 22 yrs to say its been tough at times. But there must b something keeping us together or surely we wld have walked years ago. He is a sensitive soul and has always neede to b told or shown he was loved. I call it middle child syndrome. No i dont openly talk or share how i feel i keep my other face on majority of the time and get on wih it. Anyway i spose it will all come out in the wash. Hell get up and apologise for what he said! Etc. Or maybe not this time who knows. Even hd silly houghts last nite better if i wasnt here for them all! Wld b so easy with the meds we tk. But hey ho im stronger than that. Do i care? Should i care? Just feel physically and emotionally dead at times but no one wld know. So what is the answer my friends?
Having a real bad and fed up day!!
Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes
ESA plus STRESS equals BAD FIBRO
Raised Inflammation Markers (CRP)
Written in one of my quiet, thoughtful moments - mainly feeling alone and very lonely
