Firstly thank you SO much for all the support over the last 2 weeks. As I've previously said, I would normally be the first person to avoid forums or talking with strangers, but I've really found this a life line.
So yesterday, we found out our first cycle hasn't worked. (Doing reciprocal donation.. my wife's eggs, my womb, anonymous sperm donor...you get the picture).
As far as we both know, neither of us have fertility problems, so I have no idea why it's not worked. I think it's just bad luck.
My main question is about the next attempt.
The nurse called with the news yesterday and didn't seem to be able to answer any of my questions. I find this unacceptable.
As a woman that has just been told that not only am I not pregnant after 2 years of planning and thousands of pounds, I would at least expect the 'specialist' nurse to be able to tell me my next steps or at least have a vague idea of them.
Surely this is the only saving grace we have? After receiving the worst news on a lay by on a motorway in newcastle, the only thing that would encourage me not to sob my heart out and give up, is a PLAN OF ACTION for my next attempt. I don't think that's too much to ask.
In no other form of health care would you pay £6500 yet have to wait for a 'letter in the post' for an appointment in 'up to 8 weeks' to see the consultant before I can even consider starting again? I'm sure any Bupa hospital that charged me thousands of pounds would be happy to see me within a week for that amount of money. I know I sound like a total idiot here....impatient, entitled and demanding.. but I just want some answers.
From what I understand, you need at least 1 menstrual cycle before starting again?
I started my period today, does this mean I'd be ready to start again soon? If I wait for my clinic appointment in 8 weeks, will this not delay me starting again unnecessarily?
In addition, I did query about our 1 frozen embryo. ALL the literature we have received from the clinic states 'we will discuss the option of freezing with you' and the chance of a pregnancy is '6 in 1000' IF it even survives the thawing process.
The cost of us freezing is £750 per annum. We went for the implantation and got given a consent form to sign for freezing. At NO point did we have the alleged discussion about whether we would even like to freeze should there be anything suitable. We were told that we would receive a call the following day (day 6) to say if any were suitable for freezing and I, maybe naively, assumed it would be then that we have this 'discussion' about whether this was an option we would like to take.
However, we just had a phone call saying it was good quality and they'd frozen it. NO discussion. I raised this with the nurse on the phone yesterday as I was concerned about using a frozen embryo due to the low success rates that THEIR literature states. She told me I signed the consent form and that was that.
I'm an oral surgeon, I write consent forms for operations every single day and I am fully aware that consent is an ongoing process that needs to be informed for it to be valid. I felt as if I was being made to look ridiculous for being concerned about using a frozen egg but I'm worried about the success rates THAT THEY QUOTE and the potential heartbreak and cost of another failed attempt.
I'm happy to use the frozen egg but I'm just wondering, are the success rates as low as their leaflets say they are?? Shall we waste a frozen egg and start again or use it?
I just want to know when I can start again
Written by
KOT7
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hi lovely, I'm so sorry about your negative result, it's awful when it happens. It's OK to be sad about it but I totally get that you'd feel better with a plan to move forward, I was very much the same. Perhaps you could give your clinic a call tomorrow and just ask if you have to have a follow up before booking a planning appointment for your next go. You might just be able to go straight to planning for your next transfer but all clinics are different - worth asking though! In answer to some of your questions, advice differs but after our first bfn (fresh cycle) my clinic were happy for me to have a frozen transfer on my next cycle, so I bled after bfn then started meds for frozen transfer with my next bleed. That cycle was quite long but hopefully your body will recover more quickly because you haven't had stims yourself. Regarding frozen transfers, there are various statistics quoted, but the odds they have suggested to you sound extremely low. Generally speaking, with the fast freezing they have now and the fact that most frozen embryos are blastocysts, frozen transfers have as good a success rate as fresh. If I were you, I certainly wouldn't be discarding a frozen embryo - I'm currently 13+6 with our only frostie which was frozen at day 6. Take some time to grieve and be sad and have plenty of cuddles with your wife for the one that didn't work, but don't be too disheartened - you have one in the freezer and there's every chance that could be your baby. Much love x
Aww sorry your first attempt was not a success.
I agree this level of communication sounds unacceptable, they should definitely be more clued up on where to go next...consultation, FET protocols..natural or medicated etc.
The success rates for frozen embryos are similar to that of fresh and most clinics have a 90-95% successful thaw rate so the statistics they have given you seem very low.
We have just had a failed FET, I had my withdrawal bleed and then started again from day 1 of my period just over 2 weeks ago and are hoping for transfer tomorrow so about 8 weeks between transfers. We have always been offered a consultation within about a week and even the receptionist/admin are very knowledgeable...in fact it was my first chat with him that made me confident in choosing the clinic! Could you call and push for an earlier follow up? X
I’m so sorry that the test result was negative, it’s heart breaking 😔.
I agree that your clinic sound unsupportive. We are using donor sperm and froze an embryo and I had to fill in so many forms and they explained the consent thing really well so it sounds like your clinic need to up their game and be clearer about what’s happening.
In relation to the frozen transfer rates, 6 in 1000 sounds very low and if that is their success rate you might want to look around for a clinic with better ones. We were a freeze only cycle so I did my research. My clinic and HFEA now say that frozen transfers now have almost the same success rate as fresh ones and 95% survive the thawing process. So try not to worry too much.
I’m think that your clinic should be offering a review appointment if you want one. And if they don’t then I’d really consider moving to find a clinic right for you. It took me three clinics to find the right one, and I’m now happy there. If your paying and the service is rubbish then go somewhere that makes you feel valued and looked after. Thinking of you xx
Sorry to hear the sad news hun. 6 in 1000 sounds very low and i also wonder how they can put that on the literature - aren't the odds, to some extent, personal? Maybe I just don't understand but seems a bit odd and definitely worth speaking to them about it. Sending big hugs to you both and hope you have answers and a plan of action soon xxx
Sorry to hear about your BFN. Only repeating what others have said really but 6 in 1000 must be a typo on their literature. I can’t believe any clinic would be allowed to operate with success rates that low. The average is about 30% success rate per embryo transfer.
Also to repeat what others have said. Don’t be confused between frozen egg success rates and frozen embryo success rates. They are different things. Your frozen embryo has a good a chance as your fresh embryo of implanting.
It can be a long wait for a follow up consultation but 8 weeks seems a lot.
Also wanted to note that £750 for one year of embryo freezing is very expensive. My clinic charge £250.
I would call your clinic and ask if you can have your frozen transfer before your follow up consultation as otherwise you’re being delayed for no reason.
Sorry this is all so hard. I hope you get your BFP soon x
I feel for you. It really does sound like your clinic have shockingly low success rates for FET. I've even read a few studies that suggest FET can be more successful than fresh transfers as only the strong embryos survive the freeze and thaw process. I am currently pregnant following a FET so I fully support and encourage you to go for the FET! Hopefully your clinic can give you the answers you desperately crave, it's so frustrating to just be told 'it's one of those things', I understand why this would make you feel fed up. And all the best of luck for your next attempt x
I think you're right, it seems a very low number! Unfortunately, my clinic ran out of funding for Welsh patients (my clinic is just over the border in England) so I had to wait until new financial year. Had my fresh cycle in November (sadly miscarried at 6 weeks) and then frozen cycle started in late April.
I can't comment about a lot of your post but I've read that the freezing-thawing process has been shown to actually improve the quality of the embryo in some circumstances. My own pregnancy was the result of a FET (frozen embryo transfer) after a failed fresh transfer so I am most certainly for FETs.
I also believe it's old information about the lower success rate. Furthermore most previously frozen embryos now survive the thawing process.
Lots of luck going forward. Hope you get the answers you are seeking.
My first cycle failed. I was not happy with the way the clinic dealt with me during the process and afterwards. I decided it was stressful enough going through fertility treatment and I did not need additional stress from my clinic and doctors whom I was paying a lot of money. I changed my clinic, moved to donor egg had a wonderful experience during the process and afterwards. The doctors explained everything and I was well informed at every stage. If you ask me it was really worth it to change the clinic
I'm sorry for you both it's so bloody hard. I have no experience of having anything to freeze unfortunately but I'm sure lots of people on here will be able to offer advice.
I'm also a private patient and normally get an appointment with my consultant in a matter of days after each failure.
A plan makes me feel a tiny bit better again.
My sister in law and her wife have twin boys, conceived via ivf 5 years ago but it was round number 2 of ivf after 1 failed iui, she has no fertility issues.
I would look into changing clinics if there is another one in your area. The statistics they have gave you are not correct and I'm.shocked that they aren't offering you a follow up appointment for 8 weeks. Is this NHS or private?
You are allowed to move frozen embryos to another clinic btw x
I'm having a frozen transfer in July after a failed cycle in May. Any questions just ask x
Really sorry to hear that, it’s so difficult and the last thing you need from your clinic is confusing information when your already feeling so raw. I hope you manage to get the information cleared up and a quicker follow-up (especially if your private??) but like others have said if you still feel really uncomfortable after trying this with your current clinic - is there another clinic you could consider? Thinking of you and your wife xx
Everyone, thank you SO much for this information. Honestly, this is all new information to me! And surely that's not right??
I called the clinic this morning and just feel even worse.
They said that whether you're a private patient or NHS, whether we plan to use fresh or our frozen embryo, I still have to wait 8 weeks for a clinic appointment to 'discuss things.'
In my opinion, there's nothing to discuss. If you can start again on your 2nd period, that would be 28 days from now... by which time I won't even have been seen in the clinic for this CONVERSATION and surely I'll therefore be wasting time unnecessarily?! I said I was happy to use the frozen embryo and just need to arrange the meds to start again but I apparently need to go in to sign another consent form. That's fine, but why do I need to wait 8 weeks to sign a form? I'm off on monday, I said I will sit in the waiting room for 8 hours until someone is available to sign the form with me.... "sorry no, we're too busy here for that." "and did no one tell you about the July shut down?" NO!! WHAT JULY SHUT DOWN? "We shut everything in July to do a deep clean, so no one has any treatment then." SERIOUSLY??
I may be wrong here, but it seems like no one else has had to wait this long. It took us 12 whole months to have ONE cycle of private IVF.
I'm just so frustrated and I need a plan of action!!
Do not talk to me about the random shut downs!! My clinic seems to have them all the time 😫
But seriously, I’m so sorry for your BFN. I had the exact same thing my last (first) round. They refused to give me any information until that 8 week appointment and it drove me insane. When it finally rolled around, we were told to start meds again that day. I felt completely unprepared and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t have been told that in advance.
In terms of the 6/1000 chance, I’m rubbish at maths but isn’t that 0.6%?? I could very well be wrong so please someone correct me if I am 🥴 but like others have said I’d really hope that’s a mistake their end. My clinic has lower than average success rates and their rate per fet is almost 50%. I think the theory is that they’ve already made it to blastocyst stage, and have survived both the freeze and the thaw so they’ve got to be pretty strong.
So I guess I just wanted to say I’m sorry, and good luck for your next go, and hold on tight to your wife right now because it’s a painful and frustrating time for you both xx
Yeh, it's literally 0.6%! Ha! I believed it as well. It wasn't until I chatted to everyone on here that I realised there must be a mistake. I do feel a bit more positive now.
I think if this frozen one doesn't work then we will move clinics. I feel like everyone else is having a different experience to us, in terms of support, knowledge, information etc
My doctors and nurses have a meeting every week about patients, so within a week of each of the 7 failed transfers I’ve had (last was a miscarriage), I get a follow up phone call with a doctor and face to face if I want it, and FETs supposedly give better results due to the body not having been as pumped and pulled and prodded as it is for a fresh. Maybe reconsider your clinic choice? They don’t sound good!! I usually have a 3 month wait between goes x
Wow, you've not had it easy have you. I'm pleased you've been getting discussions/consultations more regularly though. If my journey goes the same way as yours, I don't think I'd be strong enough to do it with this clinic and their lack of support and delays.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
End of first cycle BFN and so many questions. 
first attempt at IVF
Change clinics after failed first attempt? 
More confused than ever after debrief 
Round 2 and even more confused
