A sh*t birthday

[AnnieAnnie]

So I had EC on Friday 7th, it wasn't great as we only got 2 eggs despite me being on DHEA, ubiquinol and all the other normal pre-conception supplements for over 6 months (I have literally been rattling and not sure they've worked). Ive also lost over a stone (my bmi has always been in the normal anyway but I do love food), my mind has been in a better place (I think not so crazy 🤪), eating healthier and exercising more. One egg fertilised normally with ICSI and the other was abnormal. On day 2, I got the call to say that things weren't looking great, the embryo hadn't started dividing but to leave it to day 3 and see what happens. Day 3 phone call update and better news, the embryo had done 2 days work in a day and had 7 cells so perfect for day 3 and transfer booked for midday today (a 5 day transfer) I was hoping this would be a miracle and work. I was so hoping, wishing and praying that today (my 35th birthday and the dreaded age where fertility starts to drop) that it would be good news but unfortunately our little embryo hasn't progressed any further from day 3 so were told it's bad news and my transfer was cancelled. The clinic are keeping it going for another day to see what happens. Feeling devastated by it all and that in the last 2 cycles of ivf the clinic have known so much more about my body than my private clinic in my first cycle and yet the last 2 cycles have been so crap compared to my first. I feel like I've done all I can with these last 2 cycles and still haven't got anywhere and its not enough.

I suppose next it's to decide whether to go for another cycle with my own eggs (maybe a natural cycle) or to try DE. In the meantime I don't want to continue taking all these pills and supplements and I feel like I need a break having done 2 cycles in the last 6 months.

So tonight I am going to drink gin or wine or both and try and not let this thing take over my life and my enjoyment. Tonight I plan to forget! xx

🥂🍾

[MissSaoPaulo]

Oh hon, I'm so sorry it's not better news for you, and especially on your birthday. Nice big glass of wine or two definitely in order, switch off all the phone alarms that were reminding you to take your medication and put all your pills to the back of the cabinet!!

Give yourself some time off to reset emotionally after the ups and downs of these last months and focus on yourself for a while before you make any decisions. Try to enjoy the holidays as much as you can with friends and family before a new start in 2019. Whichever route you decide to take, I wish you all the best for the future, and instead of birthday wishes for today I'm wishing for peace of mind and serenity for you xxx

[Hidden]

^^ what MissSaoPaulo says. That totally totally sucks. I am so sorry that this happened and worse still on your birthday. Ditch the drugs and reach for the booze, I know it won't help but you deserve some TLC. I really hope you can gradually come to terms with this and then reset and focus on the way forward. You can do it. Sending hugs xx

[Tugsgirl]

I’m really sorry to hear this. That’s really harsh on your birthday of all days. I hope you’re enjoying your drink and you’ve eaten lots of birthday cake xx

[baby2016]

Aw I’m so sorry to read this lost, especially as it’s your bday too. I was rattling with drugs through a lot of my cycles, and don’t feel other than vitamin e for lining issues that any of them really made any difference. I eventually moved onto DE, and have fully excepted it now, as we did not have the funds to try with my own again and the results with my own spoke for themselves. I’ve got a DE transfer tomorrow which is my sisters bday, and test day will be Xmas day! When I look back over all my previous transfers virtually all of them have fallen on test dates of close relatives bdays which I find so crazy.

Have a break over Xmas, drink more gin and look at making your decisions in the new year. It’s hard to have the news you have had today so just let your hair down over Xmas xx

[AS100]

Annie I’m so sorry to read this, it can be such a disappointing, frustrating and then devastating experience. Too many emotions 😞 Make sure you are kind to yourself 💖 And have some birthday cake too 😊🎂 Thinking of you- sending love and hugs 🐻 🤗 xxx

[Cinderella5]

Sorry to hear you've had such a crappy time! Definitely have a break and let your hair down, you've been through so much and it does get very tiring. I always have a break in between treatments so I can treat myself and not feel guilty before starting again with the next bit. Enjoy.xx

[HollieW]

I'm sorry to hear this. The process never gets easier and I find the more I know the worse it gets as I have even more to worry about! I really hope you managed to have a nice birthday and definitely let your hair down, you deserve it xx

[AnnieAnnie]

Thank you all for your lovely messages! My husband had booked us into an amazing restaurant which you have to book months in advance for a tasting menu. We had a great meal with 2 bottles of champagne and today we met with friends for lunch so we've been trying to keep ourselves busy. Tomorrow will be interesting as we have our first ever session of counselling and then I hit the town with girl friends. Hoping Christmas is a time of healing and happiness for you all xx

[Picalilli99]

I’m really sorry that you did not get the results that you were so desperately hoping for. Especially when you did everything you could and were feeling so positive and optimistic as a result. I can really relate to what you said - I gave it everything prior to my 3rd cycle and was so hoping it would all pay off but then it was my worst cycle yet. it almost intensified the disappointment when you have had so much hope. I’m also at a similar point in terms of trying to decide what to do next, considering DE. But have decided to try to forget it all for a bit and enjoy Christmas. I’m really glad that you got to have such a special birthday meal, good on your husband! Sending you virtual hugs and hoping you can enjoy your break over Christmas xx

[ChristineB05]

Hi lovely so sorry to hear what you have been through, sounds like a tough 6 months.

Good to know you had a great birthday night with your DH. Enjoy your girls night out and have a great Christmas and may 2019 be the year we all realise our dreams xx