Conflict between mind & body

[LadyPenelope]

Ive had endometriosis for at least 25 years and have had to stop work because of that. I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as well and I find myself becoming less able to function normally. I've also gained a lot of weight from the medications and inactivity. I tend to have this conflict between my mind and body. My mind knows what needs to be done, eg I need to get out of bed to find something to eat as not eating presents its own problems. My body doesn't seem able to (or want to) listen to and obey what my mind is saying and I end up just staying in bed because I feel exhausted and in pain. It's really confusing, sometimes I have arguments with myself in my head. My mind tells me maybe I'm being lazy, if I make more of an effort I can get things done, how can I be exhausted when I've been in bed all day. My body responds and says that, it also wants to get up and go, but its too exhausted. I don't know if I'm making any sense. I have always been someone who needs to get up in the morning and get going. Having to slow down and virtually come to a stop is driving me insane. Is it because I haven't accepted my current situation for what it is? Is it because my family doesn't believe Ive got serious health issues that have affected my whole life? Sometimes I feel pressured by my parents to "get my act together" get a job and stop "sitting at home all day doing nothing". It's impossible to talk to them because they're totally and completely in denial. I know I'm not lazy and I'm not a hypochondriac, so why do I have this conflict and these arguments with myself? I want to do all the things I used to do but I simply can't. It's really difficult when you're your own enemy and chief critic. Does anyone understand what I'm trying to convey? Can anyone help me. Please ....

[Julie63]

Big, Very Gentle, Hugs, LadyPenelope. I understand where you're coming from, and really feel for you. I wish there was some way you could get your parents on your side? Have they been given/read any Fibro fact sheets or any info of any kind about just what you are going through? I have faced similar from my extended family, which is quite large, and I know how you feel pressured by it. Luckily my late Mum began to realise just how Ill I was and how come I had not been able to visit home so much. Until then, she had been one of those who thought me lazy. It has had the effect of making me think I AM lazy and when my gp wrote in my notes that I was hypochondriac, well then that too knocked my self esteem. Please, please do not let anyon, especially yourself, tell you that you are lazy, or that you shouldn't still be tired after being in bed - it is a symptom of fibro that you don't get refreshing sleep and can be constantly fatigued. I often have these battles between my body and mind, I'm looking at a mess of newspapers on the floor right now and my head keeps on at me to pick them up,while my body just keeps replying, "go on then, you first." and so on. I count it as a victory if I manage to get one or two jobs done a day now, whereas I used to be able to clean up after two kids and a messy Hubby plus working full time and studying for a part time degree course. I can't do anything like it now! Please tell your parents their constant criticising is not helping, ask them if they'd come with you to your doctor to get him to explain fibro to them, or go with you to a local support group meeting, or just look on this message forum to see what having fibro is REALLY like. Right, think I've gone on for long enough, I'll say bye for now and will talk more another time, good luck and more gentle hugs, Julie xxxxx

[LadyPenelope in reply to Julie63]

Thank you very much for being so candid.... I actually got to the point where I was sure I was losing my mind. I'm so so relieved to hear that there are people out there who also have arguments in their head; boxing tournaments of mind Vrs body. I think I will just have to take bluejeans advise and ignore those who insist on making my life more difficult than it is right now. It's a pity my parents and family choose to be in denial. Thank God I have a whole extended family on this site who I know I can count on to support me on this difficult journey.

[TheAuthor]

Hi LadyPenelope

I want to say how sorry I am to read of how you are feeling and being made to feel by others. There is no easy answer I am afraid, but please hang in there do what is best for you. I know it is difficult at times, but you know inside what you can and cannot do? So go with your own flow, for you sake! I want to sincerely wish you all the best of lcuk.

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken

[LadyPenelope in reply to TheAuthor]

Thanks Ken, I'm really struggling with finding the balance. I've been told I'm a bit too hard on myself (expecting to be able to continue doing the things I could do before Fibro) so I will need to work on that. I'm hoping that as time goes by, I will be able to know what I can and can't do, and come to a place of acceptance of the new me.

[bluejeans16]

I think most of us feel the same way. I have ME. until this stopped me i would always be on the go. It has taken me a year to start to pace myself. Unfortunatley you have to listen to your body and not your mind. I have had to cut down on my working hours and when I am not at work I end up sitting on my backside all day as I am too exhausted to do anything else. Years ago this would have been unthinkable. As for your family ignore them as they don't understand what you are going through.

[LadyPenelope in reply to bluejeans16]

You actually made me laugh out loud at the last sentence. Very practical advice... I will do exactly that and ignore my family and anyone else who tries to make my life more difficult than it is now. Thank you 😀

[Reykua]

Hi LadyPenelope, where's Parker when you need him eh? I'm sure you get that alot.

I love the way you so eloquently stated your case - you sound just like me - well me in my head, having an argument with myself. Sometimes it can almost feel like I have multiple personalities. Your description is so realistic and I know that many, many of us with Chronic Pain and Long Term Health Conditions feel just as you do.

Please, please be kind to yourself. I've had to learn to accept and indeed 'love' the New Me. It's not an easy process as with hindsight, I think I actually adored the Old Me but I think I'm starting to at least Like the New Me a bit more.

There's nothing wrong with criticizing yourself so long as you're using it as a means of motivation and not just to beat yourself up all the time. Trust me, there are enough people out there ready to judge you, why constantly judge yourself as well? Cut yourself some slack ok, you're doing the best you can given your health conditions.

Wishing you all the rest you need but to be fully rested, you're going to have to still your mind as well as . I find mantras and meditation helps together with some nice music in the background - I love modern jazz music it helps me mellow out.

[dondons99]

Hi hun your parents need to see this site because you need people around who can support you when times are rough, I get up do a bit of house work then I feel knackered so I know where your coming from you will be able to do stuff just remember to pace yourself you will get there

Sending hugs

Always here if you need a chat xxxx

[LadyPenelope]

Thanks Reykua and dondons99. I'm so pleased I can come to this place to reassure myself that I'm not lazy, not a hypochondriac and certainly not an attention seeker. This is the only place where I can meet people who understand, who are just like me and are happy to support me. I'm slowly learning to accept the new me and understand how to pace myself. Ive come to the conclusion that my family don't understand because they don't want to understand. They would rather put their heads in the sand and pretend all is well. Ive stopped trying to get any support from them, it only leads to hurts and disappointment. I believe that with the help and support of my friends on this site, I will be just fine. 😃😃