Hi ladies and gents
I dont come on here much anymore if at all. Coming to terms with never having that bundle of joy we all much deserve and long for 6 goes 1 bfp and lost him.
I have learnt that people are happy or unhappy when they see bfp, sad when bfn but if we all want to be honest with ourselves it starts with ' awww lucky her wish it was me' then a guilty feeling pops up as you really want to be happy for that 'other' lady that got her bfp 1st time or 100th time yet your heart breaks because it isnt you.
You go through yet another feeling of failure and resentment that you can't do whats normal to others or your body is broken maybe your being punished. Then another emoitional change you start to consider life without a baby but then of course you want a baby but ask yourself will we be okay if it doesnt work.
Then it changes again you realise this has changed you somehow. Changed your relationship as it becomes meds, appointments, times, dates and all that stuff nothing is normal YOUR no longer normal.
You hate watching tv adverts with cute babies, walking down the baby isle, avoid friends and family with babies, avoid that converstion about labour and bresatfeeding. Hide away when your work colleague brings in her new bundle.... heart breaks some more and more and more until one day you wake up and relaise that before this you were different, happier, found stuff meaningful, simplistic and reasonable. You used to have fun, great sex life, you could say content before baby talk....
What am trying to say is for some we may never have that dream, for others dont let it consume your life and take away what you were already content with.
Atm i never realised i was depressed until i woke uo and said this isnt me i am not who i was and i need to find out who i am now it has changed every part of me and i didnt even realise it.
Tomorrow is my new day and good things come to those that wait and even if it never happens there are those that are so much worse off and those of us that are special and destined to help other kids already here but need us in their lives.
Perhaps it could be fostering or adoption who knows we all have our individual paths mines seems to be lucky enough to be a mummy to an angel...