I’m so grateful for the fact we’ve had another positive test but my mind is telling me something has gone terribly wrong. Over the weekend I started having bad dreams (nightmares I guess) all surrounding loss and even me miscarrying again. I know in a way there to be expected after all we’ve been through but since then my anxiety has really taken hold.
Last year I knew my babies heart and stopped and I just feel like I know it’s going to be bad news again, I desperately hope I’m wrong and that our little one is in there growing strong. Again I know some of this way of thinking is down to self protection, not that you can ever protect of prepare yourself if the worst news does happen again.
I’ve spoke to the bereavement midwife who said I can be scanned at the earliest 6+3 so still a couple of weeks to go. My counsellor is currently on holiday so wondered if anyone had any coping strategies until I’m able to see them?
Attached is a test I took last night, I know I need to believe this is our time 🌈 I feel more disconnected this time than I did last year, I guess infertility and miscarriage will affect our lives forever, no matter where on this journey we are 🧡
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E_05
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Wow....firstly a massive congratulations!! Secondly, i totally understand... doesnt feel real, anxious, scared.... but my dear ‘You are pregnant’ so say it out loud to yourself, rub your tummy and pray for that little one to get bigger bigger.... this is your time xxxxxx
Hi E_05, I was wondering today how you were getting on. I’ve no particular tips - I’m sorry, struggling a bit myself today - but I just wanted to say how strong that positive line is! My only advice is distraction, walks with your dogs, try to relax but I appreciate it must be so hard. Xxx
Not great today - not feeling very optimistic but never mind me, you need to focus on you. My only other suggestion for you is if you have Netflix, we’ve been watching reruns of Friends - it’s lighthearted and very funny. Other than that, chocolate is always good! xxx
That’s understandable how you’re feeling. I’m keeping everything crossed for you, this has to be your time to 🤞🏻can you believe chocolate is one thing I’ve gone off of 😱 I started watching friends tonight actually, it’s definitely easy to watch xx
Congratulations. I'm happy to see it's a bfp from you. I totally understand your fears, I had that some weeks ago and just got delivered from it recently.
The only coping strategy I use is prayer, commit all into God's hand and profess positive words, as those negative thoughts and words come to your mind, counteract them with positive words and say them out repeatedly.
Thank you, you’re right I think it is about saying the positive in place of the negative.
Congratulations. What your feeling is totally normal. I had a miscarriage after my first BFP and when we got our second BFP I just couldn’t relax. I had two bleeds during the 6th week so ended up being scanned nearly every week until 12 weeks and that helped massively. If that hadn’t happened I probably would have paid for a scan.
It’s great they are willing to scan you early though. Just try and take your mind off it (easier said that done) and the only thing that got me through is that there was nothing I could do to change the outcome I just hoped everything would be fine.
Sorry you’re finding things hard. Hope you don’t mind me trying to help as I’ve not experienced loss like you have, but I have had terrible anxiety about my pregnancy and was so worried that something would go wrong.
I agree with distraction - try plan some things to at least occupy your mind with something else for some of the time. Would it help to listen to something (audiobook, podcast, relaxation app) whilst trying to get to sleep? That’s always the worst time for me to worry. Things always seem much worse in the night.
Also I really don’t want to trivialise it but when I was constantly worrying before my viability scan, my partner just said “the outcome will be the same whether you worry or not”. After feeling a bit annoyed at him for not understanding I realised actually he was kind of right. There are two possible outcomes:
1) Something goes wrong as you sadly know it can do. If it does, worrying beforehand probably won’t ease the inevitable heartbreak.
2) All is fine and you spend all that time worrying for nothing!
Really wishing you all the best and hope for the positive outcome you deserve xx
Of course I don’t mind, thank you so much for your comment. You’re right night time is definitely the worst as the time seems to drag as well, my hubby keeps saying to me keep positive and it is going to be okay. I guess you’re right no matter how much I worry it’s not going to change the outcome. Hope you and your little boy are doing well xx
Oh I’m sorry you are having these awful nightmares and feelings of anxiety. I’m sure your counsellor would absolutely confirm your own analysis of the dreams and not allowing yourself to believe that this is your time. I haven’t been in your situation before so I’m sorry I can’t offer any practical advice but I was thinking maybe some techniques for coping with anxiety in general might help. Would some relaxation exercises or guided meditation before bed help you to have a more restful night’s sleep? Sorry I can’t be more help...Sending you very best wishes for a healthy and happy pregnancy xxx
Thank you, I do think I need to work on a bit of meditation. It’s helped already just being able to speak to everyone on here, I think sometimes just airing feelings can help. How are you doing? Xx
It definitely helps to share how you’re feeling here. It’s really cathartic to even write it down and have it acknowledged by others who have similar experiences
and understand what it’s like.
I suppose I’m just doing the best I can each day, you know yourself what it’s like... Hoping you sleep well tonight xx
A big congratulations..... this rollercoaster is so hard, try & think positively... this is amazing news & hopefully you’ll get your happy ending. Positive thoughts💕 xx
Hunny I’m not surprised your feeling like this and you will have some really vivid dreams with all those pregnancy hormones surging through you and clearly your daytime worries are manifesting in your dreams, please don’t take the dreams of a sign if things to come it’s just your brain going into overdrive. I’m afraid I can’t offer advice on coping strategies but if you can try and get into a relaxing nighttime routine, say a bath, listen to a mindful app, you may get a better rested sleep and that may help your anxiety in the day. Sending much love x x x
Trying to keep my mind at bay tho im driving my husband crazy. I keep telling my him I have period type pains and my period must be coming he just says I said that last time. I'm back to work tomorrow so I'm hoping that it will be a good distraction. Xx
Sounds exactly like the conversations we had 🙈 amazes me how they seem to keep quite calm. Hope work helps for the rest of the wait xx
I'm sorry to read your struggling Hun. I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant after 2 mmc & have found this pregnancy very difficult. I was convinced I was going to lose this baby too & hated going for scans as I constantly expected bad news. I've also had some pretty awful dreams about things going wrong & it's horrible. I don't have any advice as such but don't bottle your fears up. I was so scared of having another miscarriage that I didn't even go to my midwife booking appointment until I was 16 weeks. As soon as I sat down with her, I had a good cry & explained how anxious I felt. She was brilliant. It gets easier once you feel the baby move but now I worry about premature labour, the baby not breathing at birth etc. I don't know why as I'm being well looked after. This baby is so wanted... I think I just can't believe my luck. I hope your scan goes well & you go on to have a happy pregnancy 😘 xx
Thank you so much for sharing with me, you’ve written so much of how I feel especially booing the midwife appt - that’s one thing I was definitely going to avoid. I think that’s it for me to, I can’t believe that there’s a chance it might actually work for us this time, hope you’re pregnancy continues to go as smoothly as possible xx
I would go to your midwife booking appointment Hun because by me putting that off I didn't get my dating scan until 17 weeks. I'd had 3 early scans in EPU but this meant I didn't get the 12 week scan which screens for downs syndrome etc. Caused me more stress in the long run! As time goes on you will relax Hun, I promise. It's just accepting we are lucky. I still have bad days like I said but also have many happy moments x
Firstly, congratulations on your BFP. I think the dreams are normal because you are naturally going to feel anxious due to what you have been through. It's quite common to have odd dreams when you're pregnant and I can only imagine these are intensified when you are already feeling fearful. Glad to hear they are scanning you early for your peace of mind, I hope it can offer you some reassurance. Good luck my lovely xx
I have had some very bizarre dreams since being pregnant; I forgot I was a parent, my baby was a steak (wtf?!), however, a week before my 20 week scan, I woke up sobbing because I'd dreamt I'd miscarried. I couldn't stop crying in real life and struggled to get back to sleep. This prompted me to go for a private scan. There is always some kind of anxiety after a bfp because it's usually been a rocky road to get there, and that's without facing the sort of set backs you've had to face. As hard as it is, try to keep positive. Xx
Thank you, I know what you mean when you’ve had struggles on your journey you’ll never feel ‘safe’ until you’re holding your baby and then a whole new load will begin! Once my counsellors back off holiday il see them, I find going out for walks helps but one of my dogs is injured at the moment just another worry xx
No magic words of advice, I guess I just used the mantra “today, I am pregnant” to help me through literally day by day. Worrying something awful has happened won’t make it hurt any less if something does go wrong, so don’t waste energy on negative thoughts and mind-spinning cycles; try to remain on the positive side and take each day as it comes. Believe you are pregnant! xxx
Thank you, you’re right I have had to try and tell myself today ‘I can’t change what happens’ I’m making myself worse by worrying so much. Hope you’re okay your pregnancy is going well xx
Sending massive hugs lovely. I know exactly how your feeling hun it's, so hard to relax once you've suffered loss/es in the past. I'm with weemrsh "today I'm pregnant " is all I can advise. It's hard I know anxiety is a monster in pregnancy I still suffer being so near to the end. You'll get a little relief at each scan but it won't last it's just a matter of trying to keep positive remembering this is a different pregnancy and today you are I pregnant. Huge hugs lovely
Thank you, it’s helped just being able to write down how I was feeling to women who truly understand. I have tried to tell myself today ‘I can’t change what happens’ and I know worrying is doing me more harm than good. Hope you’re doing okay and things are going as smoothly as possible xx
I always find writing our feelings down really do help a lot, it's so hard not to worry it's only natural just don't let it consume you. Big hugs my love. How long till your scan?
I’ve just spoken to the clinic and they’ve changed it back again that il now be scanned there rather than the main hospital so hopefully hear back today with a date 🤞🏻 xx
Hi, firstly congratulations on your BFP. With everything you’ve gone through it isn’t surprising that your feeling like this and I think you’re right, you probably are in self protection mode. I’m slightly different to you as I had a chemical before my BFP so my loss was much earlier. I had spotting on and off from about 7dp5dt so I really struggled up to the 7 week scan, constantly thinking that something was going wrong. The only thing that gave me any comfort was testing with the digitals that tell you how far you are and to see it go from 2-3 weeks to 3+ weeks and know that my hormone levels were rising (though it was a long wait between the two and I know it isn’t a guarantee that everything is ok in there). Private bloods might give you comfort that your hormone levels are doubling properly but again, I know it isn’t a guarantee. Sorry I don’t have any better advice for you. Hopefully the time to your scan passes quickly. I’ve got everything crossed for you.
Thank you, I have got a couple of the digital tests so I might do that. Do you know roughly how long it took for yours to change from 2-3 weeks to 3+? Hope you’re doing okay!
The first time I used a digital I was 9dp5dt and got 2-3 weeks (though last pregnancy it was 11dp5dt before it turned to that). I tested again a week later and it was still 2-3 weeks. I then tested 3 days later and it had gone to 3+. It was hell waiting those 3 days but it was my last test and I’d promised hubby I wasn’t going to buy any more so I wanted to be sure it should have turned! Good luck - I hope testing does give you a little peace of mind whilst you wait for your scan x
Thank you, that’s re assuring as I think I tested to early again. I tested 11dp5dt and it was 2-3 weeks then tested again today (16dpt) and it was still the same which sent me a bit crazy thinking my levels aren’t rising x
Yes, it’s awful not knowing isn’t it. Especially when you’ve a history of loss. I almost caved and paid for private bloods but I managed to hold out until the scan. I’d wait a couple of days and test again and see what it says then. Good luck x
It’s completely natural to feel the way you do. I think that due to your horrendous experience last year you aren’t allowing yourself to be optimistic because your scared of the same thing happening again. Try to take each day as it comes. Distraction techniques are useful but also siting with your feelings and acknowledging how you feel can be good too as long as you don’t live there. Hope evening goes well with your scan xx
I'm feeling exactly the same. Currently pregnant 5wks 6 days but miscarried our first at around 15 weeks. I feel as though my mind is never at rest, even while asleep. I'm constantly dreaming, feeling anxious and down, even checking the toilet paper every time I go to the loo! My scan is another 13 days away. I called my clinic yesterday and explained the situation and asked for a scan a week earlier. They said that this would be too soon, and if I didn't see a heartbeat due to that reason it would make more more anxious so best to wait. Instead they called me in for a blood test which will be repeated tomorrow. If everything is well hcg levels should almost double in 48hrs. You could give this a go?xx
Thank you, I might ask them about the blood test. They said to me about not scanning to early as it’ll cause more anxiety, it’s such a hard place to be. I really hope the time passes quickly for your scan and it’s good news for you xx
I understand completely. And sending you the warmest hug. I’ve had loopy dreams since being pregnant, witches stole my baby, the baby is born as just a head, I have the baby in a school corridor and it doesnt hurt! (That ones a bit hopeful!) the hormones really mess with sleep and dreams, add in the anxiety you are naturally feeling to boot. They are just dreams though playing out your worries. Hope you can chat through things with your midwife / councillor and they can reassure you the same. Wishing you the absolute best and many many congratulations on this result! Hold on to the hope xxx
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Pregnancy Test on 21 November
