I am 44 years old and after trying for a baby for over a year and a half - i was diagnosed with endometriosis during that time - I find out that I am pregnant.
I am absolutely over the moon as I was told the likelihood of falling pregnant naturally, if at all, was slight!!
I had always hoped to be a mum but never thought it would happen especially being 44 and then being told I have endometriosis.
I go see my dr - she makes me do a urine test and then congratulates me, tells me I am 6 weeks pregnant and sends me to the early pregnancy unit at my local hospital.
I go to the hospital and have a scan.
I am told the heartbeat is very slow and that I may miscarry and to go back in 2 weeks. Her words aren’t really registering!
Those were the longest 2 weeks ever!!! All I could think about was that poor little thing inside me trying to live!
2 weeks later (Wednesday just gone) I go back and I am told there is no heartbeat and that I have miscarried.
I cry and then I am told my options;
1. Come back in 2 weeks and see if I have properly miscarried and all has come away
2. Take pills to bring on full miscarriage
3. Have op
I decided to go with the pills as I can’t bare to wait another 2 weeks and I really don’t want an op!
No one knows any of this apart from my partner - who I think deep down is happy that I have miscarried - he is 47 and has 3 kids from a past marriage and so he feels he has been there, done it and past it!
He isn’t really the most sensitive or understanding person either
So here I am going through this all on my own really.
No one apart from him knew I was pregnant.
No one apart from him knows I have miscarried.
No one knows what’s going on in my head.
I am in my own little world.
I cry at anything.
I feel a void.
I feel so very alone.
My hope of having something that was mine and for me has been cruelly taken away