Hi all, this is my first post and I think I'm just trying to reach out to see if I can alleviate the feelings of being so alone through this infertility hell.
We've been trying for a baby for years and years. Two years ago we started on clomid, got pregnant on cycle 2 but miscarried at 8 weeks - needed medical management. Had 9 cycles in total but no luck. Started IVF this year, first cycle in August. Was going well - lots of eggs, lots of viable embryos, one inm planted and 6 in the freezer. But then disaster struck and I got severe ovarian hyperstimulation. I was in hospital for a month and got very, very sick. It was terrifying. And at the end of it all I miscarried again, another one that had to be induced and it was particularly grim. I was off work until November.
I though I was on the mend but now, just to add insult to injury, my hair is falling out in a big way as a result of being sick, miscarrying, all the hormones and the major weight loss due to being ill. It's coming out in huge clumps, washing my hair is so soul destroying and I hate the way I look.
My sister in law and another of my best friends have just announced their pregnancies. I'm surrounded by babies and pregnant ladies, it just seems so easy for everyone else. I feel so split down the middle each time a new pregnancy announcement is made - half of me is genuinely happy and excited and wants to be involved, the other half is so sad and jealous and heart broken and simply doesn't want to hear about any of it.
People are so supportive and help as much as they can, but ultimately I feel so so alone. My husband is amazing, I couldn't ask for any better. But even he can't fully understand. No one really asks me anymore how I'm feeling or if I want to talk about it, probably because they don't know what to say/ask or because I'm pretty good at putting a brave face on. But inside I'm just dying.
It shouldn't have to be this difficult.