Falling Apart Emotionally After TTC for 4 years

[incrediblesunshine]

Hi guys I'm new here myself and partner have been TTC naturally for 4 years I suffer with PCOS and I'm currently having tests done for endometriosis right now I feel completely broken and I'm in tears most of the time the whole situation is starting affect the way I feel about myself as well as the relationship with my other half I cant give him the baby he really wants and i feel awful about it I dont know what to do to make myself feel better any more little things like ice cream and hot baths usually lift my mood yet even their failing to put a smile on my face these days

has anybody else been through a similar experience? any advice would be much appreciated thank you for reading

[Kyell2]

I’m so sorry you are having an awful time. I think each and every one of us on here have had the massive low point where we couldn’t see that having a baby was ever going to be possible.

I don’t have an answer as to how to make the pain go away...but I do think that as soon as you get the test results and can make a plan for a way forward then it all starts to get a bit easier.

Sending hugs your way xxx

[incrediblesunshine in reply to Kyell2]

Thank you for your reply maybe this my rock bottom as much as I'm trying to stay positive I cant help thinking what if it never happens I hate the waiting game with test results it's only making me think the worst I'm crossing my fingers hoping its something that can fixed with medication or another treatment

Hugs to you also Best Wishes xxx

[tazza_uk]

Yes, you are not alone. I too have PCOS.

Try to be kind to yourself, easier said than done. You mention ice cream and hot baths, what other things do you enjoy? On your own or with partner. Are you able to talk to them?

[incrediblesunshine in reply to tazza_uk]

thank you for your reply I do enjoy many things sometimes we take our dog on days out the park or go out for a meal together it's just that I dont seem to feel in the mood to do any of these things lately I'm continuously thinking about all your failed attempts at TTC and starting to feel like I'm not good enough my partner is very supportive when I'm in pain or upset and I do talk to him but he's quite old fashioned and thinks im having "womens problems" I dont know if understands how much pain I'm actually in at times he also has 7 children from a previous relationship this is also getting to as we haven't yet had one of our own

[tazza_uk in reply to incrediblesunshine]

There are amazing support groups where you can speak to others in the same situation. Maybe your clinic can advise, or have a look for fertility network, they run a lot of groups and can point you in the right direction.

[Militarywife7]

Unfortunately this journey isn't an easy one, and with that comes lots of emotions. I can relate to what your feeling, as im sure can most of the other ladies. Its easy sometimes to get lost in the process, the tests, the wondering what if etc It takes a toll on your health over time. It might be worth taking a break with your partner, go somewhere new on an adventure. Its all to easy to fall into the trap of feeling down, googling, and hiding away which makes us feel worse. Please be kind to yourself and its ok to take time out xx

[incrediblesunshine]

Hi thanks for your reply no it definitely isn't easy I know what you mean about googling my latest thing is googling every possible early pregnancy symptom before my period is even due then I feel a bit stupid when it arrives I dk if that's making me worse a break away definitely sounds like a good idea

Best Wishes

[Hidden]

I know where you are coming from ive got pcos..... me and my husband was trying for 6 years... I was ready to give up all my mates where having babies and I couldnt it would upset me so much.... every time I missed one day of my period I would test but they would all ways be negative.... I was all ways having scans.

my last scan I had I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant now I have gor a healthy boy who is 10 week's old. but now I been told my chances of having another baby are very slim

no matter how hard or up setting it is never give up x

wishimg you all the best for the future x

chin up hun think of you xxx

[incrediblesunshine in reply to Hidden]

aww I know I feel exactly like that even when I see my mates with their kids I think why them and not me I feel bad for thinking that way but it's what it's doing to me mentally I'm always testing aswell I must have spent a fortune on those early tests by now lol congratulations on your baby boy

Best Wishes xxx

[Hidden in reply to incrediblesunshine]

I hope it happens for you soon fingers crossed for you xxx

[incrediblesunshine in reply to Hidden]

Thank you xxx

[hifer]

Yes!! I have been here. I immersed myself in several things....I focused on diet and eating well and exercise is really important to me,so even when I didn't feel like it, I would just go for a walk. I became more selfish in my social life. Normally we are running around all over the place, especially at weekends, and it became draining (and especially when lots of our friends have children) so now we spend at least one day at home at the weekends to relax. I got loads of podcasts/ audio books / apps about relaxation and meditation etc and made sure I did it. Every. Single. Day. You have got to be kind to your mind. Just listening to something on the way to and from work etc or in bed can help quieten the mind. I also applied for fertility counselling and just waiting to hear back on this. I think being able to talk to someone who is not your other half is really important. I personally have been very open with friends (not everyone's choice I know) because I couldn't keep putting on a brave front anymore. Now I don't have to pretend I'm fine when I'm not. Is there a friend / member of the family you can reach out to?

If you need any additional advice then please let me know and just send me a message. Mental health is so important. Good luck x

[incrediblesunshine in reply to hifer]

Hey thanks for your comment it literally is the way it's all making me feel i am trying with a healthier diet but sometimes I just want curl up under a blanket on the sofa with pizza and ice cream lol sometimes I struggle to find the motivation to go out and enjoy activities but I'm getting their slowly thanks so much for your support xx

[Lots8788]

Hiya,

So sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. This journey is such a rollercoaster! I know exactly how you feel. I had been feeling like that about 6 months ago and then again about a month ago. I was also tearful all the time,had a lot of anxiety about anything and everything and it really affected my self esteem and confidence. But it will get better. Things that help me are:taking it one day at a time and not looking too far ahead, writing in my "grateful diary"about all the things I am grateful for, taking time out to be alone and chill out and rest and sleep, going for walks and being out in the fresh air, and spending time with my partner just us together e.g. going to the cinema or out for lunch. I now have to remind myself to do these things and prioritise them and remember to be kind to myself.

This forum is an amazing place and we are all in this together. Here if you want a chat xx look after yourself x big hugs

[incrediblesunshine in reply to Lots8788]

Thanks for your comment it definitely is a rollercoaster emotionally I'm all over the place I have tried mood diary's in the past and found them help so a grateful diary sounds good I'll give it a go definitely everyone's great on here I felt so alone before I joined it really helps having such amazing support from other women on here take care and hugs to you too xx

[Lots8788 in reply to incrediblesunshine]

Ah hun I know what you mean,I felt so alone too before joining here as I think unless people have been through it themselves it's difficult to understand (and maybe,I've come to realise, unfair to expect them to). We're all in this together xx x