Work support ivf and pregnant girl in the office

[Soapsuds86]

Hi everyone

I'm still here in the infertility arena. Just wanted to talk through another issue I'm having as I don't want history repeating itself.

Basically, I'm looking at starting my 5th ivf next year and soon have the consultation. Learning from previous mistakes I've told my manager everything and that I find it hard being around pregnant women and talk about babies/pregnancy. It's just a huge trigger for me, which I have seemed help to work through.

Yesterday a new girl had joined my team and I heard her talking she had her 3 month scan the day before. Along comes another heavily pregnant girl to discuss how shit it is to be pregnant with symptoms. My anxiety went to overdrive and I walked out. I told my manager what had happened and that im angry so staying away.

Am I right to think he could have prevented this being so bad by moving seats? Maybe he couldn't have told me shes pregnant (but then again he could so i could go away and react). Either way I would have reacted but at least if I was given a warning I could have had s chance to have some dignity to let it out. Instead I had to sought to crashing in the toilet floor screaming in tears about how unsupported I am at work and will be during ivf. It just hurts. It's not her fault,no,but it's not my fault I'm in this situation either. I've not slept or eaten. I cant even cry any more, I'm just so sad.

[Hidden]

Argh what an awful situation for you. It's definitely not easy being surrounded by pregnant woman at work, it's in your face all day long then you end up taking these feelings home with you - I completely get it. It sounds like your manager just completely forgot about how this affects you (and men are even less sensitive to these issues). Have you spoken to him about this? Any chance you can switch desks or seats?

Hopefully you'll find a solution soon so you can start feeling better about this, in the meantime just tell yourself that you don't want their babies anyway, you want yours xx

[Soapsuds86 in reply to Hidden]

This is the second time now something has happened which makes me think he just doesn't care. I feel so pushed out of my job and can't grasp if it's the emotion talking or not. He doesn't get how intense I feel it. I haven't spoken yet as was so angry I walked away. Avoided reacting out of anger which is a huge for me. I just feel I cant stand people's ignorance any more about infertility.

Thanks that's true, I dont want their babies. My babies are going to be beautiful and so much more appreciated than any of there a will ever be xx

[Slewi]

Hi Soapsuds,

Hope you are ok? I know exactly how you feel. I work in children’s services so for me it sadly comes with the territory but amplifies when women in my office are pregnant or have little ones or talk about being pregnant or trying for their next one CONSTANTLY. I sit there and wish they’d shut up and then realise O’m only jealous and wish I was in their shoes! The other day it seemed that whole day it was talked about in one shape or another. To be honest, he prob could have given you the heads up so you could have prepared for what was and is to come. Maybe he just didn’t think or fully realise the impact she might have. People who haven’t been through this just often don’t. Perhaps ask to have a quiet word with him, see if you or she can be moved? To be honest it sounds like it’s just something else you and we all have to get on and deal with along with everything else! You are only human and it’s totally natural and normal to be feeling like you are. It’s just crap isn’t it. So unfair. Have you got something nice planned for the weekend to try and take your mind of it all. Keeping busy usually helps me. Have you tried counselling, I went for two sessions in the hospital when I was feeling overwhelmed with everything. I pretty much just moaned and cried but felt better after it! Good luck and take care of yourself xx

[Soapsuds86 in reply to Slewi]

That's tough working in children's services. You're made of some strong stuff! 😘

I just feel sad. I was sorting out everything for ivf and making plans of protecting myself etc but now feel the rug has been pulled from my feet. It's just going to be so much harder now. I've told him more than one occasion even writing a lengthy email about my trigger points rtf. I poured my heart and now feel some kind of betrayal of that makes sense. I'm not comfortable talking to him any more plus I'm still angry at him. I just play it over and over in my head. Yeah I've had loads of counselling and have a few techniques etc but still finding it hard to put to practice. Meant to be going out tonight so hopefully can forget about it for a while xx