What a mood lifter the sunshine truly is. I am feeling a lot happier than I have in ages. I want to wear brighter colours and I have been thinking much more about how i want to feel happier.
It may be in part due to the lunch date with my friend who I had 'disconnected' with because of being so ill with the fibro and not knowing what my diagnosis was. I had put my life on hold waiting to get better so I could get back to being 'normal' again. I am still going through the ups and downs of accepting fibro and my life as it is.
From previous blogs, people shared the same frustration of making others understand what is wrong with you, and why you don't go out etc. etc. I worry that people think me a shirker and am just being lazy. Whilst trying to 'convince' my friend of my many complicated issues, she stopped me and said that I shouldn't try to 'excuse' myself for being the person I am, . . it isn't about the illness, or its many irritating things it does .... but that she loved the person I am, and therefore just accepted that things have changed for me, but didn't need to know too much detail about why they have changed, it is the effect on me that is important, and not the details that we need because we are the 'expert'... She said, people who are not affected by the detail, are never going to understand it - so stop trying! She is of course quite right - I think it is a part of convincing myself that it is okay to be the way I am. To stop longing for the life I had, because everyone's life changes and by constantly wanting to be that person and do what I once did, I am stopping myself from looking to the future - the future is just as bright, but it has a different look to the future I once imagined. Because of looking back all the time, I realised that I don't look to the future any more, and I am just living or existing day to day without goals and ambitions. I don't need to given up on having ambitions because of fibro, I just need to think about the future in context, modified perhaps but not giving up entirely.
In talking to her, I remembered that my goal for my 50th (4 years away) when it will be my daughters 18th year too - we would be going on a trip to the Galapagos Islands - it has been in my mind for so many years that this would be a trip of a lifetime - there is no reason why I can't focus on this goal and work towards it successfully. It feels like a release to have lifted the bar I had put on myself from having goals, because I want to be what I was, and spent my time regretting the things I once did won't happen any more. But, looking back, there are many things that life throws at us and changes the way we live our lives. Having a child has to be the NUMBER ONE change - and yet I didn't worry so much about leaving the childless life behind. Having a child has its ups and downs - but you can't go back. Having fibro is a new 'child' in my life, and I will manage that 'child' and accept the changes that it brings adjusting my goals and life ambitions - because my friend reminded me - I AM STILL ME - AND NOT FMS!!!!
Suzy - finding bits of sparkle!!! *{}*
FMS Diagnosis, Can you help me please.
Adequate Pain Relief! What a difference!!!!!!!!!!
#fibroawarenessday - If FIBRO is Invisible - What does that make me?
What's the difference? 
Difference between fibro and ME?
