Feeling so low :( Am I the only perso... - Fibromyalgia Acti...

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Feeling so low :( Am I the only person dreading Christmas?

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The pain and fatigue is really getting me down. Don't know how to pull myself up again. I know there are others much worse off than me which makes me feel utterly selfish. Can someone pray for my children please? I feel I'm really letting them down.

Thank you

BM xx

18 Replies
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Hi bluemermaid,

at this time of year a lot of people feel down and overwhelmed, and when you suffer with Fibromyalgia it gets worse as we try to be like everyone else, and we forget to pace ourselves. I most certainly will pray for your children and for you that things will get better. You don't say how old your children are. Are they old enough to sit down with you and you can explain to them your limitations? but with some help from them, you could work together to make Christmas a great time for you all. Please don't feel that you're letting your children down. You sound like you are a very caring mother to me, but you are under a lot of stress.

Make yourself a nice hot drink, and try to get a good nights sleep. Come on here if you're anxious or worried. There is always someone around to lend an ear.

Lots of love

GJ. XX

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Thank you so much gerryjay

My children are very kind and caring, which in a strange way makes it even harder!

Their dad passed away 3 years ago and their uncle 2 years ago.

Your lovely message brought tears to my eyes. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong, but being a lone parent is so hard at times.

I've had Fibromyalgia for many years but am having a serious flare up at the moment.

I feel so anxious but I don't know why. How stupid is that!

Thank you again.

Louise (BM) xxx

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Hi again Louise,

it's not stupid at all. Anxiety can strike anytime, and for no reason. You've had a lot of heartache in recent years, and often mothers put their grief to the back of their mind for their children's sake, and then out of the blue your emotions get the better of you and you feel like your not coping, and anxiety strikes. As I said I will pray for you and your family, and if you need a listening ear, you can PM me, or just come on here for support.

Be kind to yourself, and take care.

Lots of love

GJ. XX

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Thank you so much GJ.

You're very kind. I really appreciate it.

You take care of yourself too.

I hope you get some sort of rest tonight.

Hugs to you

Louise xx

Hello Bluemermaid

I know how you feel, completely. I have 2 children, 14 and 7, and my husband died 5 years ago.

Gerryjay's advice is so true.

We try to do everything for our children, care for them, pick up after them, make up for them having one parent, support them, protect them, hide our feelings from them (I'm not good at that). We're not superhuman, especially with fibro. I lost it this morning, trying to do about 4 things at once, and couldn't. It is a case of one thing at a time. The other things will still be there. Unfortunately. I do sometimes wish for a fairy godmother.... I've done a few different courses, CBT, confidence, with MIND and with a group which is attached to the NHS, where I am it's Live Well Suffolk. It took me a few times with the CBT before I clicked into it, I don't always do it and have to remind myself from time to time. Do you have anyone who can help you?

Please don't expect too much of yourself. I know it's easy said. You love your kids so be nice to yourself, for you and for them.

If you ever want to chat I'm here. I'll say a prayer for you and for your children. I wish you rest and peace.

Is x

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Hello Is

I'm so sorry for your loss :(

It was quite amazing reading your message. You couldn't have put it better.

My son broke down today. It's so hard watching your children in so much pain.

Then it was my turn to sob my heart out. The tears just flowed and flowed.

You certainly hit the nail on the head about trying to be a father to them as well.

I tried CBT for 6 weeks but I really couldn't 'get it' as hard as I tried.

Which of the courses would you most recommend?

Being nice to myself has never come easy.

Thanks for the offer of a chat. Gerryjay offered the same too which is so lovely.

Thanks so much.

I very nearly didn't post in case I didn't receive any replies, which would then have made me feel a million times worse.

I will remember you and your family and Gerryjay in my prayers tonight.

Thank you for your offer of friendship.

Hope you get some form of rest tonight.

Hugs to you

Louise xx

suffolklass
suffolklass in reply to Hidden

Hi Louise

I think it took me 3 attempts at CBT before some of it sunk through my thick skull! I don't stick to it but use bits which fit in when I need it. I'd say to anyone to try it again but concentrate on little bits at a time. It's the same as when we try to do too much we lose all focus, one thing at a time.

I started with a counsellor, one on one, and she suggested doing a group session with MIND for confidence. I built it all up from then. One step at a time, a cliche but one that is so true. You wouldn't run a marathon without training.

I tried not to let the kids see me upset, on hindsight I think that was wrong because it would burst out in the wrong way. It's good that you can "share" with your children.

You will get stronger and more confident and enjoy life again.

Xx

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Hidden in reply to suffolklass

Hello again

I was seeing a project worker at MIND but stopped going a while ago. It wasn't a conscious decision to stop going, it just happened that way. (If that makes any sense at all?) I'm going to email her now and ask if I can see her again.

Christmas has always been a bad time for me even before my children's dad died. I've had 2 nervous breakdowns, one over Christmas.

I don't feel I've moved forward at all over the last 3 years. All the tears and hurt and anger and sadness are all still as bad.

How do you feel now? Is there anything you think really helped you to move on? I know we're all different but I'm feeling a bit lost right now xx

suffolklass
suffolklass in reply to Hidden

I sometimes think with depression we have to know we're lost before we can do something about it, I certainly did. For me it was a case of building myself up, occasionally knocked back down, but getting back on my feet. I'm still sorting myself out but at least now that I don't work I have one less thing to worry about.

Make a SMALL list of things you want to do, only 2 or 3, and not big things. Give yourself a chance to do them over a few days then feel proud of yourself when you have achieved them. If you give yourself to many or too big a project you'll feel bad about not doing them.

There are also courses about pacing, they're aimed at people with only pain, no fatigue like fibro. But you can get an idea about how to. I hadn't been told how to pace and thought I could - but I certainly wasn't. Fibro does frustrate me something terribly and that's what I'm working on now.

Christmas is a bad time, there are so many expectations on everyone nowadays. Do what you can, your children will understand, and enjoy what you can.

I have a book, Think About Your Thinking, I found it really helpful and started me on the way.

X

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Hidden in reply to suffolklass

Thank you for the ideas. I will look for the book. My thoughts are with you and your children. I hope you all have a peaceful and restful time xx

Morning Bluemermaid,

Hi I have read all your posts and the balance is right your children will love you what ever you manage for Christmas. They will know how hard it is for you when feeling poorley to put Christmas together for them. Sometimes we do not give them enough credit.

How old are your chilren? Do you talk to them about Fibro as a daily thing I mean are they involved?

I lost my husband to cancer 15 years ago now and the first Christmas was the worse so we changed all the routines around and they enjoyed it because we made it different.

I send you a bucket brimming over with festive spirit which is a bucket full of love and you share it with your loved ones and Christmas will be marvelous for you.

Your anxiety can be swept aside I am sure you have done as much as you can so be kind to yourself this week ease of a bit and just finish off what needs to be done .

Wishing you lots of fun and happiness.

xgins

Im the same sorry but I don't no what to put as brain will not let me

sorry Bernie xxx

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Thank you gins and Bernie. My children are 13 & 16. I've talked to them about my chronic depression and Fibromyalgia and they are very understanding. It's me that's the problem! I know I put too much pressure on myself but it's a hard thing to break. I'm sorry about your husband gins. It hits everyone really hard doesn't it.

Thank you again. My lovely Fibro friends are such a joy to have.

Hugs to all xxx

Hi bluemermaid.

What a coincidence. I have just written a similar post entitled Feeling low today! Then I thought I'd read a few posts from others and I found yours. I can totally empathise with you as I feel exactly the same, maybe for different reasons but the bottom line is that Christmas just drains what little energy we have and, in my case, that is very little on a daily basis. I shall certainly pray for your children. Please don't think you are letting them down. When I remember my mum, just being with her was enough. How old are they? I am sure they love you for who you are and not for what you do or don't do. Oh I have just spotted (above) that they are 13 and 16. It is good that they are so understanding. I suffer from depression too and this time of the year really brings me down. It is so hard isn't it. I shall pray for you too and hope that you have a better Christmas than perhaps you are envisaging at the moment. Gentle hugs, Saskia XX

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Hi Saskia

I know exactly what you mean about those tv adverts!

I was sorry to read about your mum and other close friends. This time of year, for some of us, is incredibly hard, as you say with Fibro added to the mix.

There always seems to be a lot of pressure to be seen to be having an amazing time and constantly being jolly over the festive period.

Thank you for your prayers and please accept in return a very large gentle hug to hold you up over Christmas.

I hope you will be able to rest and have some peace.

Take care

Gentle hugs to you

xxx

Saskia
Saskia in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much Bluemermaid. Your comforting words mean a lot. Bless you and your family. Hugs XX

Good morning blue mermaid,I meant to reply to you a couple days ago but every time I was reading your replays one of my kids took the iPad and me being so soft I let them have it.Iam also a single mum with two boys of 5 and 11 years old.I divorced their dad as I couldn't live with the devastating effects of his alcoholism any more.I also have some bad memory's of Christmas when my husband was drunk but I always tried to make it special for my kids some how.Iam also finding it a drain now on my energy.I was in a bad flare for a few months and when a relationship ended with someone whom was 17 years younger than me it was a releif and I was better but now Iam finding myself in a lot of pain again and worn out.It is so hard being a lone parent this time of year and trying to make Christmas special for your kids on your own.My thoughts are with you and I would say that try not to put too much pressure on yourself and just do your best you can with the amount of energy you have as that is all you can do at the end of the day.Iam sure that your kids will not hold it against you as they obviously love you and it sounds like they understand.Lots of gentle hugs xxx

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Thank you for your lovely message Haribo. Your kind wishes and thoughts are much appreciated.

I hope you too will find the strength to get through Christmas. I guess I'm lucky in that my children are teenagers so are happy to sit and not do much!

Take care and thank you for taking the time to reply to my message.

xxx

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