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Fertility, Miscarriage & IVF Support by MamaBe
1,423 members693 posts

First post - IVF loneliness

Hi all, this is my first post and I think I'm just trying to reach out to see if I can alleviate the feelings of being so alone through this infertility hell.

We've been trying for a baby for years and years. Two years ago we started on clomid, got pregnant on cycle 2 but miscarried at 8 weeks - needed medical management. Had 9 cycles in total but no luck. Started IVF this year, first cycle in August. Was going well - lots of eggs, lots of viable embryos, one inm planted and 6 in the freezer. But then disaster struck and I got severe ovarian hyperstimulation. I was in hospital for a month and got very, very sick. It was terrifying. And at the end of it all I miscarried again, another one that had to be induced and it was particularly grim. I was off work until November.

I though I was on the mend but now, just to add insult to injury, my hair is falling out in a big way as a result of being sick, miscarrying, all the hormones and the major weight loss due to being ill. It's coming out in huge clumps, washing my hair is so soul destroying and I hate the way I look.

My sister in law and another of my best friends have just announced their pregnancies. I'm surrounded by babies and pregnant ladies, it just seems so easy for everyone else. I feel so split down the middle each time a new pregnancy announcement is made - half of me is genuinely happy and excited and wants to be involved, the other half is so sad and jealous and heart broken and simply doesn't want to hear about any of it.

People are so supportive and help as much as they can, but ultimately I feel so so alone. My husband is amazing, I couldn't ask for any better. But even he can't fully understand. No one really asks me anymore how I'm feeling or if I want to talk about it, probably because they don't know what to say/ask or because I'm pretty good at putting a brave face on. But inside I'm just dying.

It shouldn't have to be this difficult.

:-(

3 Replies
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Hey Clare, I’m so sorry to hear about your journey you have been through so much. I have been through three rounds of ivf so understand how u r feeling and things will get better. Fertility can be very isolating and I found talking about it helped me. I also found a lot of support on fertility network so you could try that. I’m here if I can help x

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Hi, sorry to hear that and iam as well going thru some rough road. Had my eggs retrieved but have to delayed the transfer process as there’s fluid in my Fallopian tube. Major emotional breakdown. And doctor suggested that I clamps both my tube which makes me can’t conveive naturally.

Baby dust to us both

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Fertility issues make a huge negative impact on us. Needless to say, our relationships. And the worst thing is you aren't able to tell people things and be sure they understand. Those who've never been in these shoes won't understand. You know, when I saw my protocol of stimulation first, it was hard to evaluate it for me. I mean to give my own estimation as to how long it is and if they prescribe too little medications or vice versa a lot of them. Now when I got to read so many articles, blogs and talked to ladies on forums who have/had similar treatment, I realized that I don’t have much medications. I had only one gonadotropin called Merional, Metipred, and vitamins (folic acid and Vitamin E). I knew they might still add certain medications when they got my relevant tests. Still I was a bit concerned of having only one gonadotropin prescribed. Sth like would it be enough to induce superovulation in me? To get many eggs of good quality? I knew those questions didn't have to come to my mind since I had a doctor to care about all those aspects. but still – I’d been an infertile woman at that time and when it was about my future offspring I wanted to be maximally aware of the situation. but had to keep this all in ''secret''. i didn' want to see pity in people's eyes and hear sth like ''poor thing.. don't get overstressed..you've still got a plenty of time.....'' It might be such a lonely journey..Be strong, luv, always. hugs xx

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