Oh help!!! Suddenly my son has turned into Harry Enfields Kevin. He is 13 going on 14. It's just me and my two at home,my daughter is 16. She is constantly glued to her laptop and my son has to be regularly prised off of his Xbox. They hardly ever speak to me! I'm feeling really down about it actually,it's really not easy. I do put rules down about the Xbox,we've just had a big talk about it in the last week,it's mainly the noise,he plays it in his bedroom but he can talk to his friends at the same time and the noise in constant. Probably in our day it was more loud music coming from our bedrooms! I guess it's just an age old problem and I'm grateful my two dont go out and cause trouble. I just feel very claustrophobic with it,I'm so sensitive to noise and to bad moods,I spend a lot of time with my headphones on listening to music. They don't really want to do things like play board games anymore and trying to get them to walk the dogs with me is a rare occurrence and I would rather walk them myself than have another argument. I do know they could be a lot lot worse as one of my friends is really going through it with her daughter. I just find it so hard battling with boundaries and petty arguments especially as my mental health isn't so good at the moment which is probably making me over sensitive and I need to get things into perspective. That's why writing these blogs helps so much as we can get our feelings out in a safe way.
Anyone else here living with teenagers?
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Teddysmum43
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Hi, I don't have teens now, but been there, done that got the t-shirt as they say. I used to be glad to mine weren't causing any trouble but teen years can be a nightmare I had three! All are over 20 now and believe me it does get better, Not much help to you now, but a bit of hope Hang in there...
Lol I am living with an autistic teenager who cannot empathise or put himself in anyone else's shoes, all he is interested in is music and food... Mine texts instead of speaking, or grunts... Like Mary I am glad he is in he house and his friends come here instead of roaming the streets, at least in the house you know they are safe... Even though my son is autistic he started not wanting to do anything with us at the same age as your son even if we get a DVD he wants to watch he watches it later alone rather than sit with us.... I too am waiting for him to emerge as vaguely human but knowing what some of his peers get up to I am thankful he's in the house as he reports daily who is pregnant or on weed and they are all 15 !!!!!
Be proud your children are in the house and you know what they are doing
VG x
I have lived with three teenagers (my three children) and came out alive! My youngest son is 19 and still prone to "Kevin" moments. Most of the time he is absolutely lovely, but it just takes one tiny thing and he's off on another planet, normally not a happy one! The facial expression I've noticed is the first thing to go and then it's his tone of voice!
I suppose I am used to it now and know that from experience with my other two children, they do grow out of it, it's normal, they can't help it. All the time they aren't disrespectful or rude to me, I tend to just let it go.
All those hormones racing round their bodies, their heads are all over the place too. They are oblivious of the noise they create and half the time they don't seem to be on this planet at all!
As long as your children treat you properly TM, are respectful to you and not swearing all over the place, try to grit your teeth. They will soon come out the other side and grow out of it. You will come out the other side too, unscathed.
When it's really getting on your nerves absorb yourself in your music or anything else that interests you to take your mind off it.
Regarding walking the dogs, I don't know of any 14 and 16 year old teenagers who would want to walk the dogs with their mother, that's quite normal in my opinion. It's sad, but it's a fact of life that during teenage years we are an embarrassment to them. I remember my eldest son couldn't bear to be seen in the street with me, now he offers to walk with me lol!
Try not to let it worry you TM, it's all perfectly normal and one day when they're all grown up and have flown the nest, you will long for the noise they used to make and do anything for an XBox moment. Trust me, I've been there! I would do anything to have my three back at that stage all under my roof.
Yes you're all right and I often say how grateful I am that I know where they are. Also when they are away at heir dads I miss them like mad!!! Am never happy am I. Lol. Sometimes though just sometimes I need to get it off my chest,I think it's mixed up with my anxiety and my huge sensitivity to noise. Oh I don't know maybe I need to chill a bt more,perhaps they find it hard to live with me!! Actually yes that probably right ha ha ha,it works both ways eh?xxx
You're right it does work both ways TM. Stress and anxiety are going to make anything difficult to handle at times, but honestly your teenagers sound great to me, just normal kids at their ages. Give them a bit more time and it will all get easier. I am sure they will turn out just fine! xxx
yes,I have 2 boys of 17 and nearly 20.They have their computers in their rooms and they are really loud.I chose a simple solution and got them some headphones.That way if they want to damage their ear drums it will only be theirs that get damaged!
Ugh! Teenagers. They should give all parents a sleeping pill that puts us to sleep until the teenage years have passed. Let the little (big) horrors get on with it by themselves. Lol! Although they can be a challenge, it's lovely when they do something unexpected and nice. Give you a hug when you aren't expecting one that sort of thing. It's strange how they lose the art of speaking and revert to grunts......unless they need money of course. My son (30) can do a great Kevin impression......makes me crease up. So you will survive.....just!
I do notice when my two are on school holidays they become almost human again,especially my son as he doesn't have to act the big man in order to survive in his school life. Sad but true. Now I'm realising what my mum went through with me lol,I thought I was an angel but she thought otherwise lol.
I can sympathise about the noise, even if my son had earphones on, the sound of his (rather loud) computer keyboard clacking away when I was trying to get to sleep, would drive me to distraction! I survived by buying a pillow with a speaker inside so I could drown out his activities with noises of my own choosing - I find audiobooks very relaxing.
It's his shouting that gets me in a spin,with Xbox connect he can talk to all his friends,headphones wouldn't make a difference I would still hear him shouting even with his bedroom door shut. They get so into these games the only thing I can do is limit his time on the damn thing,. I wear headphones myself to try and drown out the noise but I find I get disorientated with them on, I can't win!!! I think ear muffs might be my next plan of action.
While my two teens have their moments (and some are corkers ) , I can honestly say they help me massively . My son refers to my bad days as "myalgia meltdowns" and the both help with chores and making me smile when all I want to do is cry . I am very blessed.
Hi teddysmum I have a teenager at home and a 12 yr old who thinks he’s a teenager and a couple of babies too. I listened to a book on audible by Adele Faber called “How to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk”. It REALLY helped me learn how to talk to them and get them to do what I need them to do.
Step one is always listen to them first. Indentify their feelings “you seem upset if I ask you to be quiet while talking to you friends online”. Then listen to them and respond with a few mmmm’s and uh huhs. Then when they feel really listened to, you can state your feelings. “I can’t relax when there is so much noise”.
Then suggest you work through the problem together to find a solution.
Put all suggestions down even the ludicrous ones:
soundproof the room? Ok let’s write it down.
Turn mum into a robot who doesn’t need rest and can keep going forever? Ok let’s write it down.
When you all reach a solution that is suitable for everyone. Give it a trial period say 2 weeks. Then arrange to meet up at the end of the trial period to see if it worked.
If it didn’t work and he was still being noisy, then I would calmly state that “I need rest tonight so the Xbox can’t go on”. If he promises to be quiet, simply say “I need rest tonight, we can talk about tomorrow”. There is no blame here. You are stating what you need and going about it in a respectful manner.
This way you aren’t not dictating from the outset “you cannot play the Xbox, you’re too loud, it’s disrespectful!”. You are involving him in the discussion and making him aware that his actions have an effect on you and he cannot simply look out for his own needs and that doesn’t work and will not continue.
I’m not as good at describing the techniques as the author but I find it really does work. It doesn’t put them on the defensive, it makes them think about their actions and the consequences of them without feeling blamed. I feel my son has responded to this the best. Good luck!!!
Also please know children’s brains are rewiring themselves and they really do think the world revolves around them. Again... good luck!!
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