3rd round IVF failed - devastated :( - Fertility Network UK

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3rd round IVF failed - devastated :(

LisaHarada profile image
18 Replies

Hello ladies, I am hoping for a bit of advice. I found out today that my 3rd round IVF failed. I kept on hoping this is one of those "spotting" incidents but no such luck. My period came 10 days after transfer. I only had one embryo transferred so I do not even have an spare ones. I tried so hard to do everything right this time. I took supplements 3 months before starting my 3rd round, I took 2 days off after transfer, I ate pineapples and chocolate and I even stopped going to the gym or running for fear of upsetting the transfer. But none worked. :(

I am devastated and not sure what to do, nor am I in the right frame of mind to think clearly. Sorry for a bit of rant, but feeling a bit loss and hoping for some advice for anyone who has been in a similar situation.

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LisaHarada
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18 Replies
Jonesy84 profile image
Jonesy84

Hi LisaHarada, so sorry to read this. It really is the toughest journey physically and emotionally. I just started IVF this year and had a failed round so gearing myself up for round 2. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but wanted to leave a message to say do what you need to - cry, shout eat chocolate , have a glass of wine or 3. I hope soon you feel stronger to think about what you want your next move to be. Sending a big hug from me xx

LisaHarada profile image
LisaHarada in reply to Jonesy84

Dear Jonesy, thank you for responding to me. This is a very hard journey, a lot of times I wish to have just one time of luck. I wish you all the best for your second round!

Pickledjo profile image
Pickledjo in reply to Jonesy84

Hi Jonesy84, same boat as u. As hard as it is, make sure u take time for yourself and partner. Both have suffered and both need time to heal. Thoughts are with u x

Thinking of you I know this feeling after 5 rounds and one fet. Be kind to yourself and take time to recover xx

LisaHarada profile image
LisaHarada in reply to

Thank you Katrina. I'm just hoping life could be kinder and easier to us.

Hey lovely, I am so sorry it failed. I am in a similar position, round 5 just failed and I started bleeding 8dp5det, I too hoped it might be implantation - how wrong I was.

I don't think there is a magic fix. I think a good cry is in order but actually I haven't cried yet because I can't really bear the thought of it, and worried I won't stop if I start! I think there is a time for being positive and planning next steps as I think that really helps mentally, but for now I think its quite important to almost rebel against IVF life, dont exercise, make sure you neck alcohol or eat sushi or whatever it was that you couldn't do during IVF because you need to compensate for the failed round and try and feel like its actually ok (when it clearly isnt).. thats my only way of coping.. rebelling for a week treating myself and then gradually getting my head back together again and planning for the next round. Could you go away for the weekend? I think it really helps to have a change of scene too.

Lots of people have counselling to help, it wasn't my cup of tea but I really wish it was as I could do with someone to talk to! Maybe give that a go? Huge hugs xx

LisaHarada profile image
LisaHarada in reply to

Hey Daisy, thank you so much for responding to me and I am sorry you going through a rough time too. I love the idea of being an IVF rebel. I'm going to go for a long run today, have a really hot shower and pour myself a drink!

sazzle2680 profile image
sazzle2680

Hi Lisa, I’m in the same position. My 3rd transfer failed a couple weeks ago and I felt exactly like you do. So soooo confused about why it didn’t happen for me that round and what and where to go from here.

What I found super tough was when close friends and family asked “so what’s the next steps, when are you going again?”....all I could say was “I really don’t know and I’m going to need some time to work it out”. I really needed that space.

I had a follow up consultation with my Dr in Spain this week. The first things she said to me was that there was a 70-80% likelihood of pregnancy with each of my embryo transfers (because they’re double donor - to add insult to injury, my last transfer was a double) and how surprised she was that it’s hasn’t worked! I mean not the best comment to start and it really didn’t get any better from there. In fact it was awful. She clearly demonstrated she had no idea about the detail of my case and the things we had tried. I felt like just a file on her desk. In a way this was comforting for me as I had suspected as much.

She really couldn’t give me any reasons as to why it hadn’t worked and what she did say contradicted test results and conditions of the one time I did get an embryo to implant (sadly miscarried at 5+3)....I asked about whether I should have additional testing (hysteroscopy and/or hysterosonogram) as I’ve never had any investigations on my uterus other than an ERA, with repeated implantation failure and for the fact I’ve been perimenapausal for over 5 years surely it was sensible to take a look? She didn’t think so. Just pushed for me to do a REALLY expensive plasma “instillation” to regenerate lining...when actually the only time an embryo implanted was when my lining was at its thinnest...so lining being the sole reason behind implantation failure of all the subsequent embryos didn’t make sense in my head. I wasn’t convinced at all so she said “what do you want to do?”, what I am doing right now is getting a second opinion and tailored plan from a Dr at another clinic in the UK. He’s an expert in the field of implantation failure.xx

LisaHarada profile image
LisaHarada in reply to sazzle2680

Hey Sazzle, thank you so much for sharing this. It is comforting to know that someone going through the same challenges have mine has so much fighting spirit in her! I am sorry to hear about the idiots in the Spanish clinic. Would you be able to share the UK expert as I think that I would want to do that as well? It would be good to know if I do have a medical condition preventing implantation.

sazzle2680 profile image
sazzle2680 in reply to LisaHarada

Yeah absolutely, I’ll ping you a PM with details.

I was really down for a couple weeks. I’m pretty sure that’s normal, be kind to yourself. Nothing about our infertility journeys is either easy or fair. You’ll know when you’re in a frame of mind again and ready to ask challenging questions. Until then, sending you lots of virtual hugs.

Jinxy1979 profile image
Jinxy1979 in reply to sazzle2680

Hi sazzle.. im so sorry to hear what your going through.. and I really hope the UK doctor can help. I won’t go into our long story, but I was wondering if you’d mind pm’ing me the UK implantation specialist details please. I think it could be out nest steps too. Thanks and good luck xxx

sazzle2680 profile image
sazzle2680 in reply to Jinxy1979

Hi Jinxy, of course, will drop you a PM. Hope you’re doing OK. Hang in there.xx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5

I'm really sorry to hear that Lisa! I can sympathise having has so many failures myself. It does strike me that if you are bleeding before test day then you arent getting enough progesterone and the dose isnt high enough with is key for implantation in my opinion. I hope you have some nice treats planned for yourself. Hugs.xxx

Babyhope8 profile image
Babyhope8

I went thru this phase recently. I went off work completely . Plus got a counselling session free with ivf cycle so utilized that one. The thing which helped me was crying. I suddenly broke down in the mid of the day plus I broke down while talking to my social worker. Honestly I felt a sense of relief after that . Sharing with some one makes you feel lighter

Debbieduru profile image
Debbieduru

Sorry Lisa. I sympathize with you. Having gone through 2 failed cycles and 1 miscarriage myself. Be kind to yourself. After my 2nd failed cycle, I took a 6 month body cleanse and break to prepare my body for the next cycle. Please rest and take sometime off. Good luck xxx

ttcemmie profile image
ttcemmie

Really really sorry to hear this. Please remember it's nothing you have or haven't done. It can be just luck and chance, and...... shit. Definitely have a follow up consultation with your clinic, though, and try and get some answers or what they'd try differently for next time.... if there's any more tests they can do etc. But for now, just take care of yourself - do everything you want to do for you and anything that will cheer you up. Sending lots of love xxx

Ayesha1601 profile image
Ayesha1601

I'm so sorry. I have not been on this journey but my daughter is on cycle one. We think its worked and are awaiting a scan I was denied IVF 20 years ago as I had 2 birth children but I remarried and my husband had no birth children. The treatment was denied because I had children. I couldn't afford the treatment and tried insemination with donor sperm but following tests we both had infertility issues mine being secondary. We had to stop. My daughter is in a same sex relationship and she tried donor sperm for 3 years. Finally she went for IVF assessment and was told lesbians were not entitled for treatment because unless the AI was done in a clinic and there were 6 failed cycles at huge cost she couldn't prove she had fertility issues. I intend one day to oppose this because a straight couple are not asked to prove they have had failed NI. We were in the same boat of not able to afford the treatment again. My life was like a flash back. I went to family. I told them with my daughters consent. We had a family collection and raised the funds. It's so distressing when you have the love to want to share in being parents. My story is to tell you I understand your pain and you are in my thoughts. Be kind to yourself. Cry and heal. Use people's shoulders. (use mine anytime they have grown in width) The future is unknown but I'm sending you a whole lot of love. Xxxx

Carelia profile image
Carelia

Hello LisaHarada,

I hope the following perspective could be helpful;

Stats tell us that normal people need several rounds of IVF for it to work. 3 IVF rounds as the baseline (not 3 FETs or fresh transfers but actual rounds). Therefore, you are just at the baseline, not in any way out of normal. Have support around you and keep going :)

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