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Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Driven to suicide attempt.

Last monday I took a massive overdose as I couldnt take living with fibro anymore. Im a single parent and have never seriously tried to kill myself before because of him. The doctors believe (as I do) that I had a reaction to the antibiotics Im on for peunmonia that I totally lost all reason and soundness of judgment. Having suffered with depression nearly all my life I am generally good at asking for help when things are bad.. Luckily I texted a friend in blackout to ask her to not let my son find my body and she got the police to smash the door in. Charing X hospital treated me appalling, discharging me at 2.30am with no money, phone or shoes. Nobody understands the prison of fibro except for another sufferer. Ive decided to go inpatient treatment in USA and use up my life savings because one of my last thoughts before I fell unconscious was thank god I will be released from the hell of this disease. I truely believed in that moment my son would be better off without me. I have had fibro for over 20 years only diagnosed 2 years ago after repeatedly told its all in my head. Im so grateful there are sites like this where people understand. Thank you everyone who is posting I relate to it all. H.

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Hi H

I am so very sorry for the deep dispair you are feeling right now, but as you say we sufferers know and understand the pain, isolation, etc;

I don't know what organisations there are around you , but wonder if you have a pain management unit? They are really helpful also a disability charity should be able to support you and your son.

Perhaps when you get back on your feet you can look into respite care either from family,friends or social services.

Please dont feel that your son will be better off with out you no matter how desperate you feel. your son will always be wondering what he did wrong that made you leave him to grow up alone. I dont want to make you feel worse that is the last thing i wish to do.

I understand how much pain you are in, how difficult the depression is and how tuff it is to get through each day.

As you have found you are not alone and you do have a medical condition that although not cureable it can be managed, learning to pace yourself, rest during the day, and find a doctor who will listen to you and support you through all this. Perhaps you can ask through this sight if anyone knows of a good practise near to you that you can register with.

And please ask for help or an ear to listen to you on here - a trouble shared is a trouble halfed so they say-

i always feel better for geting things off my chest.

you can always message me on here if you wish to converse more ptivately but remember you are not alone and you do have a future that may be slower but a good future that you can control to get the best for you and your son

Wishing you a peaceful mind , an ease of heart and gentle hugs

poppy xxx

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Thanks Poppy, yes Im under a private pain clinic and am pretty maxed out on pain relief (and money!) after the NHS pain clinic messed up my care v badly. I do have a nice doctor now having had horrid ones in the past who is helping very much thanks for taking the time to message me H x

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i am so sorry and sending you big hugs and loves xxx

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Hi HB, I no just how you feel its as thow I had writin that myself. As I'm getting older I seam to be getting more depressed about Fibro because something else starts to hurt and things get harder to do because also I'm tired all the time- I'm am so glad your friend phoned the police and you haven't left your son with out his mum. I hope you do get the right help please take care. Thinking of you. Margaret xx

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Hello HB, I was so sorry to read your post, you are right FIbro is like a Prison Sentence. Are you definitley going to the USA?

Soft Hugs,

Sue x x x x

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Im looking into, there's a few clinics that treat fibro and depression one in Utah called Bridge to recovery or Cottonwood but I cant do anything till the summer holidays as i work part time during school time when Im well enough, thanks for your message H x

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Hi i am so sorry that you felt you had to do that bless you but so glad you had the sense to getb in touch wtih a friend which tells me you did not really want to do it you are just crying out for help and your gp and friends /family really should help get your meds sorted and a counsellor etc you need to be arounfd for your son no matter how bad you feel that little boy needs his mum and you need to be there for him too so please get all the help you need and just think of that little boy and how you would make him feel if you done that he weould have to live with that guilt forever and thats horrible my daughters best friends they are twins there dad took his life last junwe they are 23 and they are still trying to come to terms with it he left them all leyters but the devastation he has left behind is unreal so please do what ever it ttakes to get back on track and hopefully you will get the help you neeed you can always come on here love to you diddle x

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I hope you can find a way to have fun and happiness again, I have no room to talk but I hope you find a way through this as life has so much to offer and we all deserve some quality of life, I feel that if those around us including the "officials" believed our quality of life would increase, just been shown some respect and sympathy would help a lot. I'm with MIND in my local area ... see if you have one near you, they might run groups and may even have a volunteer who will take you, as difficult as it is been around people who wont judge is worth the effort. My daughter has just turned 11 and has been registered with Young cares.

I wish you all the best, you matter to us, go out and get support where you can it really helps

xx

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Thanks I will definitely look into young carers x

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The Carers Trust should be able to help your son or put you in touch with people who can help:

carers.org/

If you have a Carers Centre near you, then they can provide a lot of information & support.

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Hello HB, I am so sorry you feel so low at the moment, it was heartbreaking to read your message. We are all here for you and for each other, and we will always listen and try to help and support you. Your son won't be better off without you because he will have the pain of losing you, he needs you and he loves you. The mere thought of flying to the USA would be too much for most people with the uncertainty that it will actually be of benefit to you. I would strongly advise you to speak to your GP over here as soon as you can just for a chat to say how you feel and that your Fibro is not being managed at all well at the moment and that you need help and support. Perhaps you need your medications revised to help not only with your Fibro but with your depression too. If your pain isn't being managed well this can make you feel really poorly and fed-up, have you considered being referred by your GP to a Pain Clinic?!

There is help out there HB, sometimes it just takes a bit of looking for, but it is out there. The first port of call is usually our GP and then by pushing for referrals. I think many of us have had to bang on a few doors to get our plight heard and to get some results, I know I have. It is possible to regain a good quality of life, have our pain and fatigue managed. We have to find different interests sometimes but these interests can be just as fulfilling as something more energetic. We can still enjoy our children and their children too. By learning to pace ourselves on our better days, it's also possible to get sufficient rest so we can manage some form of rewarding activity. Ask your GP if there is a CFS Clinic near your home, this is where I went for Pacing Therapy, it really is a great thing to learn and now I subconsciously can pace myself, knowing my limits and when I need to rest. There is no more collapsing exhausted! I hope you get in touch with your GP HB, in a short space of time you could feel a whole lot better and more able to cope. In the mean time if ever you want to chat privately, please feel free to message me any time, a trouble shared etc., happy to try to help and support you. Gentle hugs to you! Take care and give your son a hug too, I am sure he needs it as much as you do, bless you! :) :)

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Ive been treated by professionals for over two years now, seen supposedly the top specialist in England Dr Jenner at the london pain clinic, its given me some respite, I also see a psychiatrist privately its all costing so much money and it feels like English doctors are so far behind the states in terms of treating a patient holistically with fibro rather than just pumping them full of drugs. Thanks lots for taking the time to message me Hx

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HB, feel free to email me via info@fibroaction.org and, if you want, we could have a chat and see whether there are other treatment options for you. There is a lot that we can do for ourselves - it would be nice to have a full healthcare team that supports us all the way, but without access to that, much of the non-medication treatments can either be done or sourced ourselves.

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It depends entirely on who you see I think HB, I have a wonderful GP, but had to stop seeing my Rheumatologist and apply to see another Consultant as I didn't think he was taking me seriously. Now I have a great Consultant too! Sometimes we have to shop around, if we don't think we are getting the right care and support, medications etc., then try to get a second opinion. We are entitled to this. Some doctors and Consultants seem very blinkered but there are medical professionals in England/UK who are sympathetic of Fibromyalgia. If you have other conditions such as depression then obviously these conditions have to be treated alongside and sympathetically in their own right. You mention the USA and their treatments and also that you have seen a top specialist in England, so I'm a bit confused as to where you are living and there are no details on your forum profile. It would be nice if you could write a little on there so we can learn more about you. Sometimes it's hard to reply when we don't know where our members are as some treatments etc are dependent on locations. Hope that makes sense. It just seems a little extreme to have to go abroad for treatment etc when it can be given here effectively. :) :)

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Hi hb.

First of all iam.sorry to hear that you feel so down at the moment, but there are organizations out there to talk to as remember your son thinks your his whole world.

At our fibro meeting we had a guest speaker called Dr.perrin (do a Google or YouTube him) and his work is showing very good results only wish I had the money to see him myself , anyway he goes all over the world training people on his technics so look at him before uss.

Andrew

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HB - my thoughts are with you - as a single parent too, I know that you must have felt so desperate to have taken the overdose. It is difficult to keep going when you feel that you are not being taken seriously. As you said - at least people who blog here really do understand and appreciate your sentiments. hugs *{}* Suzy xx

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im so sorry to hear it all got to you as bad as that dont try it again i know how life can be very cruel at times but you obviously have a beautifull little one who is loving you whatever you are cause your his mum , you need to keep the fight up and try to focus on whatever is good in your life i.e your little one , i do know what its like to be driven to suicide as i tried for different reasons a couple of years ago. life is pretty precious and you do as they say get only one chance try to live it ! lots of hugs to you sweetpea and i send a wish to you for something nice to happen and make life a little happier xxxx

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your not alone hunni i too have thought of ending the pain when i have bad days but i think of my girls and my grandchildren and think well maybe i cant do much but they love me as im sure your son does you,as we all know fibro isnt a nice thing for us to have and there was so many that used ot say its in your head and i think that makes it worse as we look ok on the outside but not on the in,but the word is getting out ans more and more people are understanding it now,hear on this site you have fellow friends so if you ever get that low again remember someone always hear fibro hugs n love for you xxxx

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I would just like to send you a BIG HUG. All the best

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My hands and arms stretch out to you. I attempted it in 2007. I know days are dark (and for me they still are) and the ease to take tablets are always there but talk to us on here first before you do anything please. x Sue

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oh dear,, keep safe hun xx

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oh HB I so feel for you. I was almost at that stage yesterday, when yet another crisis over my increased weight and pain made me think I was good to neither man nor beast. My (very supportive) partner very nearly dialled 999 in a panic, not quite believing me in my drunken state that I hadn't taken an overdose when taking my usual evening cocktail of pills.

the good news is that we are both still here today.

please remember that your son needs you and you are everything to him. He'd far rather have a loving mum with limited mobility than no mum at all.

you have friends here and always a willing ear to listen, to get you over the emotional hump and ease the crisis. please let the volunteers here help you to find some company and like-minded real life people. although not all of us have children to worry about, we can understand your pain and depression.

am appalled for you that you were left to fend for yourself after being summarily released from hospital, but I'm very glad your friend was able to summon help for you.

sending you huge hugs xx

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Oh H hunny,you won`t get any better treatment in the states.You just have to go onto one of thier forums to see that.

Don`t you think if they had a cure we would all know about it.

I`m disgusted with Charing cross,not just for sending you home in that state,but for not getting you to see someone from phyc.

I once did the same as you and put myself in a coma for 4 days and phyciatric hospital for 3 months.And that was down to constant spinal pain,I didn`t know this bugger fibro was round the corner.

I had no one who would miss me much,but you do Darling a son who relise on you for everything.And I know that can be a burden,but I hope you have family and friends who can help.

Please ask for counciling or any help you can get.And remember we are all here for you.If not in person then in spirit.

Much love and hugs to you sweetheart Butterfly xxxxx

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Hello H, I too am very sorry to hear that you went through so much to get to the point of wanting to end it, in a serious way. I feel you honey.. really do. I feel like i've been fighting suicide for most of my life, on top of the firbo and other chronic things i have. I'm so glad you were found and are still here today. Your son will be very happy that you are too. This confounded illness is overwhelming. Most of us need to be part of a group or have the benefit of being able to come here or other sites to talk or vent or both. The understanding is true. I hope that you will continue to fight this thing and not let it take you honey. Always know that you are one of many who know your pain and struggle okay. Remember to use this site, I know it helps me to see how other's are struggling just like me, so it gives me a sense of 'i'm not crazy'. Much Love to you and your son H. xoxoxoxox

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i am sooooo sory hunny all of above and sending love and soft hugs to you

take care of your self as much as you can

all my love to you from me kathxxx

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how are you feeling today H?

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So sorry that this awful disease took you to that level, it must have been awful for you and the hospital sounds like they should have there 'behinds slapped' the way they treated you!

But I hope for you and your son the treatment in America will work.

With all the best for the future

Sharon xx

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You certainly have a lot of support here which is great. Suicide is so sad..I lost my favourite aunt to it and nan.....can't think of anything else to say xx

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