Tell me about it: I moved to this... - Fibromyalgia Acti...

Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Tell me about it

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I moved to this apartment a week ago after my husband and I divorced. We stayed together until we sold our house and the ‘Goodbyes’ were heartbreaking. My husband wanted back the woman he married only seven years ago before two cancers followed by fibro and cfs wrecked our lives.

He looked after me so well when breast cancer was diagnosed just days after our wedding. Then just six months later he did the same when I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

I recovered so well from both cancers and we moved house for a new start. Out of the blue fibro appeared and he found it so hard to accept this ‘hidden’ condition. Our relationship deteriorated and the rest is history.

My husband did all our packing and my family moved me into this luxury apartment. My husband rings me daily to see how I am. I have pushed myself beyond the pain and fatigue barriers to do my little bit to try to help.

This morning I called my lovely sister to thank her for her help. She was decorating her Christmas tree, looking after her grandchildren, making mince pies, wrapping gifts.

She asked me how I was. I told her I was exhausted.

‘Tell me about it!’ she said. ‘’I’m tired too. There’s so much to do”.

After I rang off I began to cry and I haven’t stopped since. I feel as though I’ve been run over and someone is standing on my chest to stop me from getting up.

I just wish that I felt like my dear sister. Tired but still able to do those lovely Christmassy things. I’m too tired to eat a mince pie, let alone make one.

When I had cancer, my husband and family tried to stop me doing things when I was quite well able to do them. They told me I had to rest.

The curse of invisible illness is the lack of insight and understanding. It’s worse than the fibro itself. In some perverse way I preferred the cancer. At least the end was in sight, whatever that end might be.

Forgive my self pity. I just can’t find my positive pants today.

19 Replies
oldestnewest

No self pity in you ,so sad what you have been through and too come out the other end like you have is unbelievable.My poor daughter has fibromyalgia and cares forme I have a terminally illness I see the pain in her face and see her cringe when people want too hug her because the pain is so bad Yes it’s the silent illness one consultant told her it was in her head .

I hope you feel better for writing your post

Take care

Dorothy

Hey Grincho,

I’m so touched by your message and don’t know what to say, so I want to send you a big hug 🤗

Take care.

Jan xx

I’m so sorry Fibromyalgia has wrecked your life and your marriage, that’s so sad. I would imagine you are grieving for the old you, and feeling misunderstood. Sending you love x

Like Jan, I really have no useful words to respond to your post so I send you my good wishes and a gentle hug

Self pity is allowed but that will pass, I promise, but your post is not one of self pity, it is your current position and feelings. You have been remarkably strong to overcome everything the world has thrown at you

You will feel fatigued after moving to your new apartment but it should hopefully pass if you take some time to rest and adjust to your new surroundings

I agree the world in general does not understand fibro, people just do not grasp the concept of ''No, I can't today...'' or ''I need to rest right now'' or ''I have overdone it, please don't ask me'' despite telling them of the illness

As for positive pants - it reminded me that I made a booboo when placing an order with Amazon, penalty of a fibro moment - thought I was ordering 4 new pairs of knicks, just did not notice that I ordered 4 packs of 4 pairs so I have a dozen spare pairs if anyone needs them! (I do not normally wear underwear - too much hassle - but needed some when I went to visit my kids earlier this year- my Nana always told me never to leave the house without clean underwear!)

Sorry, I have probably waffled at you when you don't need that. Look after yourself

Ann xx

The sooner they find a cure or a treatment the better. I think medics are oblivious to the fact that Fibromyalgia destroys lives. I'm glad you have recovered from cancer.Enjoy your new apartment.

Aw sweet girl I feel for you! My partner is so supportive but I see how hard this change is on him and I fear every day he will leave for someone more able to live out his dreams with. The fact you have overcome so much already proves how strong you are!! You will heal and things will eventually get a little better (I hope) I’m sure everyone in this group can empathise. Don’t struggle alone, we are all here 4 u. Chin up xx

Sorry that things haven’t been great for you , don’t be afraid to be upset and your sister doesn’t mean any malice she just doesn’t understand. You have been incredibly strong going through all of that and the fact your still fighting ... now is the time to find the new you .. it’s going to take time and it won’t always be the easiest of paths but you will find a way through because you have already.

Wish you the best and remember every one is here for you

It isn't self pity it is just that you have been through so much and then moving to a new place it can all become totally overwhelming. I understand what you mean about your sister as my friend sent me an email saying how tired she was because she had been out every day this week to Christmas meals etc and was out again today whereas I had to cancel the only two Christmas events I was going to all Christmas because of my health. I felt rather like you.

Be kind to yourself and rest as it is not just physically you are drained but you have been through so much mentally as well.x

M0AL61
M0AL61Administrator

They say that moving house and the split in a marriage or relationship are 2 of the worst things you can go through and you have just done both, so it's understandable you'll be feeling more exhausted than usual, and you'll also be very emotional.

Fibromyalgia, unfortunately, is one of those hidden illnesses, where other people "don't get it, until they get it".

You're a tough lady, having come through cancer not once, but twice.

Allow yourself time to go through all the different emotions you'll be feeling with everything that has happened, and cry if that's what you need.

Sending you some soft (((Hugs))) xx

Sending a big hug, I really know how you feel, I am having a flare at the moment after standing in the cold at work. Yesterday my mum said I need to be more active to stop the flares! my own mum! I never stop, I work and have two young children, I felt so upset. Like you said nobody understands, because it is invisible.

You sound like a real fighter to me as you have already dealt with some life changing problems. I have found Fibromyalgia can take me to a pretty lonely place at times. Mindfulness techniques and listening to music helps to get me back on track. Look ahead and plan the best future for YOU in your new home and wear your positive pants with pride.

It is difficult to hold it together when someone so close to you dismisses your fatigue in such a way. Sometimes people get embroiled in themselves so much that they don’t stop to think what they are saying. That then is what we all find so insensitive and what hurts us the most when it has come from someone close to us.

I’m so sorry you have battled so hard through your cancer to then be hit with this horrendous condition. You have shown you are a warrior already. You now need to continue being that great warrior again to get you through this very difficult time. You will get through it as we all have. It does mean though that in getting through each day your views on others will change. You will find those you need in your life will be there to support you throughout each day. It does sound like one of those people will be your husband. It may also be your sister if you tell her how dreadful you felt after her comment. We’ve all done and said things without thinking of the impact a few words can have on someone. Only you know whether it is worth keeping your sister close in your life.

Good luck in your new home. All the very best with this new chapter in your life. XX

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I too had breast cancer and now have fibro and I totally agree with what you’re saying - strange how people empathise over a “hidden” cancer and yet can’t do so over fibro. I think people get caring fatigue and, with fibro, there’s no end in sight so it’s difficult to keep caring, especially with such a little recognised and multi-symptom illness. After a cancer remission you’re expected to be delighted and jump straight back into how you were before diagnosis but it’s not that simple and lots of us suffer from a degree of depression after recovery; you’ve gone through an unbelievably traumatic time so it’s not self pity you’re feeling - it’s real sadness. Please be kinder to yourself

You are allowed to feel sad after all you have been through. Funnily enough my husband told me last night that he wouldn’t still be living with me if he had enough money to maintain his standard of living if he divorced me. He said my being unable to do things wasn’t what he signed up for when we married in 1970.

He has never understood or sympathised with me having M.E and fibromyalgia. He still thinks it’s in my head.

I’ve been looking on Rightmove for an apartment to buy when our house is sold. My husband thinks he shouldn’t have to share everything down the middle. I worked full time after my children went to school until I was 60 and had to retire because of my health. I think if I had remained healthy then our marriage would have trundled along.

I think you are a very brave person. I don’t think I’ve got the energy anymore to deal with all the stress and upheaval moving house and divorce will bring.

Sending you a gentle hug.

linlin01
linlin01
in reply to Patdoyle

Sorry to hear that Patdoyle. I didnt think I'd be able to manage my divorce but its now through, and after 2 house moves I'm now in my own home and looking forward to christmas. Hang on in there!!!

Many hugs L xxx

You poor, poor thing. You are incredibly strong and brave. No one understands what fibro or cos are like until they experience them first hand. You have just been through a house move and a break up, 2 of the most stressful things for anyone to experience. Battling fibro on top of that, no wonder you feel as you do. I too had cancer, it was the radiotherapy that triggered first the cos and then fibro for me and,like you, my relationship foundered. Please try and enjoy your Christmas, I promise you will still find some bright spots. Xx

Hello, firstly close your eyes for a moment, imagine the most feather like hug from a friend afar and that is what I’m sending you ...now....................................!!!! 🙋🏻🐾🐾☀️☀️

Many hugs Grincho, ive had to divorce and move house twice this year. My sympathies are with you - people are not very understanding. My ex husband said he wasnt having enough fun! L xxxx

IT is a horrible illness without a doubt. Good luck for your future

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