Struggling with fibro fatigue -no support

[ayesham]

Hi fibro friends

Guys I feel very tired all the time ,despite a good night sleep .It feels like i have no energy and drive to do anything.I live with my in-laws and they don't seem to understand anything about fibro or lupus .If I say I am tired and I need rest ,my mother in law says "you need to keep yourself active ",my husband says to me that m lazy and I just don't want to do any house work .This puts me under so much pressure and eventually stresses me out alot .I feel so much pain soon after all this .I have been trying to commit suicide before since I was so depressed .I left my in-laws last year and left home and husband and said I would never return .I am back with my in-laws but the situation is still very complicated and I am in stress all the time which has affected my condition .At work people are very supportive though .I really don't understand what to do since this pressure is sometimes too much for me .My husband has been with me to some of my appointments and he knows a lot about fibro.I do sometimes get annoyed and irritable and that starts an argument that is never ending and I end up being tearful and in alot ofpain .sometimes ,I make mistakes as leaving the gas on and things like that and again ,it becomes an issue .I am starting to feel like I am actually just a lazy person who has no skills and is if no use to anybody .It feels worse with no emotional support from family .

Would appreciate your advice as has always helped me .

Thanks .

[BlueMermaid3]

First of all my friend you are not lazy, the pain is not in your head and is very real.

I am guessing that you have tried pacing yourself? Perhaps a bit of tidying and then a rest, maybe wash up, then rest.

It is not easy to learn to pace yourself. Have you ever Googled The Spoon Theory?

There is a pack that you can apply for all about Fibro on our website fmauk.org

Unfortunately, as you probably already know, stress will make your pain worse, so all of these arguments will not be helping.

I so wish there was something I could say to help you

Have you seen your GP recently? Perhaps it could be that your meds need tweaking a bit.

Are you still having suicidal thoughts? If you are and think you may actually harm yourself go to A&E or get an emergency appointment with your GP.

You will be taken seriously.

Wishing you a peaceful weekend

Lu xx

[Greykitty]

OMG..I am so mad for you..and feel helpless..you are certainly not lazy as you are working..and fighting the pain in your body and the pain in your backside of a husband. Listen..you do need more support..I ignored my condition for many years..married a mama's boy with umbilical cord attached..had 2 children..fell very ill both times..ran around like a crazy woman after my family..then Bam! I hit the brick wall recently..started with severe mobility issues..Fibro fog so bad I have no recollections of January or February..I had to stop work..handed my husband the FMauk info booklet...this flare up finally frightened them all and they then realised how this condition can make one. I have the support finally...talk to them! Please contact your GP with your suicidal thoughts..please I am a child of suicide...this is not the answer..Get doctors to speak to your husband...remember you must care for yourself first and foremost...we are all here for you..You can do it!. Take care!

[Dizzytwo Moderator]

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering this way {{{hugs}}} Life can be hard enough at times but when we feel so alone it can feel even worse. Ill health is very hard for everyone to deal with but an illness no one can see makes it even harder to believe in especially for friends and family. Living with in laws can be especially stressful for ill people. You say you go to work ?

Do you have a nurse or a liaison officer or an occupational health person you could confide in at work. How about a close friend or family member? Have you thought about getting in touch with the Samaritans. If you don't wish to talk to them they do have an email service which is very good. There is help out there you just have to look {{hugs}}

Mo

[Creativeness1]

Hi ayesham

Thinking of you sending hugs my friend

[ayesham]

Hi

Thanks for so much support ,this is perhaps the only supportive family network I have .I have tried explaining my in-lwas so many times but they say I should have told them about my condition before marriage ,even though i told my husband abiut lupus ,fibro i got recently diagnosed with .It feels so bad .I attempted suicide or trying to harm myself by an overdose of about 20 paracetamol and 10 naproxen after an argument where my husband shouted at me .I was feeling so stressed that these people just done seem.to understand me.Things like getting up late in the morning become a big issue .They say i shiuld fovus in marriage and home and not so much on work life ,I on the other hand love my work even though I find it difficult but people at work r very supportive about it.I was admitted in the hospital after a suicide attempt and have been under the crises team for a long time and i toldthem the reason of my stress My husband now doesnt trust me and blames me for the suicide attempt ,so do my inlaws .My father in law doesnt really talk to me anymore now .My husband hates the fact that I left him and went away and said I would never come back .I was finding so hard to adjust with them all.I have to say that my husband does take care of me taking my meds on time and understands my condition v well but I don't get any emotional support .When I say m depressed and don't feel like living ,he goes "you r always upset and you don't take meds on time".I can't really have a divorce or separation as I m.dependant on him for visa .All of this is so terribly upsetting and I don't have any solution to this mess.

Thanks for showing concern guys .

[ukmsmi4]

Hi ayesham , I can only echo what the others have said. You are not the problem, it's your family that needs to develop some understanding.

You say your husband understands your condition, but doesn't give emotional support. Sorry to be blunt, but, in my opinion, if he doesn't give emotional support then he doesn't understand the condition.

It's hard to know what to say to you that will help as I don't understand your in-laws lack of compassion. What on earth did they mean by you should have told them about your condition before marriage. Are they trying to say they would have liked the opportunity to reject you as part of their family. Surely that is between you and your husband. Very odd attitude. Like something out of the middle ages. Seems like all they wanted for their son is a skivvy. I don't mean to be hurtful but that is the way I interpret what you have said.

I feel you have to consider yourself. If you cannot get them to see or to understand what you are going through then I would suggest you need to consider if you can continue living with them. Clearly their lack of support is making things worse for you.

Do you have any friends that are more understanding. Or perhaps your GP, OT, physio or some other sort of medical or support worker. Maybe you can get one or several of those sorts of people to speak to your husband at least, preferably his parents as well. Someone who can explain that the emotional support is just as important to those living with chronic illness as the physical support. In fact probably more so because if your mind is not in the right place you can't get to grips with your own coping mechanisms.

I'm sorry I don't know what practical help to offer as I haven't got this problem with any of my family. Other than perhaps the Samaritans as someone else has suggested. They may have some idea of how to help or what to do. I can only say I'm thinking of you and hope you find a way to solve this problem and soon.

Look after yourself and try not to listen to those who don't seem to care.

Love and hugs, Margaret. xxx 💜🤗💜🤗

[ayesham]

Thankyou Margaret.You are right and I feel very sad about this all.I have discussed these issues with my GP as well as the crises team after the suicide attempt ,however ,this is more of a family matter and I don't think they can do much about it .They did try to explain my husband as well but my husband and in-laws all blame me for the suicide attempt and that I disrespected them by attempting suicide or hurting myself .

[ukmsmi4 in reply to ayesham]

Sorry ayesham , I've never heard such a selfish uncaring way to think. Someone is so desperate that they try to take their own life and your first thought is "they are disrespecting me". What a weird selfish way to think.

Surely the first thing you do is care for the patient, find out what has driven them to this state and do something about it. Well if you love them and care about them you do.

I really feel for you Ayesham, please remember we are always here to offer what support we can.

Take care, love and hugs, Margaret. xxx 💜🤗💜🤗💜

[Lou1062]

Have you considered at all that this appears to be an abusive situation, really consider seeking help from refuge organisations you can just talk to them they will help you decide if this is indeed abuse, its not always obvious to see from the inside you need to talk and of course we are always around xxx

[jfk71 in reply to Lou1062]

I agree it does seem very much to be an abusive, controlling relationship from every angle - in-laws and husband. X

[ayesham]

Hmmm....sure .

Will have a word.

Thanks.xx

[M0AL61 Moderator Volunteer]

I have sent you a private message Ayesham x

[Harleyquin]

Hi ayesham ,

I'm so sorry I really feel for u. This does sound abusive. They are blaming you for an illness you have, and one they obviously don't believe in. The fact that you feel tied to them because of your visa means you are trapped in a very difficult and stressful situation. I do feel you should talk to citizens advise about what would happen if u were to divorce. They may be provisions for u staying if u can prove this is abuse? I don't know how the system works but you should look into it for sure.

Being trapped and abused and bullied by you family is going to make the symptoms you have worse, and then it becomes a vicious circle.

I'm glad you have good support with your gp and crisis team. And it sounds like work are really supportive which is amazing. Maybe someone from work could give u a spare room for a little while so u can sort things out? And the fact that u are working should go in your favour to keep a visa and be here in your own right without having to stay with your husband.

Your family should be the most supportive people in your life not blaming you for the way you feel when they are making you feel this way.

I really hope you find the strength to overcome this and take a leap of faith, you may find your symptoms improve once you are out of a stressful situation.

I'm so pleased you are supported here and u can come here anytime for a rant and advise and friends. Please don't feel like you are ever on your own we are all here for u.

Much love and hugs

Jxx

[ayesham in reply to Harleyquin]

Dear Harleyquin

Thankyou for your advice.I am very sad deep down about the entire situation .I don't blame them entirely coz sometimes the arguments start with me feeling irritable and annoyed and other times feeling completely depressed and tearful .My psychiatrist has started me on sertraline but I just don't even want to get better coz I don't see a solution .The fact that I don't feel any emotional support puts a huge impact on me .

I am so thankful to all of my fibro family .Just by sharing my feelings ,I feel supported .

I will look into citizens advise about this matter but I don't want to prove a case of abuse and hurt someone .I don't even understand if it is actually abuse or m just getting oversensitive .My husband has been with me up all night the night I was in the hospital .these thoughts make me feel bad about him ,perhaps i am not a good wife .I just feel very low .

Thankyou for the support and concern .

Bless you .xx

[Harleyquin in reply to ayesham]

Please don't think this is your fault. Nor do u sound like a bad wife. You have a debilitating condition. And abuse takes many forms.

Also please try and feel, positive about getting better, I know it is very difficult to feel positive especially when you have so much going on at the moment.

Maybe just a bit of time out for yourself would be good and then you can look at rebuilding a relationship with your family. Do not feel selfish you need to concentrate on getting as well as you possibly can.

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine being in your situation but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Big love

Jxx

[ayesham in reply to Harleyquin]

Love and sincere prayers to you .

Thankyou.xx

[Sancut]

Hi, my heart goes out to you. You sound a lovely caring person, which your work colleagues seem to acknowledge, but not your family. Please please try and stay strong, these people(sorry) are selfish, heartless and horrible. I'm lucky I get support and help from my husband, although it does put stress on relationship, my son who is 29 and at home still expects waiting on hand and foot,my two daughters are lovely, but have a lot on their plates to deal with themselves, but I have never had the heartless treatment you are having. It must be so hard for you, You don't mention your own family, do you get support or help from them? I think you need to keep talking to people who DO care about you, work colleagues and people in here, who do genuinely feel for you and your situation. Is there any possibility of you and your husband getting away from his parents, he may be different then? Marriage is for in sickness and in health, his parents seem unaware of that, they've maybe been lucky to be blessed with good health but certainly not kindness. If you feel down come on here, have a good old rant, it does help a bit , I can vouch for that. Do look after yourself, you are valuable , I wish I could give them all the illnesses we have just for a day!! Take care,

A special hug for you,

Sandra xx