Fertility Network UK

Green-eyed monster... Its not me.. Is it?!

well it happened again, a friend of mine got pregnant by accident..

I've know since day one so whydoes it hit you like a crippling surprise when the baby arrives?

I can't be the only one out there who feels angry at the world.. I feel awful and mean that I think in my own mind it should be me not her..

Outwardly I am all smiles and congratulations yet inside I'm seething, feeling like even more of a failure to my husband and womankind!

This is normal right?!

4 Replies

Hi Saz

You sound well within normal.

Retaining that outwardly displayed mask which keeps everything in can be exhausting.

We have a coping strategies factsheet here: infertilitynetworkuk.com/Re...

(Hope the link displays correctly - if not it's in the General Infertility Information factsheet section and called Coping Strategies)

The Creative Visualisation exercise can be really useful in allowing you a few minutes time out to let those seething feelings do their worst.

You're not a failure, infertility and the need for assisted conception aren't life choices, you've not done anything wrong and it really is normal to experience a whole range of emotions.

Good luck



Your post reads as if I had written it myself! Yes you are normal, and no, you should not feel guilty or bad that you feel this way. Every time a friend or colleague announces they are pregnant I feel immediately upset that yet again it is not me and my DH. I used to feel bad for feeling that way but I don't any more as I know how I feel is totally normal given my situation. Infertility is painful and stressful enough without punishing yourself for how you feel.....and remember you really are not alone, there are (sadly) loads of us IVF girls out there, who really do 'get it'. Logging on to healthunlocked or INUK can always make you feel more normal. It has given me a huge amount of support over my treatment.

Wishing you the best of luck.



Hi no to me you sound normal,and i affard to say im exactly the same.

My husband and i have been trying for 2 years and nothing yet my sister in law had a baby girl jan 2010 and fell pregnant 6moths later and i have never cryed so hard in my life.

Wish you all the best.


Sounding very normal. Only those suffering the way we are understand what you are talking about. At least you are recognising it. I'm trying to be positive at the moment, so am trying to let such feelings go.

It is a great thing that you are wanting to have a baby, and it is not your fault it is taking longer than planned.


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