*UPDATE - OTD - Negative 💔.* How is it possible to want to know something soo bad, but then be too scared for the official test date!?

[JadeH92]

*UPDATE 20.01.2022.* Sorry its a bit of a long one!

Thought it would be easier to update the post. Firstly thank you to everyone who sent well wishes and was thinking of me yesterday. Sorry for not updating sooner, I'm still feeling numb 😔💔

Deep down I think I knew, on test day my pain was really bad had it had started to increase alot the 2 days prior as well (lots of cramps and sharp stabbing pains).

Me and my partner just cried the whole time before even doing the test because we were just soo anxious, any excitement or joy has definitely been snatched away by this whole process for us.

The test provided by the clinic was a clear negative. However, I also did 2 First Response tests and both had very faint lines. I did think this was probably just a faulty batch but the clinic advised me to come in for a HCG beta anyway.

It was confirmed that my beta was negative, but I think I knew that anyway. I stopped all my meds yesterday afternoon, so my period should be here in the next few days.

I asked my clinic to do my progesterone levels at the same time as the beta, and after a bit of resistance they agreed. They told me there would be no point "because I was on the highest dose so nothing would change".

On transfer day my progesterone was 15.7. The day after transfer they increase my progesterone from Utrogestan 400mg x2 a day to Utrogestan 400mg x3 day and Cytolgest 400mg x1 a day. My bloods were checked after 3 full days on this and my progesterone was still only 17.9. Two days later (12.01.2023) 6 days post transfer I was finally able to start Prontogest Injections and I stopped the Cytolgest 400mg but carried on with the Utrogestan. Therefore, I wanted my bloods doing to know if my progesterone had come up with the injections.

Yesterday my progesterone was 44 which is within range. So now I'm thinking, had I missed the implantation window because my clinic wouldn't give me the injections straight away and was my progesterone levels just too low, so did I never have a chance?

Anyway we are taking some time before we book in our follow up and I will be asking these questions there. I will be taking some time off work as well to process what has just happened and because I know this period is going to leave me bed bound, if the last failed transfer is anything to go off. It still doesn't feel real yet but I'm sure it will hit me soon enough. I'm also probably going to take some time away from here. Thanks again to everyone for their love and support you really are all an amazing bunch.

Take care and wishing everyone waiting for their BFP lots of luck ✨🤞

*Original post*

I had my transfer 06.01.2023 so I'm not sure if I am 9 or 10 days post transfer now with it being 15.01.2023. Either way my official test date is 19.01.2023.

I think I have convinced myself that it hasn't worked. I don't know if this is because my last transfer was a failed transfer and its some sort of coping mechanism, even though I know feeling like this won't make seeing that negative test any less painful.

Despite feeling like we are out I am still trying to be positive, hopeful and thankful every day, but this process is soo bloody hard!

I have been feeling a bit rubbish, sore / sensitive boobs, cramps, dizziness, on and off nausea and extremely hungry but I think all these are just side effects from the medication.

I woke up this morning in a panic that I am actually going to have to test in few days and I don't know if I'll be able to! Both in my last transfers my partner has looked first and I don't think I'll ever forget the heartache in his eyes last time when he said "it's negative".

Part of me just wants to know now if the rubbish way I'm feeling is worth it because I'm pregnant or if it's all just shitty side effects from the medication, which if it is negative I know I'll be able to stop.

I don't even know the point to this post, think I just needed to get my feelings out there but any tips on test day anxiety or how to bring yourself to look at the test will be welcomed!

[Rainbowbaby22]

Iv got to say all them side affects sound really positive. I really hope its your time. Please let me know good luck . Sending lots of baby dust your way xx

[JadeH92 in reply to Rainbowbaby22]

I'm trying not to read into them too much because they can all be caused by the medication can't they. Which I think is another cruel aspect of this process! I will keep you posted! Thank you soo much for your kind words and well wishes 🥰🥰

[Littlepeax]

Hang on in there ♥️ this is exactly how I felt. It's so hard but you really can't tell until you test. Really hope it's good news xxx

[JadeH92 in reply to Littlepeax]

Thank you! 🥰🥰

[Ajtart]

The last few days are the worst! Hang on in there xx

[JadeH92 in reply to Ajtart]

I know you would think the closer it gets the easier it would get but it is the opposite 😂.

[Ajtart in reply to JadeH92]

I'm exactly the same. I think it's because all those injections and all of those scans are for that final outcome. When that date arrives, it's terrifying! X

[Twiglet2]

you are doing really well 🤗 the last few days are torture and if you want to test now you defo can there are no prizes at all for waiting you need to do what works for you in the 2WW xx

[JadeH92 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you and that's the thing I want to know but I also really don't want to know. I actually took the pregnancy tests out of the bathroom drawer this morning and debated for about 15 minutes before putting them back! I would love nothing more than to watch that line get darker as the days pass (so much so I've even thought about even peeing in sample pots and testing them all on test day as gross as that sounds 😂😂). Me and my partner have booked the day off work on Thursday to test because we knew if it is negative we would be too upset for work but the thought of actually doing a test on Thursday makes me soo anxious. I have honestly never been as conflicted in my life 🤦‍♀️

[Twiglet2 in reply to JadeH92]

take a big deep breath 💜 either way it’s going to be okay 🤗 either things stay the same and you regroup and go again or the best could happen but you got this 🤞🏽💪🏼.

[JadeH92 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you, I needed that ❤️❤️

[Anoncasper]

Hi Jade,

What you are experiencing is completely normal. I feel exactly the same and have all of the same symptoms.

I think its because we want something so badly and when we have no control over the outcome, we dont know how to process it. Its the most awful part about this process. Full of mixed emotions.

I really hope you get a positive result on the 19th and you can spend your Thursday celebrating. Sending lots of luck. 😘

[JadeH92 in reply to Anoncasper]

Thank you soo much! Its soo hard not to over analyse the symptoms isn't it. Trying to find that balance of being hopeful but not getting your hopes up feels impossible 😂😂.

When is your official test date?

Wishing you lots of luck 🤞🤞 xxx

[Anoncasper in reply to JadeH92]

I think no matter how often we remind outselves not to get our hopes up, we get our hopes up. We still fantasise about nursery rooms, telling relatives, baby clothes and names etc. Its so hard.

But we remain positive!

My official test date it the 24th. I had a 5 day frozen embryo transfered on the 10th.

Wishing you lots of luck too 🤞🤞 xxx

[JadeH92 in reply to Anoncasper]

Yes me and my partner have been doing postive affirmations "we are soo lucky, so many good things happen to us" and it has actually helped... But we will see if I manage to keep that up depending on the results tomorrow 🙈.

Hope you are still hanging in there! Not too long left for you now. I have everything crossed for you 🤞🥰.

Thank you xx

[Anoncasper in reply to JadeH92]

Aww that’s amazing! Good for you!

Make sure you have a good sleep (if you can) and be kind to yourself regardless of the results.

Not long for me, thank goodness. Like you, I’m trying to stay positive but realistic.

Thank you for your wishes! I really hope you get the most amazing result tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you ☘️😊🥰 xx

[JoyfulStar]

Your post reminds me so much of my last 2 week wait and my test day. During my 2WW I was hopeful yet convinced myself it had not worked. On my OTD, I woke up early but kept procrastinating; so did everything that morning but go do the test with the FMU. It was not until I was literally bursting before I took my test kit to the bathroom. OH was still fast asleep so I was on my own! . I played an inspirational song to take my mind off the test and literally waited till the end of the song before checking with my heart in my mouth.

For me this worked and I was extremely lucky it was good news. Like you my first round was a BFN so really dreaded going through it a second time. The main thing I would say is find what works for you to get the test done. Some people prefer doing a blood test but if that is not an option then you should plan to do something that will get you through.

Keeping everything crossed for you. 💕

[JadeH92 in reply to JoyfulStar]

Thank you for your reply! It's soo nice knowing you aren't alone with all these crazy feelings 😂. So pleased yours was good news and that actually sounds like a positive way of doing it! My clinic is the same, they don't routinely offer bloods however, I have got to go in tomorrow anyway for Progesterone bloods, I think I would much rather them tell me because the thought of having to look at that test just fills me with dread 🙈.Thank you for your kind wishes too ❤️

[Nenad]

all your symptoms sound very positive so keeping everything crossed for you xx

[JadeH92 in reply to Nenad]

Thank you soo much 🥰🥰

[Jokiekin11]

good luck today xxx

[Rainbowbaby22]

Good luck today xx

[Anoncasper]

Good luck today xxx

[JadeH92]

Updated the post 💔😔

[Nenad in reply to JadeH92]

I’m so sorry Jade, I really was hopeful for you. It’s such a rubbish, cruel journey and you’re doing the right thing to take a break from the process, and return to it when you’re ready, physically and emotionally. The progesterone question is a good one to ask, I don’t have experience of low progesterone but I would humbly say that the fact you didn’t bleed before OTD is a good sign that you had sufficient progesterone, the question is whether it was enough to sustain a pregnancy. Will be thinking of you xxx

[JadeH92 in reply to Nenad]

Thank you ❤️ xxx

[Bed12]

hi Jade, I’m sorry it wasn’t successful this time. I also had a negative result in December. It is extremely hard. At this moment your body is still full of hormones so it’s a good idea to take some time off from the ivf space, have the follow up a week or so later once the hormones have left your body and you can think clearer and ask the right questions. Time to just be kind to yourself. Having some sort of spiritual practice (meditation/chanting etc) has really helped me elevate my life state through this process and stay centred despite the stormy winds. Good luck. Xxx

[JadeH92 in reply to Bed12]

Thank you ❤️

[AMJean]

Hi JadeH92, Just wanted to send you and your partner a big hug. We had test day on the 19th too with the same result and it was a real gut punch. I’m dreading my period arriving too but I perhaps also need it to happen to move fwd again.Take care xx

[JadeH92 in reply to AMJean]

Thank you! So sorry to hear it wasn't the news you were hoping for either 😔. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. I don't think it has sunk in for me just yet, still feel a bit numb. My messages are always open if you need a chat ❤️ xxx