I had a good nights sleep all considering, I woke up at 5am. I thought I’d be in pain during the night (so I took a paracetamol just after dinner), but I wasn’t. No bleeding at all.
When I woke up I thought how quickly my body has reset: my breast has shrunk and gone back to normal, the bloating has gone (I have the flattest tummy ever!), my energies are back (still a bit weak due to the op but nothing compared to when I was pregnant) 💔
It’s all so quick. Monday morning I woke up pregnant and by Wednesday I lost everything. Symptoms included.
I’m taking it as a fact that my body is trying to help me get back to normality, to who I was before this happened, back to the 6th February, the day before my first ever BFP.
It’ll take a lot longer for my mind and heart to follow suit 💔💔💔💔💔I’m starting to not wanting to cry in front of hubby, he’s been crying so much and when he sees me cry I can see he’s distraught and trying to stay strong but ends up crying like crazy too. I don’t want to hurt him even more.
I had a little cry in the bathroom, I don’t want to keep crying though. I can’t go back in time, only forward. 💪🏻❤️
Sending love to you all ❤️Thank you for always being here for me!
Aw you’re so brave. Be kind to yourself. It’s a lot to process. But keep looking forward not back. We all have to keep the faith and keep going xx take care
Happy to hear you're healing: mind, body, and spirit. This is tough, but you'll get through it, and will be a tougher person. Yay! Just what you've always wanted..... Lots of love. We're here for you. xxxx
Oh darling, this is what I did too. I used to hide, often cry in the shower on in a different room. My husband hates to see me in pain or in tears so I always have to hide when I have something wrong. You will see that probably he will get back to normal way before you. If you need a cry and a talk you can call me! I hope you have good support from other people around?
Look at you, already strong and looking forward! 💕
You’re so sweet! To be honest, we are a little lonely...with our families in Italy, I couldn’t even FaceTime my mum & dad these days, it’s too hard to even see them on a screen. I just called them. We didn’t tell our friends, only work bosses which are not exactly friends (although hubby is much closer to them than me to mine) ...we were waiting to be over the first trimester 😢.
I got you guys to talk too ❤️Hubby just got me...xxx
I told some people after the miscarriage because I wasn’t in the mood to see anyone or joke and stuff for a while. I was miserable and I didn’t want them to think I’m a b**** so I had to tell them and that helped. I want that pregnancy to be recognised somehow, and I don’t want it to be forgotten. In fact I expect my close and family friends to do so. I have my husband’s family here although they were not much help. I guess people don’t really know how to help, and believe they are helping by avoiding it all. I regret telling some people, for example I have a pregnant friend who asked me twice in the last 2 months ‘Do you guys have any good news? Are you pregnant?’ which I find just stupid and annoying.
Only the people here on this forum really understood how I was feeling and helped me a lot! I will always be grateful 💕
Yes I agree, only ladies on here are SO supportive and I’m SO grateful for you all! OMG that friend of yours 😡when people ask me stupid questions I play their game and reply with another question, like: ‘do you guys have good news?’ Reply:’do you?’ Just revert the stupid question to them...maybe they’ll realise it’s stupid. Ps:I bet this friend is italian- the inappropriateness of Italians on asking embarrassing questions is genetic!!!(in the uk, usually the first question is how much do you earn lol) xx
I don’t feel brave Kibo, I just feel....unlucky and at the same time ungrateful 🙈💔and weak, angry with the world and with myself...thinking I always push to get what I want because I’m built that way, but I’m not sure in this case it’s what I should keep doing...I don’t think I can win against nature, or fate 💔maybe it’s just not my fate to be a mum 💔
I promise you that fate and nature are not against you and your chance to be a mum is far from over. You might not feel brave but we all think you’re incredibly brave. You don’t have to have all the answers right now, and that’s ok. For now, you just need to give yourself time to hurt, all the time you need, there’s no right amount. Cry when you need to, scream if you feel like it, spend the day, or the week in bed if you want to. Just let yourself do what you need to right now xxx
Hey I haven’t been on here for a while. So sorry to see this sad news. You are so nice to everyone and encouraging I hope you know that everyone is here for you now.
I’m glad you think that way Mimi, I don’t see it 💔💋
in reply to
You will feel better promise. Because that is how Karma works. Even if one person truly wishes you all the very best you will get that. Keep your head up high love ❤️
Oh lovely the symptoms do disappear so quickly dont they, its so sad?! You body is recovering well but yes it takes some time for the rest to follow. I did the same as you, I kind of went into combat mode that I had to look after my hubby as we was in such a bad way. It kind of helped me carry on but the tears eventually did come hard and fast. Try not to keep them to yourself, it does help to cry together and mourn for your lost little one. Lots of love.xxx
So quickly hun 😢my baby has been dead inside me for nearly 2 weeks, which makes sense...it’s been enough time for my body to respond to that I guess....but my brain didn’t know...and that’s the worst part 💔
Must be so difficult. I think its lovely how you both are worried abt the other...it's natural but lovely. I think its ok for you to cry...take your time...! I'm sure time will allow you to be the person you were before 6th Feb...for now take one day at a time. I'm so sorry to hear abt what you're going through...heart breaking. You'll be in a positive place again...pregnant again...your body has done it once...xxx good luck hun always here if you want to talk
Glad you managed to get some sleep. I cannot imagine what you are going through... but can I just say, I’ve been following your posts and you sound like an amazing lady, the strength you have is unbelievable.
Thank you Chloe ☺️💋I appreciate that! And can I say, how lovely is your wedding profile pic 😍sweet & vintage looking, so romantic! I hope you are well xx
So sorry about that I whaled for a long time when I lost mine at 12.5 week it’s ok to cry for a while !like you I didn’t always show my partner and think it helped him deal with it better you know how some men are they want to appear strong In times like this. I still have my whaling moments 6 months on I still can’t believe my baby would have been here now.and my boobs have since very much changed from that pregnancy and I’m always reminded of it they didn’t really go back to normal and I still have very few stretch marks but I will call it a memory of life of mine and my little girls.peace and love to you at such a hard time xx
Thank you for your words hun, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss 💔I know very well how you feel 💔I hope I can move on, I feel so heartbroken right now 😢
Don’t be hard on yourself for crying , you are crying for a reason . 😢
A really sad and unfair shitty reason that no one saw coming nor would ever wish on your worst enemy 😭😢🥺
Much better to feel the pain ,
cry when it hurts so bad.
My counsellor helped me realise the importance of feeling to heal!
I get that you are trying to protect your husband from more tears but I really just think , now is the time to cry 😢
Do you know that picture of grief in a box with a button ? ( you probably invented it 🤣)
Right now, yours is the full size of it and pushing on the tears button . In time it will shrink inside the box and the frequency of the button pushes will fall. I hope it’s not long for you 😘
But , there will still be those days that bite your bum , you will cry again .
Have you read that article about anticipated grief etc etc with regards to covid ? It’s a good one and reminded me yet again how hard grief is and that it is not just a linear journey ( heck ya know that for sure ) but , useful to know and be reminded of its complexities .
Just know that the days of tears 😭 will fall as time passes but know that it is ok to not be ok.
I know you know this stuff but it’s hard to hear it from your own brain .... so I’m sharing it from mine . 😘
I love your honesty today . 😊🤗😘
You are in this moment , experiencing it for what it is. 😘😘😘💖💖💖
All the swear words in the world would not be enough to convey my rage at what you are going through right now.
I can’t take it away, but I’m beside ya, holding a tissue , with the words ‘I know, I know’ as you cry .
Pain will ease ,.... eventually . Just now, it will be a bit nippy .... like a 🦞 nippy !
I hope the nippy lobster pisses away off soon so you can laugh without feeling guilty and smile for all the good stuff that I know , you know you have .
You are here.
You have tears in your ears from crying as you lie down to rest.
Your words always go straight to my heart and make me think: she’s right. I find comfort in reading you, soul sister ❤️Thank you for always dedicating time to me ❤️You’re special 💗
It's the most devastating situation. My heart goes out to you having been there myself. I'm not going to say it gets easier with time but I now accept my baby would've had no quality of life had she survived. So cruel to think you're fulfilling a dream to have it stripped away from you in an instant. For now, take time to grieve. It's important you allow yourself that and in time you'll be able to pick yourself up and get that bfp again x
Thank you Jessy, I’m so sorry for your loss too 💔I know when I use my brain to think she/he wouldn’t have had quality of life that this was the only acceptable outcome, but then I remember those scans pics and I can’t understand why and how things deteriorated so quickly 💔that really hurts 💔so unfair 😢
You are so I spy and brave. I’ve been silent on here for quite some time and only just started posting after a failed transfer last month. I wish I had your positivity. I’m feeling so defeated and like such a failure as a woman. I pray you get your happy ending, you really deserve it xxxx
Oh hun, I’m sorry you feel defeated- I feel the same, you know? But what we MUST NOT feel is that we are failures. That’s absolutely NOT TRUE. Through this process I’ve learnt, and still learning every day, that making a baby is called the miracle of life because it really is a miracle.
People are in different circumstances so to some it’s easy as they get pregnant after one try naturally, some others struggle a bit and others struggle a lot 💔we all have a path to follow- I don’t know who decides who gets the easy path, but we are most definitely NOT FAILURES. I’m telling you this today when my heart is absolutely shattered and I lost faith in the process and in nature that did this to me 💔but if I stop thinking- how brave I’ve been, strong in injecting myself over and over, face physical and emotional pain, face the judgment of others, having to juggle this difficult process with work...and push through...and after a miscarriage I’m still here, waking up every day...this is not failure. This is COURAGE. Don’t forget that! 💋💋💋💋💋sending love
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