So OTD is here finally and we have confirmation it is a BFN. 😕 Had been praying I was one of that lucky women who got negative 1-3 days early and a positive on test date. Alas it was not meant to be.
After 2 failed single FET transfers and 1 positive double fresh transfer (ended in miscarriage) and now a failed double fresh well I have no clue where to go from here.
I do thank my lucky stars for my first ever successful cycle which gave me my ‘miracle’ son now aged 3. No matter what we will always have him, but it absolutely kills me I may never give him a brother or sister. I do realise I am better off than many ladies who have this struggle and still no pregnancy. Guess with my age now am desperate to complete my family.
Maybe I have to accept at 43 my chances with my own eggs now are very slim. Time to look at our options, for now we concentrate on other things as this has taken its toll last few years.
Will never give up hope on a natural miracle and as I have suspected tubal blockage both tubes thinking of booking an HSG as had one before and hoping another might somehow help unblock them. I also worry despite having had mild endo lasered it’s maybe back. Despite me asking my clinic for another lap or HSG and endo scratch etc they always say no not necessary and how it’s most likely age factor’. I have good ovarian reserves manage between 5-8 eggs . FSH level 5.4 they will not recommend AMH test . I also had a c section and maybe I have scar tissue. There is clearly an issue when I was able to easily get pregnant before and maybe time to change clinics.
I would welcome any advise from anyone who has had similar issues ?
Thanks to all you wonderful ladies for your invaluable support and I wish you all the luck in the world 😘
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Hope76
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I’m like u we have us miracle baby but trying to give them siblings is so hard😔
I don’t understand either why one single transfer and double didn’t work for me.
I was thinking the same us I got only one left tube which was repaired and unblocked few years back to do HSG to find out if that one didn’t block somehow.
I know chances r 50/50 with one but we being trying natural way since my daughter was 6 months old and nothing...( she is 27 months now)
I’m really sorry hun I wish to have some answers and words to make u feel better xx
Really sorry to read this, as you say look after yourself and enjoy your son for the time being until you decide on your next step. Sending lots of love xx
I really am so sorry to read your post. I just wanted to offer my support. I've been following your posts and can absolutely appreciate how heart broken and confused you must feel today as I am in a very similar position.
We are just starting our 3rd round of IVF, I'm 42, will be 43 in Oct.
I think this is probably going to be our last go using my own eggs as my understanding is success rates are very low at 43, and whilst I obviously don't know your full situation, IVF is so expensive and, whilst i'd obviously pay anything to have my own baby, I think at some point you have to perhaps consider making the call on your chances bearing in mind the financial stress treatment puts on a relationship, plus all the stress of going through multiple unsuccessful cycles? Its one of the hardest decisions anyone could ever be asked to make.
I want to be a mother. I want to experience motherhood so we are open to researching the process of using donor eggs if that time comes.
I won't lie, it feels overwhelming, scary and daunting but I think its actually a hell of a lot more common than we think.
My cousins wife recently had a baby at 43 using a donor egg and she's a little sweetie. We will probably go and see them and speak to them about the whole process and their experience of using a donor should we need to, but I know that for them, they chose this route after miscarriage at 12 weeks and failed IVF cycles.
Do you mind me asking if your clinic have advised using your own eggs for future treatment? Your stats sound good for 43 but I think its the dreaded egg quality issue that could be the problem?
I chose to have the scratch this cycle, not because I wanted to have the scratch, (because after asking my clinic for evidence on success they said they weren't able to send me anything at all which I thought was shocking - especially considering treatment costs £350), but because I wanted to have the NK cell test and the 2 go together as part of 1 treatment at my clinic. Like yourself, I suspect my biggest hurdle is egg quality, but my reasoning was that if we go on to have further treatment , with either my own or donor eggs, I want to rule out NK cells. £350 is a lot to pay but not a lot compared to the total cost of all our cycles.
Anyway - I just wanted to send some love.
I know how you are feeling and I totally understand the pressure this puts on a relationship so I hope you and your husband can take some time to be together and heal for a bit and have some nice times with your son.
Thank you for your kind words & support. I got pregnant last year using my OE, I miscarried due to the gestational sac not growing & DR felt was really unlucky as was sure nothing to do with quality of the 2 embryos we transferred. She advises not much difference trying at 43 than 42 so we just went again. My clinic have never suggested we use DE However today when my partner called them with the news he asked about it & we were told more info can be given at f/up appt.
I guess I knew myself my chances were slim but was determined we were due some good luck. Already spent 8k this year and am redundant from work now so yes we need to make some tough decisions.
I wish I insisted to have the scratch..... I have asked about it & always told by my clinic no evidence it works,not needed, painful etc etc in fact up to now they always tell me I have No implantation issues when clearly there is a problem.
Never been offered NK cell test and never heard of it but my clinic do appear behind the times with certain things for example they have only just started using embryo glue with all transfers.
When starting this journey I would have never considered I would need to go down the DE route however it is an option we will explore now.
Wishing you lots of luck in this cycle, truly hope it’s the one for you 🍀🤞🏼🙏🏻
Thanks again for you advice, it really is much appreciated 😘
I can completely understand why you had another stab using your own eggs, I would of probably done the same given your circumstances.
I wouldn't waste any time beating yourself up about not having the scratch or NK cell testing. There's no evidence that the scratch improves your chances and I've read so many peoples messages where they've said they didn't conceive on a cycle with the scratch and then conceived without the scratch. (ref HFEA re Scratch).
Personally I think the fact that my clinic wasn't able to send me one single report or piece of evidence in favour of the scratch speaks volumes considering they claim to have some of the highest success rates in the country.
The only reason I had the scratch was because I wanted the NK test, (Natural Killer Cells), and in order to get the cells from the uterus you have The Scratch, and the only reason I have had the test for NK Cells is because I have never had a pregnancy for longer than 6 weeks.
I think if I'd had a baby I probably would not of wasted my money, but I wanted to rule this out as we are struggling at implantation stage.
The Scratch isn't the most pleasant in the world, but it really annoys me that I was lead to believe it was really painful, because personally I didn't find it really painful, (uncomfortable yes, and I would not choose to have it again given the choice), but ultimately I think if its the missing link to why embryos aren't growing then you do it?
I got my knickers in a real twist for weeks before the test as I was so worried about how painful it was going to be.
My clinic said I didn't need the NK Cell test but I wanted to do it. I have friends of family who apparently struggled to have successful pregnancies and had the NK test, and after finding these cells present, were then given drugs to treat, and then went on to have babies.
Our situations are quite similar actually. I fell pregnant naturally at 41. I found out at our first IVF appointment when they scan the lining of your womb. They did a pregnancy test and it was positive. We miscarried at 6 weeks. Our baby never had a heartbeat. We were obviously beyond devastated. Life sucks at times.
It look me a while to get my head together after all that. I still struggle.
Like yourself I was also made redundant earlier this year. Bit of a bloody nightmare, but what can you do, you've got to motor on with treatment as generally id say its in your best interest. If I could park all of this for a few years, take some time off, have some nice holidays and just enjoy my relationship with my husband I probably would.
Would be interesting to hear about what your clinic advises re the DE route. My husband is less open to it than I am, (at this stage), but I think this is because he doesn't really know that much about it. I've been thinking about it for a while now. I think he is also perhaps worries about the views of his parents who are very behind the times and old fashioned. We'll cross that bridge when and if we come to it.
Look after yourself hun. Enjoy your relationship and try do some nice things. Nice walks, nice coffees in little coffee shops, swimming, bubbling and pampering. Maybe try and get a day in a health spa if you can to help with the healing.
Sorry to hear you got a BFN. I dont have much advice on what you could try really. My FSH was ok and my AMH was 7.19, we got on around 9 mature eggs on collection but only had a few made it to blastocyst stage. I got told the same as you when I was 39 (its your age) and its never nice to hear....I asked them to be brutal and they gave me a 5% chance of success. Good luck with what you decide on next.xx
So sorry to read your news and that you’re suffering again. Take some time to try and heal and get your head round this and how you want to proceed and be gentle with yourself. Sending lots of love. Here to listen anytime xxx
Thank you Lolly as know you have and will be suffering still too. Trying to keep busy went for that lunch today & met a new baby was worried I would fall apart but kept it together. So glad I went fed up of putting my life on hold x
Oh Hope, I’m really sorry to read this, I had been really hoping you would get your BFP 😞 You are so deserving of it and I do believe you will make it happen, one way or another. For now, just do whatever you feel is right...taking time out to rest and heal as long as you need. Hopefully a break from this will give you some perspective on how to proceed.
If and when you revisit this and you want to check your tubes, it never hurts. I would also say that the biggest issue is likely egg quality (I know you are probably doing stuff for this). If you decide to try again, is there anything else you can do in this area? This is what I’m working on as it’s the one thing I can control and it’s directly related to age. You’ve got good egg numbers and it only takes one.
Sorry, I know there’s nothing I can say to change this. Hope the time out is healing. You will get there, I really believe you will. Xx
I just feel since it was 5 years ago I had a lap plus HSG to help clear them then it may help again. I want get to bottom of if my endo came back too. My clinic are dead against this and feel wasting time & money and IVF is only option. I feel had I maybe had tubal surgery immediately I may not be in this position now but they were adamant IVF only option.
Regarding egg quality my clinic are adamant no supplements will improve quality and up to me if I want to waste my money.
I read on here lots of women being advised by their DR to take DHEA & ubiquinol again they will not support my use of them claiming no evidence etc etc.
This cycle I took ubiquinol as I did last cycle. I never took DHEA as was too scared as last cycle only got 1egg . Last cycle they had me on Menopur which I responded to very poorly .... I insisted gonal f this time which showed 7 follicles measurable instead of 2. For months I panicked it was the end as my DR claimed doesn’t matter which FSH drug I would get similar results. I feel I am proof I clearly manage 5-8 eggs with gonal f so why on earth at this stage of the game prescribe me Menopur.
As I was worried DHEA maybe didn’t help either I just didn’t take it this time. Am annoyed they ever changed my drugs & totally cheated out of that cycle. If I had time & money to travel to other clinics for second opinions I would
Can you tell me what you are doing to improve your egg quality? x
Hi, perhaps it would be worth investing in preconception care for the next couple months while you figure out if you’re going to investigate your tubes and what your next move will be?
Have you read It Starts with the Egg? If not, I would pick up the second edition. Ultimately whether you decide to take a certain supplement is always going to be your choice. In general herbal medicines and vitamins are not well endorsed by western medicine. However there is a growing body of research supporting the use of various supplements in improving egg quality. DHEA (a precursor for testosterone and estrogen) has repeatedly been shown to improve egg quality. It is now regularly endorsed by clinics as the evidence to support it is quite compelling. I haven’t really heard of anyone experiencing adverse effects (though that doesn’t mean they don’t exist). My clinic in Australia recommends DHEA and I have always taken it. With my last IVF cycle, at 40, I had 2 mature eggs, both fertilised and after a double transfer, got my BFP. But you have to be comfortable with whatever you decide. I also took a host of other supplements as well as made other lifestyle changes, that I think collectively contributed to my BFP.
I’m going through this again now, at 42, and I’ve slightly tweaked my regime ....who knows what will happen?? I didn’t come across the above book until a couple of weeks ago so I’m kicking myself about that. Part of me now is really apprehensive that I’ve made a couple of oversights ...if my current cycle is unsuccessful I will make adjustments for the next one.
Either way, age and time are not on our side. The reality is we could do everything perfectly and it still not work. But, if we take some supplements and make some lifestyle adjustments, I think it significantly improves our chances of success. If you think you will use your own eggs again, I would start preconception care now. And your partner should be taking supplements and being healthy too. I can go into more detail about what I’m doing and taking if you like, perhaps pm me, but I would start with the book.
Basically I wouldn’t trust your clinic to be informed on this or the importance of preconception care, they are not trained on it and the evidence-base for their use is only starting to grow. My clinic sees me as a very difficult case so they are happy for me to do whatever I want if it makes me feel better. You are entitled to the same.
Hope this helps. You’ll get there, just need a new plan of attack xx
So horribly unfair. I’m really sorry lovely lady. I was rooting for you so hard. Sending you a huge hug through the ether. And a very alcoholic cocktail. Xoxo
Thanks hun, feeling a bit numb but I will carry on regardless, feeling strangely calm only cried once today as had time to digest it really. I actually met up with a friend with her new baby today, thought of cancelling but so glad I went, she wasn’t aware what I was going through today. Was her moment and I didn’t want to take the shine off her & her beautiful wee girl. Anyway I managed to get cuddles and hold baby without getting emotional . Good luck for Wednesday am sure everything will be just fine 😘 x
Took bloods, got some more progesterone then felt super faint as so hot here, 34 degrees and 💯 humidity. Went into pret to cool down. Felt nauseous. Then too cold. Went back into heat. Took digital clear blue which said only 1-2 weeks which is still lower than I need really as I’m 2-3 weeks past ovulation/collection. Then googled how that leads to miscarriage? Then had panicky anxious evening. Managed a few hours sleep but now up again at 4am. Ridiculous. I’ll get my numbers back before 1pm today. So fingers crossed all new classes have started at school so I’m super busy in day! Xx
Oh my goodness you poor thing. Am sure the lack of sleep combined with the heat is not helping how you are feeling. I have heard the clear blue that indicates how many weeks is not accurate for IVF so please try not to worry.
Glad you are busy at work, keeping my fingers crossed for you 🤞🏼 but got a good feeling everything will be just fine 😃
Am in a very similar position. Am not hijacking, just wanted to share so you know you are not alone xxc
Recently got a BFN on my very last frozen blasto fet. I have the most magnificent baby girl (2) from a previous get and have had several Bfn's/ chemical both before and since. At 43 (and pretty much perimenopausal) have been told that chances with my own eggs are around 2%, with a 70% chance of chromosomal abnormalities.
I know, truly I do, how blessed I am for my miracle. I have loved every day, every hour, every minute of her existence. I am just beyond sad that I never get to do it again, that she will be an only for older parents, that my intensity of mama focus are too much for one child, (it was so hard to get her that I feel duty bound to be the very best parent I can!!!) Etc etc.
The time, the energy, the organisation, the emotional energy, the stasis of future plans, the hope, the money, the focus .... it's all taken it's toll. When is enough enough?
I feel a massive and deep grief for all the could have/ should have been but am scared of keeping going. Do we go down the donor egg route? Do I have the time to take some time out and regroup before making that decision? I was really sanguine and rational before I got the bfn and then fell apart.
God, infertility is brutal - even when you are on the winning side of icsi. I really resent it some days! I have attended my first ever counselling session recently and it was so nice to get to splurge to someone who isn't invested or hasn't heard it a million times. Really helped me start some sort of processing of next steps.
Well done for being so loving to your friend and her baby ... I am trying to consciously smile at mamas with new babies ... appreciating their joy rather than losing myself in the jealousy xxx
Lots of love to all - wherever you are on your journey xx
Thanks so much for that, it is a great help knowing am not alone and others are feeling this same ache for that second baby. The thought of it never happening again makes me feel sick.
We always say this is last go but think we both know deep down will keep going. Up to now have never considered DE in fact my clinic have NEVER mentioned my chances are so low and I should consider it until today when I called them.
I must admit am beginning to realise we can either chuck another 4K down the drain having already spent 8k this year.... or we may very well look into DE options. I love the fact my son clearly has some of my personality & looks and scares me I won’t get this if we go down DE route. However the other option is not too good I.e no brother or sister for my DS.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience regarding counselling not something I have ever tried. I actually feel I use this forum as part of my own counselling.
I feel I need to speak to someone who can point me in the direction as to which path to choose from here. Up to now my DR hasn’t laid it on the line about our chances with OE but think that will come in F/up meeting x
I'm glad it helps. Some days it really feels like you are going a bit mad woth everything swirling round.
I absolutely understand the fear of the DE option ... as you said I enjoy looking for those bits of me in my little girl but .... the alternative? I also have a step father I adore and know there is some transference of DNA in utero and the role environment plays. It's all head and heart stuff isn't it?
My partner has pretty much said we need some time off (which DE's does give a bit) before making the next decision which I think is sensible - though obviously confuses the grieving process further...🙄
I’m so sorry to read this. I was rooting for you and really wanted you to get your BFP. I hope you can find something that helps take your mind off things and allow yourself time to grieve. I’m now 12dp3dt and not feeling great today, I think the whole thing is starting to take its toll. Still getting some cramping but no blood yet. I know this is our last try as we can’t afford another cycle. So I’m dreading OTD in case it’s negative.
Awwww thanks. Yesterday I kept busy even met a friend and her new baby as life goes on. Today AF has arrived so am really feeling it today curled up on sofa.
Wow you don’t have long to go, I swear the 2ww speeds up towards the end. Really hoping you see that most wanted 2 beautiful lines 🤞🏼 x
Really sorry it didnt work out this time. Secondary infertility is just as painful. I'm glad you have your son though, I'm sure he's a very happy and loved boy. Hope you can find some peace with the cards you have been dealt.
Oh I’m so gutted for you 😢 Infertility sucks. Hope you are taking good care of yourself and are getting lots of support. Cuddle that little boy of yours. Maybe consider some counselling - I found it really helped me just to say it all out loud. Sending lots of love x
I'm so sorry hun, my outcome was the same 😪 found out today even though I got a bfn 3 days earlier just like you. We have frozen embryos left but not sure I can face anymore heartache. Were so lucky to have a child that keeps us going. Thinking of you xxx
Awwww no sorry you are having to deal with this too. I know what you mean the more heartache we get the more it is unbearable. Am actually off to my DR .... I have suspected blocked tubes an wanting another HSG as it can’t hurt to try unblock them so fed up of IVF
Good idea my consultant removed my life tube as it was blocked with toxic fluid. He said I couldn't go any further until it was removed. I did get pregnant as my successful cycle was only a few months after. All the best hun it's strange how we know nothing about each other but right now were feeling exactly the same. I'm hoping tomorrows a better day for both of us xxxx
Well my GP totally gets where am coming from, she used to perform laps. However she said having another one & HSG can pose some risks & wants me to take it up with my clinic again. I just feel since it was 5 years ago had last one surely it can’t do any harm. She has however referred me to an endometriosis specialist to get further investigations as I have symptoms to suggest endo may have returned. Had to go private so more money but hey ho no time to waste.
I know am weirdly comforted that it’s not just me facing this horrible cruel bloody outcome. We are so lucky to have our first miracle, we just want one more 🙏🏻.
Am sure in time you may decide to use your frozen embryos am just gutted nothing frozen but both my single FETs in past failed anyway.
Thinking of you at this difficult time that no one understands but us 😘
Thanks well it’s a start, my clinic feel of course it’s age factor nothing else. 5 years ago I had mild endo with suspected tubal blockage. Although the endo was lasered am concerned it has came back. Also want checked out to see if is anywhere else something I was always gonna get investigated after IVF but no time like the present x
Hey Hope, we're in the same position - 3 year old treasure and wanted a sibling but after 1 fet and 2 fresh cycles nothing. It's hard to give up on. There are days I think I've totally accepted it and then days when I'm desperately trying to think of a new way forward. Just turned 44 though, so even if it was possible, I'm not sure I even want to be pregnant at 44. I want to have been pregnant at 42 when we first went to see the dr about a sibling. The dr delayed and delayed and delayed though and put us back a precious 9 months. 9 months is massive when you get into your 40s. Anyone know where I can get hold of a time machine?
Hi Alice, yes I feel exactly the same. Well I emailed in a complaint regarding all the time wasted changing drugs etc etc and guess what they have only offered us a replacement cycle ‘free of charge’. I was shocked as didn’t expect and although I should be on cloud 9 am worried now as 44 in January and like you I would’ve loved if it happened 2 years ago when we started trying but now I wonder if it’s the right thing to do. Of course we would be silly not to take the free cycle given we have spent almost 15k but am so exhausted by the whole thing. I have set up a counselling session next week, first time since started the process but I need some direction x
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all new classes have started at school so I’m super busy in day! Xx
Day before OTD!! 😟 
Tested 2 days before OTD
One day before OTD and...BFP!!
5 days 10 hours 49 minutes & 39 seconds until OTD... not like I'm counting or anything🤦♀️⏱
