What do you tend to do when pregnancy... - Fertility Network UK

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What do you tend to do when pregnancy test is approaching post IVF / FET?

Peanutchips
Peanutchips

Hi all,

Just wondering what you guys tend to do around the time of your pregnancy test after IVF / FET?

We're getting requests to make plans around then, including a weekend away (which would be two days after the test) from people who don't know that we're going through IVF.

Last time it failed for us and I was in bits for days and had a horrible period when I came off the drugs so had to cancel any plans we had and call in sick to work.

So hard to know what to do. Hate that IVF takes over everything!

Just interested to know how you all manage this I guess. All the best to anyone testing today / soon xx

27 Replies
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It’s so hard isn’t it.

Personally I don’t make plans in case. It’s been a very boring few years! X

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to Nat246

Yes, I think that’s probably sensible. It’s so crap having to factor in time to be sad, isn’t it. Are you doing FET this month? Xx

Nat246
Nat246 in reply to Peanutchips

I’m doing fresh this month you? X

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to Nat246

FET pencilled in on the 8th. Sending loads of luck for your fresh cycle this month, hope you’re feeling ok on meds 🍀 xx

Nat246
Nat246 in reply to Peanutchips

Thank you. All the best for your FET xx

Probably it’s best to avoid making these kind of plans, just in case... Obviously I hope you’ll have your BFP! I tend to book holidays abroad months in advance but this year I think I might just go somewhere by car, so it can be spontaneous xxx

Yes, I think perhaps being spontaneous is the best way! Xx

Hey, I personally found that planning something ‘nice’ helped me. But in my case I kept it just for hubby and I so booked a small weekend away. That way we would either be celebrating or having something nice to distract us/remind us of the other things in life. Appreciate it’s expensive etc and may not be possible but I had my first failure early defemeber and then had a weekend booked away in UK and for us it really helped. I def think being something where you don’t have to act/pretend to be fine is useful though so agree that not meeting friends that don’t know might be the best choice xx

Fingers crossed you have positive news xxx

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I think that’s the problem really, worrying about being with people where we’d need to hide how we feel if it doesn’t work again. It’s exhausting! I think maybe we’ll keep time free for just us, hard to imagine a positive result but guess it’s a possibility! 😊 xx

If you can leave it to last minute to book then I would do that, see how you feel. It annoys my friends that I’m non committal to plans in advance at times but I just tell them to plan without me and if I can add myself in last minute I will. I don’t say why or make up some work/money related excuse. I always let other half decide if they want to commit or wait with me to last minute. No use us both missing out on things of it can be helped. That being said I also try not to put my life on hold for IVF and the ‘what if I’m pregnant by then’ thoughts because if I did that I would have missed out on a lot of plans over the last 4-5years 😂 But tings I know will likely be during or around 2ww are a bit different for me. Good luck xx

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to Twiglet2

Thanks Twiglet, sounds like you have a sensible plan going on. So hard juggling apts etc and also having to factor time in to pick ourselves up if things don’t work. Do you tell friends when you’re doing treatment? Xxx

Twiglet2
Twiglet2 in reply to Peanutchips

No I tell my sister only. Who helps cover family excuses for me and even Sneakily drinks my drinks for me at family events so I don’t to have to say ‘I’m not drinking’ and get peoples hopes up 🙈. Even then I’ve stopped being too specific with her so she doesn’t know when 2ww etc is. I don’t like the pressure of feeling like I will let others down .... when there is enough pressure of disappointing ourselves of hat makes sense? But that just my personal preference. So yeah my friends are annoyed, some know we are trying from years ago but dont know specifics So they might piece it together themselves that we are having treatment. I’m not bothered though if they think I’m the flaky one for a while with plans ... I will explain it all one day when we are finally pregnant 😊xxx

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to Twiglet2

That’s great that your sister is able to help you out! Love that she drinks your drinks too. I’ve found some good non alcoholic beers that don’t look non alcoholic. My mum knows, but she’s the only one, rest of my family don’t. Some friends know but not all, and I prefer people not to know the specific dates if I can get away with it. I know EXACTLY what you mean about the pressure of disappointing. Glad you’ve made peace with having to be vague with plans. I really hate how much treatment takes over your life! Fingers crossed we both get BFPs soon xxx

Hiya, we had booked a trip abroad in august well I advance (as we thought we would have done our first cycle back in March pre covid!) I’m starting downregulation tomorrow with transfer at the end of July and we will know if it’s worked or not a few days before our holiday. We are looking at it as a trip to celebrate (hesitantly!!) or to keep us distracted!

This will be my first cycle but I know I will prefer to be away from work and keeping myself busy and distracted if it doesn’t work but it just depends on what you prefer yourself xx

Thanks Penguin. Are you going just the two of you? That’s sounds like a nice way to do it, as no pretending needed. And hopefully you’ll be celebrating!! All the best with your cycle xx

Yes it’ll just be us which is how I’d prefer it particularly if it doesn’t work! Thank you so much and the same for you too hun xxx

I need at least a week to collect myself after a failed IVF! It's fine if we're with friends or family who know what we're going through, but I've even started taking the time off work now as I just can't face it. It's got harder the longer the journey has gone on, though, for me. x

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to ttcemmie

I know what you mean. I was a wreak for a good week last time. Really hard and tiring being around people who don’t know what you’re going through. Sorry it’s getting harder and harder for you. Are you starting another cycle soon? Xx

ttcemmie
ttcemmie in reply to Peanutchips

August. Can't wait!

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to ttcemmie

Not far to go, that’s good! All the best with it x

Dont want to sound depressing but on our 2nd round don't know why but we booked a lil weekend away to Brighton...love being by water...didnt have enough time off work to book anywhere more glamorous...it was the worst thing we did...we both thought it would work so decided to treat ourselves...we did the test there after lunch...it didn't work and we just wanted to be at home in our own surroundings. Everyone's different I guess...xx

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to Hartley1

Oh Hartley, I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s so hard. Yes, think keeping time free to grieve is seeming more and more wise. Are you starting another cycle soon? Xx

Hartley1
Hartley1 in reply to Peanutchips

Thanks so much for your thoughts...I had 3rd cycle at home (aug2017) which also failed...that was all embryos used up and felt so lost..had a huge break from it all as had to find a new clinic and new tests new treatments... actually restarted in feb 2018.and 4th cycle (feb2020) was positive...after 11 yrs of married life...im finally pregnant...21 weeks today :) had to make loads of changes...started nov 2019 with yoga supplements acupuncture...hubby had to lose weight to improve his quality which he did and obviously took a long time as we were referred to another specialist in that time. We were lucky and blessed...thats why I say dont lose hope...it took us a long time but we finally got there...and at one point he even said i cant take it anymore 4th is last...but he is so incredibly happy now...was worth it...xxx

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to Hartley1

OMG that’s awesome news! I’m so sorry, sounds like you really went through the mill to get there but so pleased you got your happy ending. How wonderful! Hope your pregnancy is going well? Did you do anything different for this cycle or do you think it’s numbers game? Xx

Hartley1
Hartley1 in reply to Peanutchips

Yup looking back we did...changed to a better acupuncturist, biggest one was I took time out from work, we both took some supplements recommended from it starts with the egg by Rebecca fett, had a shorter protocol with totally different drugs, had intralipids infusion after egg collection which helps with nk cells and implantation, hubby lost 2.5 stone in weight through a weight loss programme Lipotrim I sold in my pharmacy (lose a stone a month), I joined the gym and took up yoga and hired a weekly PT to get fit and eat better...more good fats eg avocados more protein...I also forced myself to drink 3litres of water...which was recommended by our clinic after transfers...before wasn't even getting in 2litres. Good luck xxx

I made plans after my cycle because I had a feeling I would want to be distracted. I got a negative and - after one day of being very upset - enjoyed doing the things I had planned. Then I went home in the evenings and allowed myself time to be sad. It worked for me but everyone is different with these things. I also hate this taking over everything.

Peanutchips
Peanutchips in reply to Bosa19

So pleased having distractions worked for you lovely. It’s so hard! Xx

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