embarrassing question : I am saying... - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

37,585 members47,321 posts

embarrassing question

shia001 profile image

I am saying sorry in advance if this question annoy anybody and I know we all are struggling to be parents and we all put so much efforts in it. I am facing a v serious issue with my partner from the time I got pregnant and that is ,’Sex’ . I tried to avoid it as I was v v worried to have miscarriage as I had miscarriage when I was pregnant last time and now this time when I got preg I wanted not to have sex to avoid anything what can create problem but he keep doing it once after two days or stuff , then a week ago I bleed but it was not that much but little bit and my midwife said me not to have sex and we stopped for a week and now again he is giving me lot of stress that me ignoring him about this is creating trouble in our relationship etc, please guide me that is it safe to do it while preg as I am around 11 weeks now or what should I do and how can I control this as I love him so much but ofcourse I don’t want to harm my baby, please guys help me as I know it’s completely ridiculous but I am in this stress situation from so long and today he got v angry and I asked from midwife but she said it will be our own responsibility if we do it incase

19 Replies

To be honest, you need to simply ask him... is it worth risking your baby's health for 10 or 20 mins worth of pleasure?? To be honest I understand men have needs, but when unfortunately you have miscarried in the past... and a baby is something I presume he desperately wants. He should realise that putting your baby at risk just so he can get pleasured isn't on. He should understand and take on board your

Midwife said no sex. I don't want to sound rude, but most men... in that situation would take that advice on board and then say....... can you help pleasure me instead if we can't have sex then. It's quite silly that he's getting upset with u over this.

If i was you I would stand my ground, and say no sex. Because your midwife said no... and then it's up to him if he wants u to help pleasure him in other ways or if not. Tell him to pleasure himself lol

Hope that helps.. sorry if I came across very straight up. But I just think it's disguisting that he's making it a big issue. You don't need the stress, it's hard enough to get pregnant. And then this is unnecessary drama.

Lool after yourself and stay strong. X


If the midwife has told you no sex then that’s as simple as that! He totally should be onboard with that as it’s his baby too. He shouldn’t be causing you stress At this time and that’s hardly a turn on for you in anycase!

Depending on how long you don’t want to have sex for you can do other ‘bits’ without having to have sex, that might be a compromise?

Anyway good luck with your pregnancy luv xxx

I’m sorry to hear you’re being put under stress. Nobody should ever feel under pressure to have sex, let alone when pregnant. I can tell you straight up I’ve not had sex with my partner since before my egg collection and the guy must be bursting, bless him. However, he’s not once questioned it and when I actually highlight the fact because I feel a bit bad he says “don’t be silly you’re carrying our child and I wouldn’t want you to feel or be uncomfortable”.

Remember there are other ways to ‘relieve’ your partner without full blown intercourse.

I actually get quite uptight knowing some men get ‘riled up’ about it. Yes they have needs, but get over it and wait till you’re both happy to have sex. It’s a two way thing.

Sorry I’m blunt but I feel quite strongly about this sort of thing. Especially when it’s your body that’s been through the ivf and now carrying the child.

Sending hugs, it can’t be nice but remember you’re doing what you’ve been advised and for the safety of your child. These things can wait! X

I will apologise now for my response because it will be straight to the point x but your husband is an adult. If he has an itch then he needs to scratch it himself. For what you've been through already on your journey, he should be listening to your midwife's professional advice and listening to you as it's you and your body that has been through all the hard work and continues to do so. I don't think it is fair or very nice of him to put you under pressure to effectively choose between pleasuring him and the safety of your unborn child. It is selfish of him. Maybe if he wasn't putting you under this pressure you would want to pleasure each other in other ways. Let's face it, he could pleasure you in ways that don't involve sex and risk to your baby. If you don't want sex, don't do it xx

This is simple... do you want to have sex? If the answer is no because the mid wife said not to and because you are worried it will harm the baby (which it sounds like this is how you feel) then he just needs to respect that. End of. If he can’t he knows where the door is! Good luck xx

Hello Shia, sorry that you are are out in that positon. My husband wanted to have sex 1 day after embryo transfer in my IVF process and I said no. But he got really frustrated and upset and I gave in the next day. Nevertheless the IVF was unsuccessful, the embryo failed to implant and deep down I wonder if it was too soon to have vigorous activity. My thought on this is it will be hard as sometimes our partner are not as worried as us and they might not understand a lot of our emotions are riding on this. But at times we have to be a bit selfish and think of our own needs. I will be stronger the next time, and in the mean time I hope you get the strength to do so as well and not feel guilty or beat yourself up about it. You deserve to be happy as you have tried so hard. Lots of hugs..

Me and my partner still have sex have done since I was 3 weeks pregnant it can’t harm the baby it was the first question I asked when had transfer all she said was wait for the 2ww was over then will be fine to do so, but if you don’t feel like it then your partner shouldn’t push at you and should understand x

I was in a similar situation. Had a MC 3 days after sex last time and was terrified of it happening again, especially after all we had been thru.

This time I waited until I was mentally ready...I didnt enjoy it at all and couldnt wsit for it to be over, but that feeling has eased.

If hes wanting sex, theres lots you can do without having intercourse, or if hes not happy tell him to go have some fun with lady palm and her 5 lovely sisters! You shouldn't be made to feel forced into having sex, especially with your partner and especially when you're pregnant.

Hope you get sorted xx

you shouldn't be forced to feel like you have to have sex regardless if your pregnant or not. let alone when you've faced fertility issues to get this far. id be questioning if I'd even want to be with someone like that! tell him to do one, you've got more than his needs to think about x

Hi, After reading this thread I am wondering whether I am doing the wrong thing: since I don’t know when I ovulate, E just have sex every other day throughout the cycle with my husband. So I potentially had sex several times since ovulation. I am rather passive (he does most of the exercise). Is there a risk of losing the baby in the event we conceived naturally this cycle?

Not at all. You’re doing the exact right thing to maximise your chances of conceiving. Sex during pregnancy is perfectly fine and of no risk to the baby unless a medical professional specifically advises you otherwise. You’d definitely be fine if it was just at the earliest days of the pregnancy anyway embryos are hardy little things generally. I think midwives tends to say don’t have sex when you bleed when pregnant because sometimes you have a more sensitive cervix that can bleed easier from inter course during pregnancy. It doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any harm to the baby but it’s just better to be safer and more so to avoid any unnecessary anxiety that comes with having little bleeds. I had little bleeds while pregnant and did not have sex so bleeding also isn’t necessarily related to sex. I think the original poster should follow her midwives advice but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Hope that helps. x

Poor u.....this just isn’t what u need after the stress of fertility treatment.

I’m struggling to understand if he’s just being a bloke and chancing his arm on a regular basis or (correct me if I’m wrong) being a bit of a bully. Have u had a frank conversation with him about how this is making you feel?

To me the answer to this question is simple: If the midwife said not to as it risks your unborn child....don’t do it.

Me and my partner did have sex after transfer and throughout my first pregnancy because we wanted to and I wasn’t told not to.

If my partner was pestering me to the point of making me distressed I’d be having serious words.

Like others have said there are other ways of pleasuring each other but that would be when I wanted to and when I wasn’t feeling pressured or bullied into it. Hope you ok. Xx

No means no. You and baby's safety takes priority over short term pleasure. I'm so moody now a days if that was my husband's demands, especially after knowing midwife said no, I'd tell him where there door was. No one deserves that type of bullying during a precious and delicate period. Sending you lots of love and hope he changes his attitude.

shia001 profile image
shia001 in reply to Rella22

Thanks guys for your suggestions and concerns, actually he been reading online that it’s fine to have sex after pregnancy and then he try to convince me and we been having sex all the way from the day we done embryo transfer, it’s just I bleed a week ago and that morning he took few hours and then midwife wanted to talk to him and I told him complete ‘No’ and now from last few days again he started asking me and when I ask midwife she told me not to have sex until the next scan and then can do but not v often but he started saying that I am putting our relationship on risk and I told him that if you don’t care about me and this baby then go and do it outside and we are nothing to do with each other and then he is calm and said I can wait , I can’t understand men and I think they are not that sensitive rather they go with their own emotions, anyways may God Almighty bless us what we all want and relieve our pains and miseries, xxx

Well done for standing your ground 😘

😊 Thankyou keepingfaith85

Hi Shia,

I agree with everyone who has posted here and very well done to you for addressing this issue with your partner. I hope you don’t mind me posting the following. The behaviour you are describing made me think about coercive control. Posting a couple of links just so you can check this isn’t the situation you find yourself in.



Women’s Aid is a really good organisation if you think you do need further support. This can happen to anyone.

Sending you love & hugs. 💕

shia001 profile image
shia001 in reply to FluffyPink

Thankyou Fluffypink

shia001 profile image
shia001 in reply to shia001


You may also like...