Top 50 jokes - 16 to 34

Hi All

These are the next instalment, again sorry if I have posted them before.


16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

17. When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband".

18. "My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."

19. I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

20. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

21. A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

22. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

23. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

24. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

25. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?”

26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

27. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

28. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

29. I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"

30. I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite......... one jar.

31. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

32. Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

34. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Hope you all enjoyed them, or is it hope you enjoyed them all? whatever way a smile is intended.

Take care and kindest regards


3 Replies

  • Thanks for that , really good!

  • Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains. He Said "Pull yourself together"

  • Thanks Terry, Julie xxx

    (Keep em coming!)

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