Miscarriage after giving up (almost!)

[Enaj51]

I had reached the end of the line for IVF or so I thought earlier this year. I began accepting that I would face my future without children. However there must have been a bit of me that didn't quite accept this as I had a donor transfer in November.

I against the odds found I was pregnant with strong hcg blood test results. What a rollercoaster since then. I had some spotting and then full red bleeding. It was a very slow process and hpt were still showing positive results after 10 days. I naively dared to believe that I had lost 1 embryo but the other was ok. I still felt pregnant and hpt still showed up positive. When I went to the epu blood tests confirmed a miscarriage as levels were dropping. (Christmas Eve of all days)

This process feels very cruel as I had dared to believe I could pregnant and this was so cruelly taken away. I think I am looking for a place to just say this out loud and maybe just a bit of encouragement from you lovely ladies. I yet again must find the strength to deal with this and pick myself up and I'm hoping that this is the place to come.

xx

[2-shades-of-hope]

I’m so sorry, this process is very cruel. Thinking of you x

[Enaj51 in reply to 2-shades-of-hope]

Thank you.

[TinklyWinky]

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of you xx

[Enaj51 in reply to TinklyWinky]

Thank you

[hannahkc]

So sorry to read this, Enaj!

It is a whole unfair lottery. And to start to miscarry, then get test results with false hopes must be crushing for you.

Hope you have support at home or through GP/clinic?

I recently had a loss with an eptopic at 12-16 weeks and hadn't known I was pregnant all the while (FET in Sept was a BFN, but went rogue!) but its been upsetting to deal with, thinking "damn - what could have been..." You need time and support to grieve - something your docs should be offering help for you, on the bereavement side of things. X

[Enaj51 in reply to hannahkc]

Thanks hannahkc. I agree and sorry to hear about your ectopic. I haven't had any further support from the docs but I will ask for this.

xx

[hannahkc in reply to Enaj51]

Thanks, sweetheart. Stay strong Xx

[Tugsgirl]

It is and you will. I’m so sorry for your loss xx

[Enaj51 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you

[AJJ123]

I know how u feel, it’s a form of self preservation thinking something won’t work because when we open our hearts to any possibility and it doesn’t work, we get hurt.

I lost mine October-November around the same time my dad died.

I’m so sorry for your loss, don’t give up hope, it’s completely natural in our situation to think it’s not going to work but inside a little tiny voice will say ‘it just might this time’ xx

[Nancy001]

Hey Enaj. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. This must be a difficult one for you but reading through what you wrote, there is one thing that stuck with me; You are such a WARRIOR and a FIGHTER. Please don’t give up keep fighting. I believe you will have your children soon and this will become a story.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult period hon . XX

[Enaj51 in reply to Nancy001]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. It made me a little dusty in the eye department! I will fight back but I will allow some time to grieve before moving on.

xx

[Nancy001 in reply to Enaj51]

Yes definitely my lovely. Take your time and when you are ready to fight back just go for it! Thinking of you hon! XX

[Enaj51]

I agree about self preservation. So true. Sorry to hear of the loss

of your dad. That's very tough for you. Thanks for the encouragement. xx

[Emma04]

I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss, this is such a hard scary journey and this is so cruel for you. I hope as others have said you have support from your gp as well as the people around you. It’s a long road but you will start to feel stronger again. Sending love and keeping you in my thoughts xxx

[Enaj51]

Thank you and I hope I can get stronger very soon.

[Katty_Holz]

Ohh dear, I'm so sorry to hear about this heartwrecking loss.... hugs for you! Well, I myself have given up the assisted fertility after failed 2 rounds and back to square 1 with normal medicated TTC. Now it's easy to decide to quit and accept the fate but sooner or later you feel the need to stay optimistic even if it's just the normal TTC. Which indeed has very little to no chance at all after having failed IVF. But hope is all that you need to keep going on... and going on is important to succeed. It's okay to rant here, always. I guess it's the only place where you can voice your disappointment or fury or anything that you're feeling over the bumpy ride on your fertility road. Well, I'm pretty much on the same boat with you, even if it's not identical situation... not sure when or what will ever make the baby dreams come true. So stay brave... and never stop being optimistic. Sending you love and good luck!

[Enaj51]

So sorry to read your story...hope your baby dreams come true for you. Thank you xx

[Core]

So sorry to read this, just wanted to say thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way xx

[Hidden]

So sorry for your loss, sending you big hugs at this difficult time xx