The dinner party and others

[tettridge]

THE DINNER PARTY

My wife hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some we hadn't seen

for quite a while, and everyone was encouraged to bring their children

as well.

All during dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old stared at me

sitting across from her.

The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.

I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in

place but nothing stopped her from staring at me.

I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me.

I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went

quiet for her response

The little girl said "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."

Why Men never get depressed

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack...

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt when you swim in the sea.

You can wear NO shirt to swim in the sea.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress £3000. Morning suit rental £100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day holiday requires only one small suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is £5.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

_____________________________ ______

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Crazy and Wildman.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing forever!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humour (if you know any!) and who can handle it ....and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

So I have

Take care and kindest regards

Terrt

[TheAuthor]

That is really good, thank you for sharing this with us all.

Ken

[Ginsing]

Tert , you know you have lightened my morning no end, I am sitting grinning to myself- good job no one could see me Thanks

xxgins

[Hidden]

Very good Chuckled me a little whilst having morning coffee

You've set the giggling fluffies off Terry so I'm sending them to you for entertainment

You are the Master of the funnies at the moment

xxxsianxxx

[aura2]

Loved them .... Buying for a pound because it in the sale is totally me had to read that out to hubbie ..

Keep them coming good to start the day laughing x with thanks

[Hidden]

I Thought these were so funny I read them to my hubby who agreed. He particularly liked the one where women strangely deteriorate at night, not that it would apply to me

[tettridge]

Hi All

I must say the inspiration comes from Fibrofoggiest with her Pic of the Day, some days they have really made my day brighter and I thought if that is what she can do for me perhaps I can do it for someone else.

I really so glad you are enjoying them, I am having a lot of trouble with some that are really funny but so not allowed what with the content and all.

I still have quite a few and some of the pictures that have been sent to me and in an e-mail there are maybe 6 or 7 so that takes a while to separate from the e-mails, but the way I see it iid if I find it funny then it is worth sharing.

Take care and kindest regards

Terry