It was too good to be true :( - Fertility Network UK

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It was too good to be true :(

K84k profile image
K84k
70 Replies

After a 5 day transfer, we had positive tests on day 9 and 10 and then 3 x positives on OTD 12dp5dt (last Friday). One was a Clearblue weeks indicator test saying 1-2 weeks.

Today, tested again this evening with a Clearblue weeks indicator and it stated Not Pregnant. It really does hurt. We had less than a week of happiness and excitement. We had 1 embryo that made it to 5 days so no frosties so it really does feel like the end of the road.

I will test again in the morning as it was a pack of 2 tests, but I'm not holding out much hope.

Just want to say thank you to everyone for the support and hope and I wish you all the best on your journey xxx

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K84k profile image
K84k
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70 Replies
amandac84 profile image
amandac84

Oh goodness I’m so sorry to hear this. Did you have a blood test yet? Sending you lots of love and hugs xx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to amandac84

No, with the NHS so they would only do a scan at 7 weeks. Thank you xx

amandac84 profile image
amandac84 in reply to K84k

Ah yes of course. I’m sorry. Maybe test in the morning someone’s evening can be heavily diluted. I’m sorry xx

Baby1Fever profile image
Baby1Fever

Yes that happen to me in 2015 my first time doing invitro after I didn’t conceive I didn’t want to waste nomore money so dec 15 last year I got my tubes untied.

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Baby1Fever

This was our first round on ICSI due to low count/low quality of husband so there is little to no chance for natural conception.

Baby1Fever profile image
Baby1Fever in reply to K84k

I hope everything works out,it can be depressing I have 3 kids 27,26,14 5 grandkids husband has any so that’s y I’m trying I pray everything works out.

Bosa19 profile image
Bosa19

I'm so sorry . Lots of love to you, I hope you're ok xx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Bosa19

Thank you. I will be just feeling sorry for myself at the moment.... Going to gorge on ice cream!

Bosa19 profile image
Bosa19 in reply to K84k

Sounds like a good plan, take good care of yourself xx

Baby1Fever profile image
Baby1Fever

Keep us posted I would love to hear u say it’s positive!

KiboXX profile image
KiboXX

I wish there was something I could write to make you feel better but I know that’s impossible thing to do right now. I’m so sorry, I know how devastating it is and how lost you’re probably feeling right now. Thinking of you and sending you big hug xxxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to KiboXX

It really is devastating. It would have been easier if I was negative from the start I think. Thank you xxx

Ranchu90 profile image
Ranchu90

You been my cycle sister!! I cannot believe that, I am so sorry. I kept my hopes up seeing that u had a positive.

Take care of yourself ❤️

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Ranchu90

I know! I hope you have success for both of us. When is your transfer booked for? End of March?

Xxx

Ranchu90 profile image
Ranchu90 in reply to K84k

Unfortunately not, we decided to have a back to back cycle (or embryo banking). I am starting down reg on March and Stimulation on April. We want to have more embryos for PGS testing. It is a waiting and waiting time 🙄☹️ so rollercoaster 🎢 will be back sooner than I thought. I never ever thought that we will go into our 4th cycle so quick 🥺

Will you try again, if you don’t mind me asking?

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Ranchu90

Praying that the waiting will be worth it for you. I have only gone through 1 cycle and I feel broken. I can't imagine how you are coping.

I don't think we will try again. Our 'stats' really weren't great with low fertilisation through ICSI. And it depends on £. We had 1 free cycle on the NHS so I'm not sure we're in a position to pay for it privately at the moment. I may just have a house full of dogs 🐕🐕 xx

in reply to K84k

We have a very spoilt ginger tabby called baby who is 16 in April who gets everything given!

Lots8788 profile image
Lots8788

So sorry to hear that hun x big hugs to you x and hope you have a different story to tell us in the mornx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Lots8788

Thank you and God I hope so. That would make the tears worth it lol x

Tiddly1984 profile image
Tiddly1984

That’s such a shame. I hope tomorrow tells a different story but don’t want to get your hopes up...x

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Tiddly1984

Thank you but I've accepted that it's not our time xx

Tiddly1984 profile image
Tiddly1984 in reply to K84k

xxx

Tryagain45 profile image
Tryagain45

I'm so sorry to read your post. You must feel awful. I'm praying that tomo morning brings you better news. There is always some hope honey. Huge hugs to you xxxxxx❤️❤️❤️

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Tryagain45

Hiya, just tested again and still those heartbreaking words - not pregnant. Sucks big time. Thank you xxx

Tryagain45 profile image
Tryagain45 in reply to K84k

Awwww love...I'm am so so sorry. I know how absolutely devastating this is. I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better but I'm thinking of you and sending big hugs xx❤️❤️❤️

FrancyItaly profile image
FrancyItaly

I’m so sorry to hear that, but are your sure your pee wasn’t too diluted? I really hope you’ll get a different result tomorrow morning! Sending you a hug x

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to FrancyItaly

Thank you but no, same result 😔 thank you xx

FrancyItaly profile image
FrancyItaly in reply to K84k

I’m so sorry to her that, but your time will come!

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5

Awww honey I'm so sorry! We had positives from day 7, good looking positive lines and on day 14 had my hCG done & it was far too low and had to stop meds. Its hell, nothing prepares you for that disappointment! Sending massive hugs!!xxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Cinderella5

It really is hell. I'm sorry you know how it feels. Thank you xx

Sandyels profile image
Sandyels

I am so sorry. I recognise that feeling of brief hope and then the sadness, it is awful. Hopefully today morning will bring back the hope!

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Sandyels

Same result this morning sadly. I just don't know what to do with myself. How did you get through it? xx

Sandyels profile image
Sandyels in reply to K84k

I’m sorry that today was still negative.

It was hard to lose the hope and the embryo and I allowed myself to mourn as long as I needed. I also went up to the mountains and had a small “ceremony” like a funeral for the little one that I had lost (I know it was just a clump of cells, but for me it was more) and brought back a rock from there as a reminder. Once I had done that I started collecting facts and reading research (to feel more in control) as well as reading other people’s stories. And then I spoke to people around me about what had happened (colleagues, friends, family). I feel it helped being open about it.

Now I hope again for next time or then maybe next time after that. I have also realised that we (my partner and I) have a good life now as well and we can be happy without a child if that is how it is meant to be (although I also at the same time feel that I’m letting my partner down as this is so important for him) and that has been a bit of a relief.

I have also done a lot of mindfulness and practiced some mix between CFT (compassion focused therapy) ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) and radical acceptance and just try to find the joy in the everyday things in life.

I still feel beyond rubbish some days though.

Remember everyone needs to do what works for them. There are no rights or wrongs.

I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you may have had a CP. As surely all those tests could not have been wrong at the time.

This is what happened to me on my last cycle. I tested from day 5 and saw it progressive I get clearer and clearer then I took my OTD test a day early and it was positive and that was the last positive test I got.

Nothing prepares you for IVF nor the outcome you think you can handle it but it just tears you up inside having to put a brave face on I feel is the worse. It's the pain of wanting something so bad and for one reason or another you just can't get it. Something you think at the time is simple to achieve.

I don't think anything anyone says will make the pain go away or really make you feel better but you just have to remember easier said than done that you are not alone.

My heart is breaking for you as I know how you are feeling. Just take time out for yourself and don't push your partner away. I did at the time and it was the worst thing I could have done.

You will.get through this ,💞💞 xx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to

Thank you Emma-Rose. This group is so important as everyone understands how you're feeling.

I knew a few people who had gone through the IVF process but I never imagined it would be as hard as it has been. The last two months have been so difficult both mentally and emotionally but this group has kept me somewhat sane.

It can be so cruel at times.

Thank you for you words. It really does help (but I'm sorry you know how it feels) xx

Sprinkles86 profile image
Sprinkles86

This is so very cruel. It happened to us on our second transfer. I went on to get tested for natural killer cells at Siobhan quenbys clinic at Warwick which came back ‘high’ so had steroids for our third transfer which resulted in the birth of our son. Something worth looking into, if and when you are both ready. It took me a long time to be ready again though after that happened to us. Sending big hugs xxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Sprinkles86

It is so very cruel and I'm sorry you've been here before.

Congratulations on your little boy. I work in Warwick so if we decide to brave it again (doubtful at this moment) then I will look into that clinic.

Thank you xx

in reply to K84k

I went to Warwick castle years ago and it's quite an olde worlde town and it wasn't what I expected as I had expected it to have been a similar type town to Birmingham and Coventry.

Twiglet2 profile image
Twiglet2

I’m so sorry to hear this 😥 it’s so difficult to be so close! Allow yourself some time to process and grieve xxx 🤗

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Twiglet2

Thank you Twiglet. I think I'd have found it easier with a negative from the start. Xx

Twiglet2 profile image
Twiglet2 in reply to K84k

I agree and I felt the same after my early CP/miscarriage, raising our hopes so high to have them dashed is the worst feeling! but a few weeks on and I am starting to feel a little bit more positive about how it’s the closest we’ve came and some reassurance that I can get actually pregnant. Absolutely not at the time though it’s just too devastating xx

JoP32 profile image
JoP32

Oh K84k I’m so sorry. To have something for a short while only to have it taken away from you so o devastating. I wish there was something I could say to help but I know there isn’t 😢 Try & take some time - if you can have some time off work that might be good - and be kind to yourself. Xxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to JoP32

Thank you. Its very difficult to accept as I finally allowed myself to be positive and excited after holding back expecting it not to work.

I had finally told a few managers the good news so they can support - it feels ironic now. But I will take some more time off work to come to terms with it.

Thank you xxx

TeenyTiny profile image
TeenyTiny

Hi. So sorry to hear this. I had the same thing happen to me last October. The doctors said it was because the trigger shot was still in my system and I was getting false positives 😢😢😢

I guess they give OTD for a reason because I was getting positives right up until that day and then on otd I got a BFN 😢

Take your time to heal it really is such an awful blow. Sending you lots of hugs XX

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to TeenyTiny

I thought we'd past the trigger date as we got 3 positives on OTD as I was so conscious of that. I called the hospital to cancel the confirmation scan and she said it was a bio-chemical pregnancy so it was real, but just didn't progress. I don't know if that's worse.

You're right, it really does feel like such a blow. I'm gonna feel sorry for myself for the weekend, turn off my phone and stay offline then pick myself up next week and book an amazing holiday (always cheers me up!).

Hope you're plans are going well xx

TeenyTiny profile image
TeenyTiny in reply to K84k

That really is just heartbreaking 💔 I’m so sorry xx

Yes, take your time to grieve however long it may take and definitely book that holiday we all need a bit of sunshine in our lives xx

Angels2us profile image
Angels2us

So sorry I know exactly how u feel same happened to me and the same with the digital clear blue , sending u love 😘😘😘

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Angels2us

Thank you and sorry to hear you know how it feels but selfishly, I'm glad to know how I'm feeling it OK. Puppies are the way forward 🐕

Xx

in reply to K84k

No it's not selfish and you have every right to feel like that.

ttcemmie profile image
ttcemmie

Sorry to hear about you getting a negative yesterday evening. The ups and downs of this are just awful. I'm hoping that test was a one off and was wrong, but I know how upset and confused you must be atm, and wanted to send you lots of love. xxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to ttcemmie

It really is a rollercoaster. I didn't realise quite how emotional I would be (I usually only cry at TV shows ha) sadly it wasn't wrong but I guess I got 1 week of happiness and excitement which is more than some people have. The whole process just seems cruel for us all!

Thank you. The support on here is so needed and so so much appreciated just wish so many of us didn't have to go through it xx

L400ynd profile image
L400ynd

Oh love. My heart really goes out to you. It’s hard enough to accept never mind having a positive first. My heart is breaking for you.

Please take support from those closest to you and allow yourself to feel every emotion. Please be kind to yourself.

All my love and support. Xxxxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to L400ynd

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I've got a great support network that I'll go to when I'm ready Xx

That's not fair is it?

It's always disappointing isn't it when you get your hopes up only to have it result in nothing and it's really upsetting isn't it when you are led to believe you are getting something and no you aren't and there's not a thing you can do about it!

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to

You're definitely not wrong. It's like a cruel game.

Hopefully we'll all get our dream without too much to endure x

BroodySingle profile image
BroodySingle

I’m so sorry to read this but wanted to wish you luck wherever your journey now leads xxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to BroodySingle

Thank you and wish you all the best for your journey xx

RhinoCat profile image
RhinoCat

Awh , feels like a baseball bat to the stomach 😣 sending hugs of comfort . Cruel cruel journey . 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to RhinoCat

Oh yes, baseball bat for sure and AF is coming which adds insult to injury 🙄 I'm going to wallow for a little while and then pick myself up and plan holidays and puppies. Thank you xxx

RhinoCat profile image
RhinoCat in reply to K84k

Just right, ya need a wee wallow otherwise you will crash later 😘 hugs to you 💐

magda22 profile image
magda22

So sorry....I'm sending lots of love and strength xxxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to magda22

Thank you xx

Picalilli99 profile image
Picalilli99

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. We have been there so understand how cruel/heartbreaking/confusing it can feel to get the bfp only to lose it again so soon. Sending you big hugs ❤️ Xxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Picalilli99

Thank you. It really is brutal! Not ready yet, but I will take positivity from the fact we got a BFP which is further than we expected xx

Picalilli99 profile image
Picalilli99 in reply to K84k

I like the sound of your attitude. Right now it’s just about taking care of yourselves and healing from this loss. Then in time, only when you feel ready, you can take away the positives and know that you are another step closer. Take care hun xxx

Mara84 profile image
Mara84

That’s awful! I’m so sorry... Definitely test again just in case. Sending lot of love xx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Mara84

Thank you 💕 we tested again this morning and it was the same dreaded words. We got further than we expected which we will take the positives from when we're ready but for now.... Self pity and chocolate is in order xx

Hartley1 profile image
Hartley1

Feel for you...hang in there...try again when you're ready xxx

K84k profile image
K84k in reply to Hartley1

Thank you xx

AcuFertilityDoc profile image
AcuFertilityDoc

Wow! A lot of responses! I think it’s emotionally smart to prepare yourself for the worst, but it’s my understanding that once hCG levels get too high the test folds in on itself giving false negatives. Time for a beta hCG. Good luck!

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