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Fertility, Miscarriage & IVF Support by MamaBe
1,378 members684 posts

negative preg test

I'm writing this in tears. It’s been 2 weeks but still hurts… Pregnancy test is negative. Don't understand why. Everything went great. Transferred 3 healthy eggs. Despite of my age, Dr. said my eggs are great. Chances were so high. Maybe it failed again because of my age? Don’t understand what’s the reason? This is our 3rd failed IVF!!! I’m so shattered. Can’t believe it’s happening again. Everything was so great! I was so sure this time we’ll get pregnant. I've heard that success rates increase with each next IVF. I've read that after failed IVF you are more fertile your first cycle due to all the high amount of drugs you've taken. Anyone else heard of that? I believed it was true, but… Meet with my RE on friday to discuss next try. What can improve my success rate? HELP!!

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I’m sorry about your failed cycles. I know you are very disappointed. I believe it is important that you be realistic. Were these with your eggs, or with the eggs of an egg donor? The chances for a successful pregnancy in 45 years old using own eggs are only 1.2%. Using an egg donor, the chances each month are close to 50%. Thus, even with a donor there is only a 50-50 chance each time you try. By far egg donor or adoption at age 45 are the most realistic roads to take to have a family. You should keep going! Don’t lose hope! Doing de ivf was and is the single best decision I have ever made! I have an older oe child and both are the mirror image of each other. I feel the same for both. I have a strong bond with them both. My child who is de actually is more like me in terms of temperament! My parents get all emotional as my child reminds them so much of one of my siblings as a baby! Now I never had a doubt or a wobble. When it was presented to us as a means to have a second child I jumped at it! I had a 3 % chance of my eggs working. So I wasn't willing to go through that. I believe that my child was the one I was meant to have. Good luck!

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Why don't you stop ranting the same advertisement everywhere.... I'm pretty sure everyone can spot it right on for what it is. Troll. You're simply saying the same thing over and over again irrespective of the case or considering whether it really concerns an assisted fertility procedure. Troll.

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I am also 45, and I'm so very sorry about your news. I got pregnant after 4 months of trying to conceive without fertility treatments at age 45. I just miscarried last week at 9 and 1/2 weeks. It was totally heartbreaking for us. Prior to conceiving, my 3rd day FSH level was still normal (though at the high end of normal). What I wanted to tell you is that even though I seem to have very good eggs for my age, my Reproductive Endocrinologist is still unwilling to do IVF using my own eggs. Apparently older eggs do not withstand the IVF process very well. Plus, the miscarriage rate at age 45 is 60-70%. So I guess I wonder if you were somehow led to believe the odds of the IVF working at age 45 were better? I have a friend who went through 3 failed IVF cycles at 44-45. She really wasn't informed of the low chance of success. My RE thinks I have at least a 5% chance of regular fertility treatments working. So we are going to try that, with the understanding that I will still be at a high risk of miscarriage. This particular RE clinic has a 70% success rate using donor eggs. So that will still be an option for us (though not covered by insurance). We are also in the process of international adoption. Again, I'm so sorry about your disappointment.

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With all my bloodwork coming back with such great numbers, Dr. said he would have no problem trying once again with my own eggs. He did explain that our chances were greater with donor eggs. The thing is my husband and I wanted a child from the two of us if possible. Just don't understand why it didn't work. Transferred eggs were great. Just don’t understand why it failed again. We are meeting with RE on friday to discuss next step. I want to ask him about donor eggs. Don’t want to waste time as I’ll turn 46 soon. Also we have no money to waste. I have no idea where to find money for de ivf. But at least we’ll probably have higher chances with de. Still can’t believe we failed again. Miracles happen every day. Why not for us? We have only been married for 3 years. Life sure is unfair at times isn't it? Sorry to hear of your loss. I know how you feel. I had an ectopic pregnancy in which I lost my right tube. Then had a miscarriage in my 3rd month. I hope all your prayers are answered. Best of luck.

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It's nice to talk to someone here who isn't young enough to be my daughter! I can understand why you want to try again. If you have the resources and/or insurance will cover it, why not at least try? I'm not sure when your pregnancies were, but I will tell you that when you're pregnant at 45, the doctors hover over you with scary statistics, which I found nerve-wracking. We had a six-week ultrasound with a heartbeat. In a younger woman, that would mean the chance of the pregnancy succeeding was at least 90%. And I had no bleeding or cramping. My progesterone went down a bit, but not to scary levels. Yet still we went into the 9 and 1/2 week ultrasound, and the heart beat was gone. We have great insurance for fertility treatments, but no coverage for donor eggs. And since we've put a lot of money into our international adoption, we need to wait probably two years before we can finance a donor egg pregnancy. So we're going to try the fertility treatments, as I said, but frankly if we had the money right this second, I would much rather use donor eggs. I grew up in a family in which my only sibling was adopted. I know our parents felt just the same about both of us. I'd much rather be confident the pregnancy would go well than have a biological child. I realize most women feel differently, however...

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Thanks for writing back. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this. And I really need to talk to someone. I can talk to my husband. He’s very supportive, but… I'm not sure men understand how deep it hurts that you can't conceive. He doesn't even know that our test was negative yet. I don’t know how to tell him. I’m so scared. I feel this is my fault. I’m letting him down… He’s in a business trip. Said he didn't want me to call him at work. He wants to be face to face when he gets the news. He’s going to be so hurt. All this failures are as hard for him as for me. Our insurance doesn't cover any fertility treatments. We've paid out of pocket for everything so far. We have had family and friends offer to help with the cost which I think is wonderful. I’m grateful they want to help. Well you know how men are. It hurts their pride to accept financial help. But if we decide to try again we may have to have some help. At our clinic IVF with donor eggs is around 30K. You’re right about having an increase in a successful try using donor eggs. My husband was adopted. We understand that family isn't all about having the same blood. I'm curious when you say other fertility options what are you referring to? Do have any children? My ectopic was when I was 17 and miscarriage at 31. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not meant to have children. Looking forward to hearing from you.

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If you have the desire to raise children, of course you can and should be a mother! But in our case you don't have unlimited money to put into acquiring children. I do hope you will think long and hard before you do another ivf round with your own eggs. First, it sounds like the embryos were very high quality for this try. Yet still it didn't work. Plus, even if you do conceive, you will have the high miscarriage rate to worry about. In our case, the odds of my conceiving were 1 in 200. Ironically, we beat those odds. Unfortunately the baby died at the point when he/she had a 60-70% + chance of making it. Then if you make it through the first trimester, there are all of the potential genetic problems to worry about. If your insurance would cover it, I would say why not try again? But if going through another round with your own eggs limits your ability to use donor eggs and/or adopt in the future, is it really worth it? I know the feeling of feeling you should be able to conceive, though. I kept apologizing to my husband for the miscarriage, even though I knew I'd done everything possible for the pregnancy. Of course he didn't blame me at all. You asked what fertility treatments we are going to try. Actually, I have no idea. My Reproductive Endocrinologist said obviously I managed to ovulate, my tubes are open and my husband's sperm is good. So that eliminates a number of potential problems. I assume they will try some kind of insemination process with my husband's sperm? Neither of us has any children. We married recently. We have only tried to conceive a short time. Like I said, the odds are apparently kind of low that whatever the doctor has in mind will work. But as long as it's not donor eggs, it will be fully covered by insurance. So really there isn't much for us to lose. Plus, we can still continue with our international adoption and try with donor eggs in the future, if needed (we'd like to end up with two children). I'd really like to hear what happens with you. I'm leaving town tomorrow for couple days. Probably won't have internet access while I'm gone, but would you like to communicate again! I wish you all the best in your decision-making over the next few weeks!

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Thank you so much for support! I feel so much better now. I’m so glad you shared your thoughts with me. And thanks a lot for advices. I wish you good luck with your treatment! Hope you’ll have a good trip. I'll give you an update once we see our RE. Talk to you soon.

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Sorry to hear your story.

Unfortunately the blood results including a good amh and a healthy looking egg can’t really predict the actual quality of the egg. The chances with your own eggs are low I’m afraid.

I too obviously wanted to create a child with my husband but at nearly 43 what I wanted more was for us to be a family. I went to donor eggs and haven’t regretted it. Currently 21 weeks with a little girl.

X

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Congratulations on your pregnancy! :) 21 weeks sounds like you're more than half-way there... wish you all the luck and strength for the remaining gestation. You're correct, the AMH results can't indicate the quality of eggs to the exact. It's best in deciding that whether there is much viable egg reserve or not, especially at the age of 43. It's actually a little uncommon too for menopausal women to be told they have egg quality fit for giving IVF a try but then I guess there are always exceptions. Yes, the chances get pretty low with OE+IVF at this stage but there's this ovarian revamp thing much in the hype that could maybe help. When it comes to having a baby through donor conception or die trying then the first option is definitely worth everything. You don't need to regret a thing. I'm glad you did consider the options wisely and settled with DE+IVF.

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So sorry to hear about your negative test. I wish you to be strong now. I don't think success rates increase with each next IVF. So many of us had failed IVF. I don't think that it changes anything. But then again so many people keep saying that the second one is usually more successful. But it might be that some of us learned from the first one and take a different approach. Opting to use donor eggs may give you a higher chance of success than attempting IVF with your own eggs. Millions of healthy babies have been born with the help of de IVF. It remains an excellent choice for many people who are struggling to get pregnant on their own.

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Hello dear! You will probably remember me from our conversation a couple of days ago. I'm also 45. I just had a miscarriage at 9 and 1/2 weeks after getting pregnant without fertility treatments. I'm now back from a great vacation with my husband. It really helped lift my spirits. So what did the RE say about your failed IVF cycle? Is he now encouraging you to use donor eggs?

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Glad to hear you had a great vacation. Again, I'm sorry about your miscarriage. Having had one myself, I know what you've been going through. Well we saw our RE on friday. He said that my cycle was text book. Again he said he was surprised how well I response to the meds. He said could we do it again? Yes, we could. Should we do it again with my eggs? He thinks we better not. Says it all goes back to the age thing. He also talked a lot about miscarriage rates and abnormality associated with pregnancy and older women. He advised us that our best chance to achieve a healthy pregnancy is to use donor eggs. I expected such advice. He also explained that with a donor you almost always have several chances to try. So we discussed it later and decided we had better make the best choice this time because we can only afford this one more time. “Afford” is not the right word here as we don’t have money now to pay for de ivf. But we will definitely try to find needed sum. But if we chose to do ivf with my own eggs now and it’ll fail again, I’m sure we then can forget about de ivf. So we kinda have no choice now. So we decided to go with de ivf.

We want to be able to pick a donor who will be very similar to myself in appearance. It would be nice to see a baby picture of her. I know some clinics give such opportunity. My husband seems to have really accepted this is our best option. We are planning to have ivf in March. So we have 3 months to find a clinic. I want to start the process asap. I’m really tired of waiting. Don’t want to waste time anymore. Though this is hard to be positive after so many failures, but I try to believe that this option will make us parents.

How's things going with your ttc? What are you going to do next? I know things will work out for you guys as it will for us. Prayers and positive thinking. Nice to hear from you. Stay in touch. P.S. Glad you responded to my thread. Can't wait to hear from you. Still so many unanswered questions.

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You have really moved forward in the past week! I think using donor eggs sounds like a good decision. As I said before, I would use donor eggs right now if we had the money. We were told we have another 5 years to decide about donor eggs. So we can still do that later. We’ll have a meeting with our RE next week. We want to discuss options. At the time of the missed miscarriage, he said he would be willing to try fertility treatments once I had had 2 normal cycles. The RE said he would NOT do IVF on a woman my age using my own eggs. So I guess we are talking about drugs/IUI. It seems to me it’s too early to talk about donor eggs… But who knows. Now I'm reading forums and try to guess which options our RE will propose. Well we’ll see next week. I see you’re very into de option now. I’m happy to know you’re moving forward! It’s great you can choose a donor who’d look like you. I would really, really prefer to pick our own donor. Maybe I just like to be in control. And there seems to be very little one can control in this whole fertility process! Again, congratulations on the quick progress you've made!

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Yes we have made great progress. Really feel this is our best chance. Probably should have used donor first time around. But I think most people would have at least tried once with their own. About the donor. You know, we’ve told our family and a few close friends about our decision. We like having the support and prayers from those we love. I hope everything turns out well for you. Let me know what kind of fertility treatment your RE has in mind. August can't come soon enough! I seem to be on this forum most of the time. Success stories are so inspiring! The only thing which bothers me is financial issue. I’m so scared we won’t be able to find money… But I try to believe everything will be great. Really enjoy talking with you. Hope to hear from you soon.

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Yes, I think you're right that most people would have tried with their own eggs at least once, especially if they had a strong desire for a biological child. It's probably a good thing that our RE (plus the other REs in our area) will not do the IVF process on women who are 45. So I don't even have the option. I really like that you were able to make the final decision on the donor yourselves. If we do use donor eggs, I think we'll go abroad. I’d advise you to google fertility clinics in Europe and their prices. I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly shocked by how prices here and there differ. Not sure if I mentioned this, but I have a friend who started the donor process last week. (She uses clinic in Eastern Europe. She says they’ll be able to save some money in spite of going abroad.) She had several failed IVF cycles and miscarriages. She's also in her mid-40s. They are not even telling their families they are using a donor. Not sure I could do that! Anyway, it sounds like you and I are both waiting for March, which is when my husband and I see the RE again to start the fertility treatments, though as I said, I'm not sure what exactly those are! Do you think you'll keep reading this forum in the coming weeks? I would really like to hear how your donor egg process goes! I'm hoping for the best for you!

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Thought this might be interesting for those considering donor egg. The list of questions to ask:

Who are the donors if anonymous?

What is the age of the donor?

Are eggs taken from infertility patients?

How many times can a donor be used?

Is the donor tested for the AIDS virus, CMV, hepatitis A and B, chlamydia, venereal disease, syphilis, serum karotyping and blood type and day 3 FSH? Is a drug screen done on the donor?

Are all eggs from one donor used for one recipient or are the eggs split between recipients? If they are split how are they divided? Is there a primary and secondary recipient?

How many eggs are guaranteed a recipient and, if there are less, is the fee reduced?

Is the donor aware that, as in adoption, laws may change that could allow the child access to information about the donor at a specific age?

Does the clinic maintain contact with the donor? This is important if you think you would want to use the donor again in the future. By maintaining contact, the clinic can monitor the health status of the donor as well.

Not patronising, just trying to be helpful. :)

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