Well this is shit. Don't understand this at all. Was quietly confident about getting a positive result all the way up until yesterday when the spotting was still happening. This morning - negative test result and bleeding. No chance of come back from that. It's negative. Very negative.
With all the positives recently, too, I thought I was going to be one of those. I've been trying for a baby since my 20s, healthy, no major specific issues. I just really don't understand what I'm supposed to do. Far in the future when we're allowed back to fertility clinics, I will be asking my clinic to do more testing in to why it's not implanting these last three cycles. My first one implanted just fine.
Very distraught, as you can imagine. Was fine being in lockdown when I was protecting my embryo, but now lockdown is probably going to be awful. Although, will be useful for not seeing colleagues and staying in and crying.
To top it off I have a Stork delivery of drugs coming later to keep me topped up in case I was pregnant.
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I'm so gutted for you to hear this emmie. Its hurts so much and leaves you feeling helpless. I'd say asking for tests is a good idea. I have to push for them with my clinic. Hopefully you'll get some answers. Hope we can all try again ASAP xx
Yes. I just have no idea what's going wrong. Really thought this would be the one (always think that). There doesn't seem to be any reason for me not getting pregnant. It's not fair. (The usual thoughts). x
So sorry for your BFN, I used embrayo glue after my 2nd circle failed last December, and am 12weeks + maybe you give it a trial on your next circle, sending you some 🤗🤗🤗
Oh no Emmie, I am so so sorry was really hoping this would be your time 💔 theres no words it is just shit. Hopefully you can have a Skype follow up conversation soon that will enable you to ask all your questions and see what they can do for next time. Sending you a big hug xxxx
I know 😥 I dont understand it either, it's so frustrating 😘😘💗
Oh no 😢I’m so sorry Hun, I was really hoping for you 💔I’m so tired of IVF, the whole process is crap. I’ve always thought with IVF we would have had more control and the help of science would have changed things considerably, yet everyone never seems to know what goes wrong and how to fix it. So frustrating to say the least.
IVF is shit. I have no understanding of why I'm not pregnant yet. They just put it in there and hope for the best. The only sure bit is knowing that the egg is fertilised. Past that, it's pretty useless! You're right - and then they have no idea why it hasn't worked. Sigh. Going to amend my Sainsbury's order for Sunday to include wine. xxxxx
I don’t remember if you’re with the NHS or private? Mine is private and I don’t understand why they don’t offer further testing which could help, I’m paying so they’ll make more money but no! They just prefer to transfer and see what happens...here you go, see what happened? I can’t even drink wine until at least tomorrow 😡f that.
It's private. They're good.... it's just this seems to be the standard way of doing things: have no idea why things aren't working out and keep trying? Why can't you drink wine until tomorrow?! x
This is the same for me - last review appointment: they were just like it's a numbers game/game of chance. But the stats..... would have expected to be pregnant by now. Just have to be patient and try again (but will be asking for more testing, more thoughts etc.)
I'm not sure if mine are just old crappy embryos with poor sperm as I did get pregnant last cycle. Ivf is pure mental torture. I hope we all get our miracles soon xx
I am so sorry Emmie this is such difficult news always and even more so now. It’s so frustrating to not know why our bodies do this and crave for the answers. I’m sending you lots of love at such a difficult time. Xxx
I had the same result on Wednesday, and its a shit feeling it was our first round and only had 2 embryos which were both put back so no feozen ones to try again. spoke to the clinic and they just told me to stop taking my medication which i have.
Its bad coz you have no control over any of it you just have to hope for the best.
Sorry about your result on Wednesday Amy. It is really hard. I also have no frozens from this round (which I found shocking, but assumed it just meant this was really meant to be - obviously not). Having a negative IVF round, with all the work that goes in to, is just awful. We might as well just be trying naturally without getting pregnant! Doing IVF is supposed to take out a lot of the uncertainty, but 4 rounds in and it's starting to not feel like that at all. x
I was thinking about you last night thinking it was your test date today and I’m truly gutted for you. I no you not okay but with time it will get easier I don’t no what to say to make you feel better☹️ it really is all unfair, being in lockdown doesn’t help but try see the positives you can focus on yourself not have to see other people with there silly questions and be cosy at home while you deal with this💖 always here if you ever need me 💖
Thanks Sorax. Yeah, lockdown isn't that bad, I guess. I DO like being at home. It just would have been a lot better if I was pregnant. Would have felt super safe and snuggly and doing the best I can for my family. Lockdown is a perfect time to be pregnant really......
Thanks Nat. We've actually got some (terrible) wine at home at the moment that we made with our own grapes. It's not quite ready, but if I can't wait until Sunday for our shop.......
It will be a long time before we can try again on the IVF front, unfortunately, but we will of course try naturally. xxx
So sorry to read this - you are right it is all so horrible and I think it gets worse as the rounds go on. Wine is definitely the way forward - huge hugs xx
Thanks Daisy. Each round is definitely harder than the last. The first round I went in to without worrying about it at all almost! And it's good to hear other ladies saying wine is a good idea. Means I can show the messages to my husband to show him it's advice from a fertility forum! x
We decided with the combination of our recent failed round and also lockdown that we will enjoy a couple of weeks of free flowing alcohol and food that’s not so good for us before getting back on the healthy wagon - you so deserve it too xx
Oh Emmie Im so sorry. It almost feels worse when you've allowed yourself secretly be hopeful about a positive, which we need to be sometimes. But then it gets you out the blue.
I also had a stork delivery (to keep me going just in case) on the day I knew it was a BFN. It really sux.
I'm always hopeful, which is maybe the problem. I am always practically blindsided (even on a normal month when my period comes). The stork delivery will be useful for the next round at least.... Lots of love back xxxx
Im so sorry Emmie! All those negatives do get to you, I know how you feel. Its hard looking for answers as to why this doesnt work....I think Ive tried everything! Massive hugs, its a difficult time as it is so cosy in at home and take care.xx
Thanks Cinderella. I know you've been through the lot! Maybe you can give me some advice as how to push forward with my clinic for answers/tests etc. going forward as I don't think I can just keep trying and seeing. Lots of love xxxx
Oooh Im not sure what to suggest! Its a mine field of stuff out there and all very expensive. Ive had a hysteroscopy in which they found scar tissue that was removed. They added in blood thinners to help with blood flow to my uterus and a slight clotting issue. I had immunes done but to be honest nothing much came of it but asked for steriods anyway (they werent keen but agreed to let me try them) and my consultant decided to move to giving me 6 days of progesterone that's when we got out first positive but lost it spontaneously at 6wks. Roll on to the next positive and when I got my hCG done they asked me to check my progesterone levels and it was soooo low.....only 19nmol/l which explained my previous loss and that one too. I now have my progesterone upped from 800mg of cyclogest per day to add in lubion injections every 2nd day and levels checked before tranfser. However I then got another negative and my clinic suggested my ERA/EMMA/ALICE test. So it turns out my consultants gut feeling of moving to day 6 of progesterone was right as I need 144 +/- 3 hours hours of progesterone. This also made a lot of sense as I checked when exactly my positives were done just on the brink of being a little too early or too late. I know we got a negative on our last cycle after timing exaclty at 144 hours but in all honesty our embryos were probably not right even although they looked good on paper, its likely they werent chromosomally normal as hubbys sperm sample was so bad.....really bad. The only thing I havent done is PGS testing which Im not keen on. I guess there are some things in there you could ask about or have a think about. Give me a shout if you want to pick my brains.xx
Thanks Cinders. I had a hysteroscopy in January to check things out. I'm on blood thinners and progesterone pessaries (which I assume most people are on). Should I ask them to check my progesterone levels? Although, my pregnancy a year ago stuck no problem.... Is immunes a good one to get done? What's ERA/EMMA/ALICE testing? I feel like you might have mentioned this before, but I just can't remember. I'm also not keen on PGS testing, and we don't get enough embryos to really do that on anyway.... Would def love to pick your brains.... maybe we take this to the messenger/chat thing.
I always thought I was on enough progesterone and it turns out I wasnt however I know you have had a missed miscarriage in the past so maybe that isnt the case with you. In saying that a blood test before transfer doesnt cost too much. Have you asked about steriods? To be honest I didnt think the immunes was worth the money and some other may recommend NK cell biopsies, I didnt bother and decided to just take the steriods as my clinic relented after I begged them. I put my results of my test on an old post of mine. Ive pasted a link below re the era/alice/emma.
It doesnt cost much more to add in the other two so might be worth just getting all done at the same time if you're having the biopsy anyway! Worth asking your consultant about.xx
Oh Emmie, I’m so sorry to hear this. I had high hopes for you this round as well 💔 I agree, definitely ask for more tests to try and understand why you’re not implanting. Can you get a Skype call arranged do you don’t have to wait too long?
IVF is so shit. No one warms you about the insane lows you get after so many weeks/months of hoping. I’m so sorry.
Take care of yourself lovely and enjoy all the things that haven’t been allowed recently (food/drink etc)
A Skype review consultation is a good idea, thank you. IVF is really shit. Not a magic cure that's for sure. With all the work going in to it, I would expect it to work at some point! We've been waiting for this cycle since last November, so it's be a long time planning and hoping and working towards. Will definitely enjoy myself for a while now. Sigh. xxx
Thanks Sunshine. Collating the ladies' messages saying that I should have wine to show my husband so he doesn't think an IVF cycle has failed and I'm immediately an alcoholic! xxxx
Oh no Emmie you deserved this so much to be positive! So sorry to read this. I hope your SO is quarantined with you so you can take care of each other. Here is to a better days for all here suffering. Stay strong❤️
Thanks Mimisami. Husband and I have been quarantined since a week before the government told us to (I knew it was worse than they were saying and wanted to be careful!) and that has been bliss to be honest. We both love being at home and each other's company, so that has been great. Here's for better days for all! x
Awh no !?!?! 😭😣😔😟😣😖😫😩🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 I so wanted a big fat bloody p for you ! This process is hateful ! Such torture for nothing , often just NOTHING! Each time we hope, each time ..... pain . You poor pet . It’ll be a few days before it really hits.... but you know ..... you’ve been here before and it sucks. Again .....😖💐
I recommend wine , gin , hot baths 🛀 etc . Feels like a rebellion against it all. I’ve also found making random things with ingredients is fun .👌🏻💖💖💖
Add some flour etc and bake yourself something 😘
Hugs and hugs this day .
Don’t worry about the lockdown thing . You are safe and are protecting the nhs and everyone’s loved ones.
Thanks RhinoCat. A lot of work and emotions for nothing, that's for sure. I do feel good about our efforts in lockdown, though, that is helping people for sure! There is no way I'm going to go out and help coronavirus spread itself around. Got our second stage of our second batch of wine making today and we'll go out for a walk in the countryside (5 mins walk from home - think that's allowed). Lots of love. xxx
So sorry to hear this. I was really rooting for you. BFN after BFN is just soul destroying! I hope you manage to find some answers. It can be so hard going round after round and not really knowing why it isn’t working. Take care lovely and enjoy that well deserved wine xxx
Thanks Picalilli. Especially after getting pregnant on the first round, I just keep expecting it to work again. You're right, we really do need some help with some answers as I can't just keep going through this blind. xxxx
I hear you. We’ve managed to get pregnant 6 times naturally. But lost them all. Had tests done but found no issues. We have done 5 fresh cycles but haven’t had a sniff of a BFP doing IVF, which is really tough. It seems likely that there may be a number of factors affecting our success. But unfortunately I think there is just so much they don’t know about fertility, and so they often cannot give us the definitive answers we so desperately want. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate there are lots of tests and often they can help people get to the bottom of their issues. But I also think sometimes there will be some cases where we cannot know for sure and accepting this has helped me to cope with it all a little. Sorry I’m not saying this to be negative, just the reality of some of us who have been at it for such a long time with no success despite trying lots of different things. However, I truly hope that is not the case for you and that your clinic can support you with further tests and in trying something new. Lots of luck moving forward lovely xxx
Really sorry about all your losses. I do agree they can do tests and may not be able to find the issue. IVF science just isn't that advanced yet. But I would like to try! 😊 Obviously giving this my all..... xxxx
Thank you. Having a family means such a lot we have to give it our all don’t we! And good on you. I hope you can get a skype/telephone follow up consultation booked in soon so that you can start to develop a plan for moving forward. Wishing you the best of luck xxxx
I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. It's absolutely shit. There aren't really any words to do it justice. Just try to look after yourself. Will be thinking of you xx
Been really thinking of you and hoping you were going to get a great result today, so very sorry!! 😔 You deserve a lot better. So clearly a lovely and kind person. This whole process is so unfair. Glad you have a caring SO to look after you today. Lots of wine!!!👍xxxx
I'm so sorry Emmie, it hurts so much when you have your hopes up but it's always good to hope ❤️ There are lots of tests you can have though so there's plenty that can be done and often it's just a numbers game. I'm sure it will happen for you , please keep being your positive self 😘
So sorry to here this, nothing anyone says will make you feel better, and when people say time is a healer, it’s not in this situation, cuz your always feel empty until this part of your life is filled. I know... Iv felt it. Definitely push for more tests. Sending you so much love, xxx
Oh no Emmie I’m so sorry to read this was really hoping this time would be your time 😔 nothing I can say that won’t make you hurt less but sending you a huge big hug, so hard when there is no reason😔 just seen your below post re embryo glue - we paid for the time lapse incubator and embryo glue last time - was told a beautiful embryo which of course to my ears I was home dry! Foolish nieve me! and it still didn’t stick! After reading about the embryo needs to hatch I did wonder to myself well if you use glue but the embryo needs to hatch anyway then how does the glue help? A question I keep meaning to google! I just hope when you have your follow up they can answer some questions for you 😔 xx
Thanks for the hugs. That's a good point about embryo glue! Does the glue stop it from hatching?! Who knows?! I also will try and remember to Google that! Or ask an expert. Hopefully the follow up will help. xxxx
Hi, I am sorry to hear that! It is v upsetting. I totally understand how you are feeling. I was in the same boat and had a failed first cycle in Dec and didn't know what went wrong. Perhaps you could look into an ERA or extra testing eg NKcells etc during your next cyle. Sending you big hugs. Take care! X
Oh god sweet ttcemmie I’m so sorry. God this is so difficult and such a painful lonely journey but your not alone, not here! I know we are all virtual friends here but I’m here if you need to pm. I’ve had 6 m/c so I know how it feels. Breathe breathe breathe. Time will be your best friend. Do whatever for as long as you need. Perhaps as you say lockdown might be a blessing where you can self love and think and be quiet and hibernate and meditate and deal with it all. Pm me whenever you want i mean it xxxx
Thanks Corchi. Thanks for you love. Hate this journey, but it is what it is. I'm willing to keep going. Really appreciate all the support from lovely ladies like yourself. xxxxxxxxx
Emmie, so sad to read that it has not worked out for you this time. I am sure you have so many mixed feelings just now.
I began to resent the time that I had invested in waiting and waiting for the cycle as well as the time I spent pumping myself full of medication. However I am also grateful that I got the chance to give it a go before my hospital had to stop taking in new cycles due to Covid19.
Who knows when some clinics will start getting up and running again.
For now, all we can do is sit tight and take good care of ourselves. Make sure you do
Thanks Dinah. I am also very grateful to have got the chance to go through this round and find out the result. It would have been much more devastating to not even have had the chance. Sitting tight. Staying safe. 😊 xxxx
Thanks BetsyBo. That's really sweet to hear. It is bloody awful, agreed. And the one word that always hits me: unfair. How's everything going with you? Did you get to EC? Transfer? xxxx
Aww, can’t believed you even remember with everything you’ve got going on. You’re so lovely.
Yes, thank you- we made it. It was touch and go but we were the last couple before they stopped them. We’ve got three in the freezer now waiting for us for when the world gets back to normal.
So grateful to have got to this point and now actually pleased for the break.
Take good care of yourself hun. Do whatever it is you need to do to honour this loss, but also give yourself some time and space to heal.
You’re amazing, strong and resilient. You got this xxx
So so glad you got through and have three in the freezer!!!!! Amazing news.
🤞🤞🤞 for the world getting back to normal. For all of us! Even our none-fertility problems people! I am beyond hoping that TTC naturally will be fruitful.... but we'll see. Thank you - I will honour this loss. I do appreciate that this community sees it as a loss. A fertilised embryo is fully a loss to me! Moving forward..... lots of love xxxx
Really sorry that the outcome wasn’t a positive one. This whole process is so difficult as we allow ourselves to feel hopeful when actually the process is such a gamble and so much outside of our control that it can really takes its toll. I hope next time is different for you. Hugs...x
Thanks Tiddy. It's just hard when I don't understand why it fails and it seems that nothing I do can affect the outcome. But we all know what that's like.... Hugs. x
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