Fibro and family

[gail76]

Hi, hope everyone is as well as they can be.

I wonder how everyones family deals with their illness ?

This year has been a bit of a tough year for me with my fibromyalgia and I'm also recovering from a big hernia operation.

Some of my close family have told me In not a kind way that I'm very negative.

I tried to explain that this year has been tough and I had just had surgery but it has caused a rift in the family.

I did agree that I need to move forward more positively but I feel they just don't understand.

Has anyone got any advice to help ?

Thank you

Gail x

[Hidden]

Hi got similar problems .the negatives instead of positives.is illness beating you that's all .don't know about your area but there is courses through doctors and wellbeing teams at surgery they usually last 6 to 8 weeks once a week about 10 on course they are really helpfully and help you understand the viscous circle sometime some family and friends don't understand I would keep it to who you really trust Andy x

[gail76 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. That's a good idea 💡

[Hidden in reply to gail76]

Good luck x

[gail76 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you x

[fenbadger]

Fortunately for me, I'm of a mentality that can go without family if needed. after all you can at least choose your friends. Sounds a bit harsh but if they don't love you enough to support you, then I would deal with them only as necessary. You don't need tress wherever it comes form.

So in a sentence

I don't deal with them

There are broadly speaking 2 types that don't deal with you. Those who cannot understand. Those that are so wrapped up in themselves the truth comes out. When the going gets tough the not so tough get going

[gail76 in reply to fenbadger]

Sad but true. Thank you

[fenbadger in reply to gail76]

I learned early in life to become self reliant. To quote you: sad but true.

It shouldn't be that way

[Hartleyhare2 in reply to fenbadger]

No it shouldn't be that way but we get the cards we're dealt and I recieve no support from parents or sister. I hope I have broken the chain as I have always been very supportive of my 15 year old son and have a wonderfully supportive partner so he sees that as the norm and will hopefully pass it on in life.

[gail76 in reply to Hartleyhare2]

That’s what have experienced with my same family. I have a supportive partner too. So i am lucky too. I think I just need to stop explaining myself to them. Thank you for the reply x

[fluff26]

Hello Gail, so sorry to hear about what you are dealing with at the moment. I too am having issues with some family members. Due to my illness I gave up work in January. I too had surgery on my right hand ,a trapeziectomy ,in feb, it's been a long healing process, and will have my left hand done too . Things have been so tight financially,it's driving me insane not having my own wage to use each week. My brother through in my face that all I seem to go on about is being in pain, hard up, and not getting any help financially of benefits. He has children, 7 children. I have 1., so I can only afford to send small amounts for each of their birthdays and at Christmas. But I always send something. Unfortunately, it seems that he doesn't think that is enough. Anyway, we had a huge row when he saw pictures of us on holiday . He didn't say " that's good sis, you deserve a break, I hope it did you some good", he fumed about how we afforded it!! My in-laws helped us out to get a holiday, as we haven't been away for 7 years. The heat definitely helped my pain , so going away was better than any medications that I have to take to try and function each day. So all I can say Gail, is that our fibro family is the only place we can really be ourselves. We can have a good old moan to each other about our aches and pains , and not be judged. It is hard for people who are not in constant pain, to truly understand what our days, and nights, are like. We need " pain free" people to give us a break. To be nice, not to make the days more miserable than they already are. I am lucky that my other half ,and 12 year old son , help as much as they can, but wish this horrible pain would give me a day off occasionally.. There is no way to make family understand your pain ,that's what drags you down. We don't mean to be moany and negative, but some days that's all we can do. Blimey Gail ,this has turned into a monologue!! I don't know if I've made sense , but finding this site has lifted my spirits , by being able to chat with others who"get it". As for my brother, well, I'll carry on as usual. he has his life, and I have mine. I hope you too will have a good recovery, and things will get better soon. keep your chin up luvvy. big hugs mandy xxx

[gail76 in reply to fluff26]

Hi Mandy , in one way I’m glad I’m not alone in this but in another way its so sad to hear that your are going through a similar thing.

I’m sorry you are having a hard time and hope it gets easier soon.

I think that we are going to have accepted that we are not going to get understanding from some family members. I think I’m looking for something from them that they can’t do. So I’m going to stop looking.

At least we have people who support us.

Gail xx

[fluff26]

hi Gail, sorry for delay in replying. Yes, I too think that we've got to look onwards with that in mind. It is such a shame that things have to come to this, but If those loved ones can't be a bit more supportive, then its best we don't involve them in too much information. We have our band of brothers and sisters here, those people who can listen and have something constructive to say, without putting us down for having an off day. Now for something to make you smile. How do you make antifreeze?.......Lock her outside in the cold !! ha ha . speak soon love Mandy , have a lovely day .xx

[gail76 in reply to fluff26]

thats right! haha xx