Supporting sister

[s610]

Hiya I just need advice from those going through IVF who will be able to guide me on how I can best support my sister.

She’s currently having a difficult time through IVF with having poor quality eggs. The process hasn’t been straight forward or easy for her at all.

And now after her first transfer of two eggs it appears she is not pregnant.

What do I say? How can I comfort her?

She will be tired of everybody telling her “it wasn’t meant to be this time, next time...”

I want her to remain positive yet it’s okay for her to want to hate the world.

Any advice will be great thanks x

[Masha111]

Hi im sorry to hear this. Thats very considerate of you. Just be there for her like you are now and let her know of the Fertility Network on healthunlocked. She will relate to others on there and will receive the support direct from those who are trying to conceive. I found out about it really late and wish i had known about it earlier. The people on the online community are very supportive and will help her throughout the process. Also counselling will be available to her so perhaps you could suggest this as alot of people recommend this and say it really helped them.

Its ok for her to be upset or have a bad day or cry. Being there for her as a shoulder to cry on will be appreciated. As long as she doesnt bottle up her feelings ie if she confides/communicates with her OH or close family members or even a support network will help. You may help her explore her options .. how many cycles does she get on the NHS or is she self funded?

I hope she will be alright. she is lucky to have you as a sister (someone who is concerned and wishes to support her).

Alot of women who are trying to conceive and at various stages of IVF struggle around seeing work colleagues, family members, friends etc who are pregnant (not that they wont be happy for them its just really difficult understandibly). This is another reason for her to join the network. She will receive the support she needs.

Good luck. Im sure others will advise you too xx

[s610 in reply to Masha111]

Thank you for your advice.

I think she already has a good support network through counselling and community networks so that’s good.

She’s NHS and that was her first and only try.

The next will be self funded. So can only hope next time around she doesn’t have as many troubles as this time. (She had lots of eggs on collection then only 4 were of an okay quality and she over stimulated so had to have the eggs frozen for 2 months) thanks again xx

[Kempton]

It sounds to me like you are already very understanding about how she might be feeling. She's allowed to be angry right now but also try to encourage her to be positive - ok so this wasn't your time, but you are closer to meeting your little one now. That's how my sis was. She let me be sad and angry a bit, but she didn't let me focus my energy on those emotions. She always tried to encourage me to be optimistic. She made me believe it would happen for me.

Also as her sister be ready to be there for her if there is ever any baby news in the family. It'll probably be hard to take and she might want to vent. But again try and pull her out of the negative feelings.

A really good thing my sis did was buy me a diary so when I went through a fet I would use it as a way of addressing negative thoughts and moving on. It meant I could acknowledge the thoughts but because I'd written them down I was able to move on and focus on believing what if.

Just be there for her whatever emotion she's going through. Sounds like you are already doing s great job of caring because you've written this post.

[s610 in reply to Kempton]

Thanks for your reply.

Yeah I think I’m doing all I can do. She knows where I am. It’s hard not to bombard her when I imagine she just wants to shut the world out.

Xx

[Kempton in reply to s610]

It's so important not to let her shut the world out. Infertility is so bad for mental health because it's so unspoken about and so isolating - she's probably very sad. But your already know this and you're doing what you can. She's lucky to have you!