Anyone have any suggestions to help with feeling alone, overwhelmed and really low?

[Purplehedgehog87]

Had a failed ivf cycle in February but still really struggling with physical symptoms especially awful.migraines this last month, emotions all over the place and just feeling generally overwhelmed. I have a busy job too and I'm struggling through (they can't see it but I feel it).

I don't have much joy or happiness at the moment and everything is a bit grey and I feel so sad alot of the time. Has anyone got some tips for trying to help with this?

my usual MH issues relate to anxiety so usual coping mechanisms don't seem to be helping in this situation and severe headaches are preventing me from being more active. Hubby is great and family but still feel so alone

[Patience2022]

My heart goes out to you. And I am so sorry to hear about the failed IVF cycle. And omg, I had terrible migraines during our IVF cycle too! I literally had to lie down and I took paracetamol around the clock and slept a lot...

I am totally with you - everything feels so grey like the world has stopped but somehow we have to keep going? I feel so alone and depressed some days too. On my darkest days, I feel really fearful about never getting pregnant and I wonder if I would learn to be able to be happy in that scenario.. It's a dreadful thought. I've also had nightmares where I actually did get pregnant and even got to labour but then I die in childbirth and my husband is left to raise the baby alone.

Most of the time, I have to remind myself we are not alone so many people are secretly going through infertility treatments and it's heartbreaking and hard and nobody understands...

To be honest I am open to listen to your worries (intently and without judgement) and normally would hold my tongue as to avoid giving unsolicited advice (because I absolutely hate it when people give unsolicited advice or judgement), but since you speak of some "coping mechanisms", I might be able to share something...

1. I've been sticking to a daily routine where I get up on time every day, regardless of weekday or weekend. Basically, get up, feed the cats (3x a day), eat, work, clean, relax/spend time with hubby, sleep, repeat. Of course some days we also meet friends etc but the important thing is you establish some kind of routine that works for you and make a habit out of it so it becomes effortless. Being in a fixed routine really helps me to prevent overthinking and over-analysing and insomnia, which in turn prevents or reduces lethargy, depression or low energy. I think it forces you to continue down this path with your head looking forward and prevents you down-spiraling (all of which I've experienced).

2. I've signed up for a local support group. And I'm also trying to be active in these forums. It helps me to also be a source of support, however small, to someone else going through this. And it helps to not feel alone, to share with others and to know that someone understands the crazy, heartbreaking journey you're going through.

3. Escapism. Personally I turn to reading whenever I have something I want to understand. I read a lot of material (scientific, prescriptive, non-fiction etc) on infertility and coping with infertility. I also read a lot of fiction books that really help me to escape... If you like reading, there are some books I could recommend, some for information, some for entertainment, some just for a good cry...

4. Journaling. I do not journal everyday but let's say once a week, I'd try to write down all my thoughts on books I've been reading and/or try to keep a check on my thoughts and feelings. I also write down incidents of people who've said hurtful things to me, how it made me feel and how I wish to respond next time.

It helps me to be mindful of what I am thinking and feeling and separate thoughts from emotions. For example, when I'm feeling resentment and anger, I can (with practice) point out to myself why I'm feeling that way and writing them down helps to prevent it taking control over me. It sort of releases the anger since it has been recorded down. I am not sure if it makes sense but when I have identified it's a thought (anxiety or fear) I have, I know it isn't real and that the emotion is ephemeral. And I know I only need to stop thinking it, then I won't feel anger constantly.

5. Do what you love doing! I think aside from work and sleep, we should dedicate the rest of the time doing what makes you feel good about yourself or about life. It doesn't have to be creative or productive or help save the planet, but it's got to be something you love and enjoy. I think only you know what makes you happy and relaxed and comfortable and you've got to do that as a way of loving yourself and feeling good.

Please let me know if what I've said was helpful or not. I'm really not sure if it's what you were looking for, if at all. I would love to hear from you. Purplehedgehog87, you are loved, you are worthy and you are not alone. Let's keep in touch!

[Purplehedgehog87 in reply to Patience2022]

Thanks for advice. I get up pretty much same time on days off but can't face getting up 5.40am when I'm not at work! I'm just struggling to have enough focus and energy and motivation to read for example and I used to be a bookworm, also hard putting nice stuff in like walks o beach, fishing, drawing for same reason. I limp through work (I'm a nurse I'm charge on a baby unit which has been so busy lately) I seem to have very little left.There are no support groups in my area at all, I've joined a couple online through fertility network but webinars and zoom meetings are later on an evening which doesn't work for me when up early for work as although it helps taking about it, I end up not very relaxed. Really wish there was a physical one in my area 😔

Going to try putting in my diary something nice everyday, meditation and everyday writing something I've done well or I am grateful for as all my strategies have been around challenging critical thinking, anxious predictions, worry etc. There's not very many thoughts in my head just the emotions which are quite erratic since hormones

[Patience2022 in reply to Purplehedgehog87]

Sorry to hear it. If it's helpful, feel free to message me sometimes journaling can be tiring but writing to someone anonymously can be easier..

[IVFat40]

Hello hun, I'm not sure I have anything useful to offer, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this, and also that I really relate to a lot of what you're describing. During the whole period of my IVF and fertility treatment I felt physically and emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed, very low at times and yes definitely alone. It think one thing that's especially hard is how difficult it can be for others to understand what it's like (even with them being lovely and trying their absolute best), and also how secret it often feels (I told quite a few people, but also had huge parts of my life where I felt like I had to 'look normal' and happy and hide what I was going through). The lack of control or knowing what will happen is also so so hard. Wishing you all the very very best hun.

[Purplehedgehog87 in reply to IVFat40]

Yeah, that's exactly it, good friends son got christened at weekend (hubby is godfathrr) I was so pleased for them and love them all but it was so hard and it took me by surprise

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Purplehedgehog. Have you tried some counselling? See what your clinic can offer or bica.net See if there are any Webinars that might interst you on Home Page of fertilitynetworkuk.org Have you got a close frie3nd you could invite round for coffee. I have been known to go into the country and find some cws ans scream, first making sure there is no one around. The reaction from the cows is classic, they just keep munching! Sorry if this sounds stupid, but being silly doesn't hurst occasionally. Thinking of you. Diane

[Purplehedgehog87 in reply to DianeArnold]

Im accessing it but most of the time the only availability she's got is once every 2 weeks as covers 3 trusts

[Babyrainbow]

I was in the same boat after my last MMC, it was so difficult to even get up out of bed and feel like doing anything.

I had tried everything, from talking to family, friends, support groups, counseling. Nothing worked for me.

I finally started writing down what was making me feel so miserable, and decided to change one thing on the list at a time.

1. First thing I changed was my job.

2. I was a voracious reader before the miscarriage. So I wanted groups where I did not have to talk about my situation as well. So I joined a few Bookclubs, both online and in person. I was not ready to talk about my personal life there, which was ok with the groups but found a lot of friends who I could just talk about books and forget my current situation for some time.

3. Started gardening. The physical exercise helped me to find sleep. Earlier I used to wake up with insomnia in the middle of the night.

4. Did take up random hobbies, just to try something new. The learning kept me motivated.

I do keep myself active on this site, but this is the only site I log into.

So for me being detached from my situation helps me to understand it better and that helped me to try once again.

Take care. I am happy to chat if you want to PM me. Sending lots of hugs and love. ❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗

Just know that you are a strong person and you can do this.

[Albs171]

I feel the same. It’s so unfair.

On a practical note… I’m a long time migraine sufferer - weirdly I have totally the opposite in that Ivf stops them - but you can get a tablet called Sumatriptan from your gp.

You can also get in single doses over the counter.

It is a game changer.

It blocks the pain for 24 hours.

Really worth it and worth getting from gp if you can,

I hope that bit helps a little!

And the anxiety eases with time time xx

[Purplehedgehog87 in reply to Albs171]

I literally just got sumatriptan from gp on Monday, used it yesterday and it's broken the constant cycle of headache/migraine over last week! Having less pain has helped me feel a little better already

[HollyT7]

The best thing I did was get signed off and have some time to myself to be lazy, treat myself and have some clear head space without worrying about work. I wish id of done it with my first cycle earlier and for longer. This I such a testing time and I found eliminating the stressful factors that I have some sort of control over really helped. Having more time to think, didn't mean I was dwelling on the sad things funnily enough, I felt it gave me time to reset, be sad if I wanted and then move onto something else. ❤️❤️❤️

[Purplehedgehog87 in reply to HollyT7]

I've just spoken to manager today and always spoken to hr and said I'll be off pretty soon after I start and won't be able to give much notice as relies on my natural and slightly wonky cycle. It's always a fine line between needing time off and having too much time alone at home when hubby at work x

[hoping2021]

I don’t have anything helpful to say as I’m still learning. I have good days and really bad days. Just wanted to say you’re not alone.

Thinking of you.

Xxx

[Kitca]

Its the loneliest road its so internal emotionally and mostly on us physically. We are here for you and you are never alone not really it sounds like you ajve a good home support but sometimes that just simply cant and won't cut it. Here for a rant if you need. You are amazing just know that hold it tight xxx

[Kitca]

I also 100 percent get your lack of being able to focus on books etc. I had it /have it. It will come back slowly you return to yourself but just a little more scared and scarred . Time is everything i think and cant be underestimated xxx

[Lady39]

Hi sorry to hear you’re feeling low. Ivf is such an emotional journey so do be kind to yourself. After my last failed fet I felt really bloated and yuck for ages. Taking some pro biotics really helped heal my gut and the bloating went down! Think all those meds can’t be good for us. Also I’ve used acupuncture during treatment but I think it would also work after treatment with your headaches as I too kept getting migraines. Tbh I feel like I get more migraines now than I did before but like I say the pro biotics and acupuncture has helped x

[Purplehedgehog87 in reply to Lady39]

Thanks, I do have acupuncture, probiotics I have tried before for decent lengths of time for IBS and didnt help as much as my diet management. I do think this low mood is so much worse around my period and just before, last time I felt complete despair, this time it was still pretty bad but somehow a little better - at moment i feel crap 2 weeks our of every 5!😂 bloody hell.....

[Purplehedgehog87]

Thanks so much everyone, just knowing there's so many going through the same thing and know how it feels without having to explain x