Boss and work troubles 💙 any advise appreciated 💙

Hi girls, I hope you are all surviving in your journeys,

I thought I was doing ok... Life was getting easier, I was laughing again, even enjoying trying again after our 2 losses......

Until my boss has a meeting with me to see how the year is going, results, targets etc.

Then she says... So I'm going to say something I think will make you angry.....

She said that I should be "careful over taking sick leave", "people are talking", it seems to coincide that you go on holiday then are off sick! It doesn't look good.

She knows the last 2 times were for miscarriages, I also have IBS.

She does not know we have done 4 Ivf attempts in 3 years. I didn't want to tell the company for fear of losing my job. Each time trying to use holidays instead of taking sick leave which is virtually imposible as it never goes to plan.

But aside!

I told her that she knows about the miscarriages as I told her out of courtesy, that I have enough worries because if that to be expected to be thinking about"what people think"

That if the company has a problem they have an outside medical insurance company who can call. Which they did on both occasions and as soon as I told them what had happened they were fine. She says she wasn't aware of that.

And that no, I'm not angry, I'm disappointed that she feels this needs to be brought up and that if I were to miscarry again, I would act exactly the same with regards to work as I acted correctly.

I had no legal requirements to tell her why I was off.

I told her we are considering Ivf and if we do decide to go ahead then I will need time.

She then, after making me cry, says, are we ok?????

No we aren't 😔

I feel like she picked off a big scan and now it's raw and exposed again 😥

[Missy_22]

That is just awful making you feel like that. It had happened to me as well, although she knew we did ivf. She hasssked me when I was in be rest and pregnant. I felt she didn't believe me with all my issues and bleeding until I lost my little girl at 23 weeks.

Stay strong and try not to worry what people think. People have no idea how hard ivf is let alone miscarriage.

When are doing it again?? I'm not telling anyone when I next do it nokone at all but my husband of course.

Take care my lovely xxx

[Lilly08 in reply to Missy_22]

Hi Missy_22. What you experienced at work is horrible too. Sorry for your loss.

I think you are right. Not telling anyone will save you a lot of time and energy.

Most of people heard about IVP. Some know a bit about the procedure. But they don't really know what and how tough it is.

Not to mention coping with miscarriages. Or the emotional consequences, pain, grief and disappointment. Or the heartbreaking negative results.

May God give us more strength to keep on trying and being positive. We are all in the same boat. Luckily we are here to help and support each other.

Stay strongx

[Lilly08]

Hi Miraclebeliever, sorry you've been through that. It's horrible. People are getting more and more careless. And nosy, heartless.

You did right. Don't worry about what people might think.

If your manager keeps on bothering you.. couldn't you just talk to her superior? I did that once. My manager didn't believe I had to stay at home for 10 days due to eye infection (despite of showing proper medical certificate). Your case is more sensitive and they should handle your situation in a better way. After all, companies should look after their employees too.

After your IVFs... Have you thought of surrogacy? I had been having trouble with TTC and I'm already 47 years old. After doing some research it seems like a good option.

Hope you feel better soon.. don't let insensitive people bring you down.

Stay strong and keep positive! x

[Hampshiregal]

Oh sweetie that's rubbish for you and I feel your pain. I get similar but my manager said it's part of her job role. I know that I've gone from Amber warning on my hr record to Red. I've just had some more time off this week myself. If there's a problem I'll get a letter from my fertility clinic. All managers in every organisation have to tighten up on people taking time off (I've worked with colleagues who take a day a week off due to migraines, back pain etc that they can't help) and I know they get told the same.

I know that I'm super emotional and upset since I started this ivf journey- that's two years for me. It does take much for my buttons to get pressed or start crying. Thinking of you xxxx