How did you get over your first Negative?

[Frankie31]

I got my first negative yesterday after FET. Today has been what feels like the worst day of my life. My emotions are shot at , my poor husband has just watched me cry all day. How did you pick yourselfs up to try again, and how did you find the strength to start functioning again?

I'm trying to focus on the positives, I have eggs still to use and this is our first IVF round when we get 2 funded. But trying to even imagine going through this again is too much.

[Hidden]

So sorry to hear your news. I've had 5 unsuccessful rounds. I'm not sure I really dealt with it properly at the time and am now thinking of having counselling as I know many people on here will recommend it.

It is so difficult but you need to hold on to the positives and fact you still have hope. The fact you have eggs is amazing so you are in a good position. Try to take it one day at a time and cry when you need to. You and your husband can get through this together. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best xxx

[Olivia80]

I’ve had two unsuccessful rounds. I got through them by convincing myself before hand that it was never going to work. I’m now on 2ww after first FET and who knows.

I’ve not cried once during this process - well, not at results, just through bormonal breakdowns 🤣😢

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling though. Has your clinic offered you counselling? Might be worth talking to them to rationalise some of your feelings?

[Tugsgirl]

My first bfn was the hardest and although I had a couple of bfps they were followed by bfns (although I’m 18 weeks pregnant now). My point is that it’s really hard, especially that first one and all you can do is take it a day at a time. There is a kind of grieving process involved with a bfn, a huge loss of hope, but in time you’ll pick yourself up and continue to fight xx

[Wils89]

Really sorry to hear about your bfn. I've had 2 and it definitely isn't easy. I found it important to give myself time and space. I told myself it was perfectly normal to be upset, which it is. For the first few weeks I skipped social engagements when I didn't feel up to it. And I was brutally honest with those who knew my situation. No good in bottling up! But the truth is it got a little bit less raw every day. You will find the strength to continue. X

[Scarlett13]

Hi, so sorry, it’s awful when you go through ivf, getting through all the hurdles along the way, getting positive numbers and phone calls and then...bang, negative test, all that build up for nothing. You have to grieve for what could have been but give yourself time to cry it all out, be kind to yourself. You just do find the strength to go again because you want it so much that you’re prepared to do whatever it takes and keep going. The first round is like a practice round to get the meds right for you and to see how your body reacts and to see what changes can be made next time. Most people need an average of 3 cycles to have a baby. Just keep going. I had embryo number 7 put in today. Ive never had a BFP, but I just keep going. I cry and then I start again. I want to be a mum more than anything in the world and only by being positive and determined will I get there - good luck to you xxxx

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear your news. It is devastating 😢 I've had 7 cycles in total success in rounds 2 and 7 (6 years apart) there were real dark days. It's probably easier to say looking back I'd have probably made it easier for myself if I wasn't so hard on myself for being upset. It's a roller coaster journey and there'll be days/weeks you cope and then ones you don't and that's ok. Anyone who goes through this process is made of strong stuff 💪💪💪 be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve for what could have been. You'll know when you feel ready to try again. Good luck x x

[SunnyDream]

You know... All of us understand you perfectly well as we are in the same boat here! I'm begging you, don't lose your heart! It is very hard not only on the emotional level but and on a physical as well. You need to be strong for yourself, for your lovely husband and for your future baby. Our life is rather cruel but there are miracles and you still have chances to hold your precious child and feel his/her heartbeat. Believe! Our faith works wonders!

[Kempton]

Hi Frankie. Sorry to hear you just had a negative. I found it really hard. I think it's the stage when I fell apart (despite breezing through the ivf itself). I had to leave my job as I was too depressed to function and I sort of isolated myself for a month or so.

I ended up seeing a counsellor. I found this beneficial. She helped me realise that all my pain was legitimate and justified. It's a sort of grief after an unsuccessful transfer - I believed that was my future baby.

It really helped taking time out and talking to someone. And I must've been in a much better frame of mind as my FET a few months later resulted in a successful pregnancy and I now have my beautiful son.

Hope you have lots of support around you. Defo speak to your GP or fertility clinic about counselling.