Anyone else go through this every single month...?

[Purple276]

Hi all,

I'm back into the usual monthly cycle of being super focused on when I might be ovulating (I've never had a positive ovulation test but my bbt does go up in the second half of the cycle) and then convincing myself I might be pregnant even though the chances are really really slim! Anyone else go through this every month?

I'm currently waiting for my review after the second round of IVF. This month by miracle and despite my husband being really stressed with family health issues, we actually had sex just before I possibly ovulated. I'm now examining every cramp and counting down the days until my period is due this Sunday (I have a short 24-26 day cycle)

Now just to manage my expectations - I only have one tube so I have to have ovulated and for it to be on the good side. Then it needs to have been fertilised, implanted and have no abnormalities. So far I had 2 embryos implanted and neither worked so the chance of this happening naturally...I think I've worked out it could be about 15%.

I've been stressed at work, had a couple of cans of cider and eaten lots of mince pies and chocolate so all in all it's not likely but still I have hope and start replaying in my head conversations with family telling them finally after years it has worked and we are having a baby.

Infertility really is rubbish and huge respect to everyone going through this each month. I know the 2ww is even more torture so just want to say hang in there to everyone going through it at the moment. Lets all resist the urge to test early and focus on whatever we can to get through.

Take care all x

[London_Lady1]

The wait is defo the worse bit. I remember the first month we started trying and I walked into work one morning feeling really smug that I definitely have to be pregnant coz we had set at the right time. Ah isn't ignorance bliss! After the months ticked by I convinced myself that it would be no longer than 10 months as well we had a 20% chance so obviously that meant that within 10 months we should have hit that 20% chance twice. That's until we started having some tests and seeing that even though I appeared healthy all my eggs had disappeared somewhere.

Infertility is so cruel and going through this rubbish during a global pandemic is just crap.

I'm sending you so much baby dust that you do get your miracle second line. Obviously won't tell you to just relax and it will happen as everyone on here knows that's rubbish. However from personal experience eating super healthy and ticking all those 'make yourself super fertile' boxes made no difference either. So surely some mince pies, chocolate and low vol alcohol won't impact your 15% chance?

Are you lining up another cycle or taking a break for a little while? Either way you're a total warrior and wish you so much luck with your weekend testing.

Xxxx

[Purple276 in reply to London_Lady1]

Oh that bliss at the beginning when we think it'll happen for us! I know exactly how you feel and the more you look into it the more you realise it's a miracle it happens at all. We're probably going to do another fresh round next month. Make the most while in lockdown of controlling the injections and hormones rather than having to physically go into work or make excuses about why I'm not drinking.

So happy to that your last round worked 😀 I have no doubt this journey will stay with you but huge congratulations and thanks for your support xx

[London_Lady1 in reply to Purple276]

Wishing you so much luck with your next round. Unless you get 2 lines before then!

Thank you. We were so lucky with our cycle i still can't believe it. I'm just trying to enjoy every moment (while also playing out every terrible scenario in my head). Infertility makes you so paranoid!

Defo take advantage of staying in due to covid to have another cycle. No injections in toilets and no explanation needed to nosey people.

Xxx

[XOXO13]

Oh it’s torture isn’t it!

Since I’ve had all of our tests, we were given a less than 5% chance of conceiving naturally which made the reality of my miscarriage (March) last year even harder to accept. And before we were given that statistic, I would have hope that maybe that month was our month - but after those results, I’ve lost expectation that we can conceive naturally. I still hope, wish and imagine each month but I guess I now just think well it’s not likely which is another hard pill to swallow!

This journey is so tough. It takes so much energy and focus and can be so overwhelming at times as well. It’s taken away so much of the innocence and naivety that should come with a first time pregnancy as well - it’s now just replaced with so much anxiety and fear (and I’m not even pregnant yet!)

But we get through it because the pain of not having a baby is harder than the pain of trying for a baby .. or that’s how I feel anyway!

Holding on to hope is a wonderful thing, we should do. Sending you lots of baby dust ✨🤞🏻 Xxxx

[Emma672]

Hi Purple, yes I know pretty much exactly how you feel! I too had no positive ovulation strips but all tests showed ovulation and it seems to be happening during my 24-30 day cycle, it can just be difficult to tell when. I obsessed about it every month until we started IVF (and then like everyone else started obsessing about everything to do with that!)

We had our first failed IVF cycle at the end of November and in our feedback consultation we were given just a 5 to 10% chance of success. I know that the chances of getting pregnant naturally are obviously incredibly slim but like you, I’m now obsessing over whether I am pregnant now through having sex this last couple of weeks. I too had the usual Christmas indulgences but I’m not going to beat myself up about that, we had a really tough few months and we needed a break physically and mentally. I’m thinking if a mince pie or a glass of Baileys affected conception that much, nobody would ever get pregnant!

We are starting our second round of IVF on my next bleed, on the assumption that comes. I will obviously be counting down the days until the end of my longest possible cycle and crossing my fingers and toes that it doesn’t come. I’m not feeling hugely hopeful on this occasion but I do remember the smug feeling I had the day we did our test in November. I convinced myself it was going to be positive, had spent the night before awake all night thinking about who I would tell and when, only for it to be negative. My period had cruelly waited until minutes after the test to show up.

Anyway I just wanted to say you’re not in this alone, and you wish you all the luck in the world 🍀 xx

[Purple276 in reply to Emma672]

Thank you so much Emma. I was really wondering why I didn't get positive ovulation tests but maybe that's helpful to prevent us from having something else to obsess over and have less pressure over having sex.Sorry to hear the first round didn't work out for you either and hope like me it's happened this month without the assistance of IVF.

I might also start a new fresh round on day 21 of my next cycle so we maybe cycle buddies! Good luck with it all and keep me posted. Xxx

[PurplePiggie]

Totally with you, I did this every month, second guessing every little thing and convincing myself it must have happened, it's exhausting isn't it! As it happened we had very small chance of success naturally but it doesn't stop you hoping. Sending you lots of love and luck, I hope your miracle is on its way to you 😘😘 x ps don't be too hard on yourself about the mince pies etc, pretty sure a blip here and there won't make too much difference xx

[hcs204]

I did this with my last cycle too, convinced myself I had symptoms, down to googling things that aren't even symptoms like 'is an empty stomach feeling a sign of pregnancy?' 🤣 And then imagining telling family, making myself think it was 'meant to be' to start the new year etc etc. Even when my period arrived I tried to question whether it could be implantation bleeding...The 2WW is hard but part of me quite enjoys living in a little bubble of hope for a while. I really hope this turns out to be your month, and I agree with everyone else, mince pies and a couple of ciders won't make the difference!

[Purple276]

Thank you so much for your replies. It really is something that so many of us go through and experience and so helpful to have support from you lovely ladies who know exactly how I feel. Also totally agree it's easy to obsess over things but a little but of things you like will probably do much more for our wellbeing.

That's for the hook suggestion Aga86 - I'll take a look 😀

Being a little more realistic and less emotional today but I got very upset yesterday evening and my head jumped to pregnancy hormones when could be because I'm shortly due on!🤦‍♀️

Wishing you all the best and good luck to you all too xx