how do your partners cope with what you have mine can be very good but at times i think he gets fed up when i go for days not being able to do house work and i know he also worries alot especially now ive started falling over for no reason
partners: how do your partners cope... - Fibromyalgia Acti...
partners
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sarah-d
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Hi Sarah-d, my partner lives 145 miles away so we don't see each other much, he stays for a week usually every two weeks roughly. I don't think he understands it really, when he had an ache once he said to me "I think I might have a bit of what you've got" lol And during an argument when I mentioned that I don't always feel well he told me to "man up". So not very supportive. He does come to my appointments with me so he can't use the excuse that he doesn't know all about it. He's very selfish really. I don't tend to talk about my fibro much when he's around. x
you can always talk to me hun
my mum is that way she dont like to think of it as more than just a ache here and there so i dont talk to her about it so even tho it not may hubby i understand what you mean
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Hello ladies,
I have to say that my partner is very good, he also has medical issues & is a naturally a compassionate person. However, even he gets frustrated occasionally because he has to do more than his fair share of the household duties. I guess it goes with the territory that they are going to get fed up at times, I am sure that we would if it were the other way around.
I do feel though that he has to put up with an aweful lot from me, he must think the world of me to put up with so much cr*p I dish out sometimes out o sheer frustration at not being the person I once was, He is my second partner, I am divorcee after a 20yr marriage, but have been living with my partner now for going on 11yrs. I can honestly say that the Fibro has made us best friends, because any bedroom intimacies have not taken place for going on 4yrs now ... My fault, not his, I feel so sad for him, I know that he misses it, yet he still loves me. I, couldn't really care if I never experienced sex again I really am happy without it.
Sorry, if this post has gone to intimate for any of you.
Jane x
jane im totally the oppersite to you i want the sex but he is to scared of hurting me now i have got worse i tell him he cant make me any worse as the pain can get un bearable without sex and i always make sure im having a good day before i suggest it
Crumbs, well done Sarah. Can you bottle some of your libido & send it my way please 
id love to if i could lol ive always been the same i will suffer the pain cos i do get sore and i always suffer day after but at least i enjoyed it while it happened
Hi Jane, my partner is the same about sex - he wants it, but I'm scared of getting into a lot of pain. So we talked about it and have come up with positions that don't cause me pain. (Well not too much anyway!) I also understand what you mean about not bothering too. Had that with my late husband as he didn't understand how I was feeling.
As long as you're happy as you are, thats whats important. x
that is so true we do it on our side which helps alot sorry if to much info lol im just want to help by suggesting ways that may not hurt as much
My partner is incredibly supportive now but it wasn't always so. When i first became ill, no-one could tell me what was wrong. Doctors found nothing, so he felt there was nothing wrong and i was just being lazy. When i lost my job because i got to ill to do it he said i did it on purpose because i didnt like my job. I did like my job, i didnt like my office but i didnt intentionally give it up but to him he couldnt see why i wasnt well enough to do it. Like Jane our sex life became nearly non existent because of pain and tiredness so he thought maybe i was cheating on him. I am 25 and younger then so i can understand, our sex life shouldn't have been a chore, but it was. When i was diagnosed he told me he felt so guilty. He says the worst thing about FM is that you cant see anything wrong. It does make it hard to understand and i appreciate that but now he is truly amazing. He pays for me to try anything i want that i think may help, including my chiropractor bills and expensive supplements. He just wants me to feel well. He asks me every day how i am and spends a lot of time researching the condition himself. He comes to appointments and even attended a pain management therapy session to better understand what i am going through. I honestly couldnt go through this without him. I know he will never fully understand it unless he had it himself, which i hope never happens, but he tries so hard to do so and i know i am incredibly lucky.
I will however say that he is probably one of the only people who does understand. My family really dont and really dont bother to. My mum just says get on with it. My dad says there is nothing wrong with me and my nan, who never gets ill always has a few choice comments when i am about. They all make comments about my 'pharmacy' and apparently they are all doctors who know best and i really shouldn't be taking that many medicines! Some people can be incredibly ignorant. I am the butt of jokes and snide remarks in my family.
Oh thats so sad that your family pick fun or don't try to make allowances. I too walk with a stick, my sons (4 all dads now) do try to understand, they know that I am ill & can't do as much anymore, but I do see thier eyes glaze over if I try to explain in in any great depth 
Sex? What's that then? It's been SO long I'm amazed my darling, wonderful, patient and compassionate hubs stays with me!....bless him. God! I miss it!..My hubs is a huge guy (6'2)...very big boned and, bless him, not the most gentle when it come to rumpy-pumpy..so..and I hate to say this..because I love him with ALL my heart...just the thought frightens me. But the main issue is..I just don't feel like it!!! I loved sex when I was younger and before the dreaded Fybro showed-up in my life. My hubs has even tried buying all the toys my heart could desire..but they're still there, in their boxes..with no desire on my part to get them out. We went to the docs and I asked my my labido died? His answer? Well when one is in chronic pain..it's one of the first things to go! BTW, I've had fybro for about 15 years!!! Ya'know, even a cuddle can be torture. I can guess it's one of the biggest problems for those of us in loving relationships. I am blessed though. Because I have an angel for a hubby. He does everything for me...when I'm not up to it. Cooks, cleans, irons, feeds me ( even after a 12 hour shift) and at times, he's even had to wipe my bum when I can't turn to help myself. With Fybro..there is and has to be no shame -right? God Bless all those wonderful people out there who put-up with us..without complaint. So, Sarah-d, I can't tell you how I feel for you!....really do. If ever you wanna talk or just off-load...please feel free to inbox me. *loving and gentle hugs*
PS: I always try to keep my sense of humour..otherwise, I think I'd want to curl-up, go to sleep and never wake up. So, hope none of what I've said offends? It's not and never will be my intent to offend...just have a wee bit of a giggle over a terrible situation.
*hugs all round* :))
Always good to keep an sense of humour! xx hugs xx
in reply to Oceandeep
well i am not the only one then !!!!!!!!!! i am 46 my partner is 54 we dont live together but he used tio stay weekends last time he stayed was new years eve but last time we were as one if thats a nice way to put it was about 3 days after xmas he is like your partner brilliant never moans or says anything so i am lucky there but its not the point is it i may show him this blog bless him so he knows he is not alone and now i know i am not either, we must be very lucky some blokes and women if man has fibro would be off after few weeks wouldnt they so we must consider ourselves lucky love to you diddle x
Bless you Ocean for being so open & frank, I am like you & enjoys a sense of humour too.
I also believe that because our loving partners, hubbies, wives & lovers become our carers, it is hard on both sides to enjoy the intimicies we did before Fibro.
mines can sometimes be great other times he doesnt understand, hes used to the well me doing everything, tough he ll just have to get used to this no, I dont drink I find it very hard to go out hopefully wheelchair will help after 38 yrs together I need him no to get to grips with this
Hello everyone,
I thought it was just me with intimate problems, it is so good to know i am not the only one.
I really have no labido, which is strange as i was always up for it more than my partner was.
I just cant stand the thought of going to bed and doing anything else but sleep. 
Also the last time it happened i woke up feeling like i had been ran over by a train it was awful.
Also my weight isnt helping the situation, as i have put weight on and wont even get undressed in front of him.
Sometimes he is good about my conditions and other times he isnt, but i get worked up and take things to heart all the time when i know he isnt actually meaning it the way i am taking it. (sorry hope you get what i mean lol.
Thankyou everyone.
kel xxx
i totally understand what you mean i always take things the wrong way i am so parinoyed to sorry cant spell lol it drives me mad never mind him but he understand im alwasy thinking he is going to leave me or even that he should leave me cos he deserves better but he sticks by me all the time
Thanks for understanding it lol.
I have been with my partner 15 years this year, we have been through so much together, so i would be hurt if he did go, but he doesnt complain so far bless him, as we are still young, im 31 and hes 35 (even though i feel 90), i am hoping my labido will come back soon, fingers crossed.
kel xxx
in reply to jazher
Kel, Im the same some times hes great other times hes a right B *****this illness nearly wrecked my marriage last year, its not great now but its better, as for wanting sex, great but can I have 10hrs sleep first, not ache so much, feel sexy Ive put on 3stone,we always had a great sex life, its hard now to have the energy to do anything
Oh you are so not alone ... hang in there we will all get through this together x
My hubby is amazing and I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He is only 25 (today actually) and I am 34. When he met me he took on a divorced woman and 2 kids. Then I had to tell him about all my problems and he decided to stay with me.
Now he has the main jobs around the house as I am unable to do most things. I try every now and again like putting washing on and showering our daughter but it only results in me being in pain so he tends to tell me to stop and he does it.
He looks after me, our children (2 stepkids and our own baby) and the house.
For a young guy he is also really understanding about my not really wanting sex now. Obviously when the feeling does strike he takes full advantage but never pressures me and I love that about him.
As my mum says, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.
The one thing I'm good at is talking 'everything' through. I'm a very open person ( you may have gathered that from my previous posts..lol)...talking IS key. No-one knows our pain..I don;t even know what 'your' pain is like, as we're all different. Good luck ladies..and if anyone want's to talk 'intimate problems in private...feel free to inbox me. But I'm just as happy to start a thread/question about the whole sex thang....I do believe it can be one of the worst problems for us fybro's *gentle hugs all round*
in reply to Oceandeep
Thanks Oceandeep, i agree, talking is key and great to know there are peeps out there to talk to x x
My hubby has hes moments, don't we all. 90% of the time, he is really caring, (he is a real blokes bloke and not at all mushy) His "you ok, Babe", is about all i get. But he shows it other ways, jobs around the house, works all the hours god sends and his fab sense of humour.
I am off work and only receiving SSP, I worry i am not contributing and there's not much left for lifes little luxzurys. However he is always like "whats mine is your babe, getting you back on your feet is all that matters" So the support is there and he really tries to understand.
Then there is the other days, where as much as i get fed up with having fibro and other medical problems, so does he.
He struggles to cope with and understand the fatigue, and the ways it effects me. After hes had a 10hr shift and i say ooh i am exhausted or i could'nt face the supermarket. I get that look "Are you taking the ........" with "you haven't done anything" which of course gets my back up, but i have to understand, sometimes his patience runs thin. As someone above said what if we were in our partners shoes ?
So we have our ups and downs, in all areas of our relationship. Fibro can effect all aspects, the pain and fatigue kicks in and everything else, takes a back seat.
My mum said to me when i was in my late teens, going through my bad boys faze. "The most important, thing is to be best friends with your partner" As any teenage girl would, i would think, Whatever!!
But 15 years later, i now know she was right, We are there for each other through good and bad times. We both have our moments who doesn't ?
Lou x
Jules my love you deserve all the love in the world,your an amazing woman,my hubby was an arse last year wouldnt stop drinking feeling sorry for himself, when I found 2 prositutes numbers on his phone I was phyically sick, silly sod had no credit so never got through,but I was and still Im devasted, he was my rock through everything, not just my hubby but my best friend and I lost him I still dont think I got that back, I stayed with him on my terms hopefully things will improve
Hi All
I divorced my hubby after being married 17 years and together for 20 years, he wasn't supportive at all, he thought it was all In my head and I was being lazy, he spent most of his time in the pub or following man united all over the country, he left me on my own all the time to look after our 2 children, I worked full time, I did all the housework, garden, decorating, shopping, until it all got too much for me and I couldnt keep up anymore, our son had mental health problems (Tourrette Syndrome, O.C.D. and A.D.H.D) I had to deal with this alone as my ex-hubby was never home and out living a single mans life, eventually I had enough and gave him the single life he wanted best thing I ever did, since then I met a wonderful Man he's 6ft 4 (i'm 5ft 1) lol hes an ex royal marine with a 56 inch chest lol, he's so good to me, he understands my illness, very caring, supportive and helps me with housework even though he works 60 hours a week, Ive never been happier
Irene x
im happy to say my hubby is fantastic, hes caring, understanding and very supportive (yes i know im very lucky).im the one who feels bad lol for feeling ive put him through hell lol.
i feel the same when my hubby has to dress me i say to him why do you want to live like this its not a life for you to look after me he says cos im all he wants the bad and the good comes with me lol
I am also very lucky to have a fantastic partner, he's careing, thoughtfull understanding, he does everything for me,as i am in a wheelchair and just can not do anything,he does all of the housework,cooking shopping, washing, ironing,and also bathing me washing my hair dressing me ect,he is my carer 24/7 and were together day in day out, yet he never moans, i am his princess as he calls me and he always puts me and my needs first,even though some days i get frustrated with everything,and the pain gets to me and i take it out on him, we do still have a sex life,although it is painfull sometimes,we find other ways for both of us,but the next day or two i do pay for it, but it is worth it lol I really dont no what i would do without him and just dont like to even think of life without him, we are soulmates xxx
Let's hear it for the wonderful men in our lives!!! *standing ovation* ....er....well most. It gladdens my heart to know that there are so many good folks out there that have to go through all this with us. ( I say folks, because I also know men with Fybro who have wives that are just as amazing)
Thanks Jules xxx
I love sex and so does my partner, but these days its a bit less often than it used to be, as its so difficult/sore....although my partner is amazing and doesnt put any preassure on me I feel like im a total let down in the bedroom at the moment...our sex used to be on fire, was so hot and passionate but just now i feel like im performing like an 80yr old lol and although i have voiced this to my partner, he says its ok baby, your still hot, i love u no matter what etc etc etc i just wanna be able to do things the way i used to!! Much frustration x
I have a partner who is very supportive in day to day life. He cooks, cleans, washes my hair, dries me, helps me in and out of the bath, cuts my toe nails generally does all the things I cannot do for myself.
He picks me up when I fall over, pulls me out of the black hole when I am depressed and doesn't care about the fact we haven't had full sex in 5 years.
The only problem he has is coping with my memory loss! The dreaded fibro fog. How many of you have this? I have it pretty bad, to the extent I forget in seconds what has been said by someone to me or by me to them! This drives my partner crazy.
I also am so forgetfull, he could tell me somethink and seconds later i have forgotten what he said or told me, my fibro fog is also bad, i also have taken the wrong tablets before, i have swallowed tablets that was meant to go in my inhaler on a number of occations, but my partner gives me my tablets 1 at a time and watches me take them now
If there angels on earth, my partner would be one. She has the patience and love and knowledge. She has a few issies and we support each other and also my kids, 17 year old and 9 year old. god bless them all as they help me and put up with my moaning, they call me victor emldrew now, my pain makes me have zero patience now but tis all in jest, our home is filled with love and i try and keep the worst of the illness from my children by going to bed when its not bearable.
maddy ( Andrew)
I am sorry to read your story Jules, I am lucky to have the loving partner & I know that so try not to take him for granted.
I know exactly what you mean about not allowing anyone to hurt you like that again though, I married my childhood sweetheart, we were married for 20 blissful years & fathered my 4 sons ... Then a younger woman came along in the guise of my best friend & between them wrenched my heart out. He isn't with her anymore, once he paid off her depts, she moved on to her next victim.
My Ex & myself are now on friendly terms again & we are both settled with new partners, but as much as I love the guy I am with now, there is always that partial 'anti hurt' barrier there, just in case xx
Andrew. Sorry to hear that you're one of us. I am grateful that you have such a wonderfully supporting family. I also know it's hard not to want to moan and go-on all the time..but with kids....you should educate them about Fybromyalgia. There is plenty on the web about it..it's causes, symptoms etc. When we teach children ( young adults) about such diseases and illnesses, we are preparing and also showing then how to deal with not just your immediate family ( and you) but also setting them-up to become compassionate human beings.. *gentle hugs*
~Ocean. x
i never liked sex before i was diagnosed but now have a worse understanding because guys dont understand my illness, they just ask, can u still have sex? i wish to goodness i could meet someone who would love me for myself but its not likely to happen, glad lots of u have good partners but how do i find one now??
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